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Right, we've got a family party on Saturday, and my uncle doesn't believe ds1 has asd

(29 Posts)
colditz Tue 23-Oct-12 19:05:42

May I just add that this uncle has met ds1 maybe six times in nine years.

What is the best way to switch the conversation away from ds1 and his ( in my uncle's eyes) controversial diagnosis? It needs to be a methods that absolutely will not cause a scene, because my grandad is ninety years old and I don't want to upset him.

StarlightMcKenzie Tue 23-Oct-12 19:06:51

oh yuck! Will he insist on talking about him?

colditz Tue 23-Oct-12 19:10:02

Yes, he will, because, hilariously, I suspect he has the "arrogant denier" subset of aspergers himself

SallyBear Tue 23-Oct-12 19:20:14

Just tell him that you can't be arsed to talk about it, because it doesn't define you or DS for that matter.

ArthurPewty Tue 23-Oct-12 19:30:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

colditz Tue 23-Oct-12 19:37:29

Hw about "I've explained this, after he was diagnosed, remember? Lets not get into it now."

Inaflap Tue 23-Oct-12 19:38:33

Say "i have his paed report in the car, you are welcome to read it as you seem to know o much, i know you will understand all the terminology. Actually, we don't see it so much as a problem, but more something that is art of him like having red hir or blue eyes. We think it very important that we combat disabilist vies and promot the positives. Didn't you find th paraolympics inspiring? ". Smile sweetly. You could produce the sheef of reports you undoutably have and hand them o him with a simple, do read and enjoy.

Sorry about the pelling. Typing with one finger on the ipad!

justaboutchilledout Tue 23-Oct-12 20:00:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

colditz Tue 23-Oct-12 20:43:17

He's seen the multidisciplinary report and subsequent diagnosis.

His answer was "but I've seen autistic children, they Aren't Happy like your ds1"

Urgh........

StarlightMcKenzie Tue 23-Oct-12 20:48:48

Ah, just go for it and telling to worry about his own social communication disorder before commenting on anyone else's!

troutpout Tue 23-Oct-12 21:12:23

Encourage his more obvious traits ? Tell ds that the uncle would love to hear all about trains/spongebob/ insert latest obsession here.
God.. You could have fun with this one
;-)

ArthurPewty Tue 23-Oct-12 21:43:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

zzzzz Tue 23-Oct-12 21:53:41

Oh God, how tedious for you all.

Can't you just be very blunt and say you understand his reservations but you really don't want to rehash the whole thing every time you meet. Agree to disagree.

ArthurPewty Tue 23-Oct-12 21:58:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EllenJaneisstillnotmyname Tue 23-Oct-12 22:00:55

Off the wall, but does anyone else keep wondering what type of tights have arrogant denier? wink

ArthurPewty Tue 23-Oct-12 22:02:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EllenJaneisstillnotmyname Tue 23-Oct-12 22:03:15

Positively opaque!

zzzzz Tue 23-Oct-12 22:03:30

grin ellen yup, but Dh and ds decided to have a major head to head over hand washing, so I was unable to smirk.

mariammma Tue 23-Oct-12 22:14:09

I just agree.

Isn't it terrible that 'these days' all dc have to be round pegs in round holes... shame we needed to get medical people involved before DS could have his individual needs properly met. Gosh, even Einstein would be on the SEN register 'these days'. Mind you, better that than having them unhappy, bullied and failing academically isn't it [wide-eyed, innocent expression]

mariammma Tue 23-Oct-12 22:16:10

(then I lock the bathroom door for a bit of silent screaming, alternating with banging my head on the wall whilst muttering expletives)

whatthewhatthebleep Wed 24-Oct-12 14:48:49

I have this with my mother unfortunately. I gave her an 11 page detailed report/statement about all the area's of difficulties, needs, etc for my DS....she then commented on how well written it was and did I have help to write it.....then a few minutes later says to me ''well, as long as things are going his way and he gets to do things in his own good time, he's fine, isn't he'' shock [anger] ...I replied, ''well, it may look like that I suppose, to people who simply cannot understand'' ...my DS is 12yrs old and she still has no idea what I'm ever talking about. It makes for some very difficult situations when she comes to visit....my teeth are worn down by the amount of clenching and gritting they have to do!!!

suburbandream Thu 25-Oct-12 17:09:55

I think we've all got one of these in the family! I would simply tell him what you've said in your OP - sorry Uncle, but it's a family party and I don't want to upset grandad so can we please not talk about DS's ASD. Tell him if he wants to discuss it you will do so another time but it's not the purpose of this occasion so leave it be.

colditz Sat 27-Oct-12 17:31:50

I did it. We've been and come back.

It was actually ok. Mad uncle didn't say a word, as when he walked in, ds1 was hanging in my arms starting with the overstimulated giggling. Young auntie came over to chat, she's only 42 so more of a peer than the others, mentioned that ds1 seemed "a bit antisocial today" (understatement of century, he was playing on iPad and studiously ignoring everyone's attempts to chat), and I told her he has asd. She just said, "oh. I shall leave him alone then"

And really was the only time it was mentioned. The pub has a good beer garden, so lots of running around can be done there. It was a not-completely-awful day.

EllenJaneisstillnotmyname Sat 27-Oct-12 17:43:34

Oh, thank goodness! smile

Badvoc Sat 27-Oct-12 18:25:51

Gosh, you are all so cool! smile
I would go all terminator on their ass if A family member spoke about my child like that.
Seriously.
I would throw stuff.
And shout.
And then hurt them.
I am a bad person smile

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