May I just add that this uncle has met ds1 maybe six times in nine years.
What is the best way to switch the conversation away from ds1 and his ( in my uncle's eyes) controversial diagnosis? It needs to be a methods that absolutely will not cause a scene, because my grandad is ninety years old and I don't want to upset him.
Say "i have his paed report in the car, you are welcome to read it as you seem to know o much, i know you will understand all the terminology. Actually, we don't see it so much as a problem, but more something that is art of him like having red hir or blue eyes. We think it very important that we combat disabilist vies and promot the positives. Didn't you find th paraolympics inspiring? ". Smile sweetly. You could produce the sheef of reports you undoutably have and hand them o him with a simple, do read and enjoy.
Sorry about the pelling. Typing with one finger on the ipad!
Isn't it terrible that 'these days' all dc have to be round pegs in round holes... shame we needed to get medical people involved before DS could have his individual needs properly met. Gosh, even Einstein would be on the SEN register 'these days'. Mind you, better that than having them unhappy, bullied and failing academically isn't it [wide-eyed, innocent expression]
I have this with my mother unfortunately. I gave her an 11 page detailed report/statement about all the area's of difficulties, needs, etc for my DS....she then commented on how well written it was and did I have help to write it.....then a few minutes later says to me ''well, as long as things are going his way and he gets to do things in his own good time, he's fine, isn't he'' [anger] ...I replied, ''well, it may look like that I suppose, to people who simply cannot understand'' ...my DS is 12yrs old and she still has no idea what I'm ever talking about. It makes for some very difficult situations when she comes to visit....my teeth are worn down by the amount of clenching and gritting they have to do!!!
I think we've all got one of these in the family! I would simply tell him what you've said in your OP - sorry Uncle, but it's a family party and I don't want to upset grandad so can we please not talk about DS's ASD. Tell him if he wants to discuss it you will do so another time but it's not the purpose of this occasion so leave it be.
It was actually ok. Mad uncle didn't say a word, as when he walked in, ds1 was hanging in my arms starting with the overstimulated giggling. Young auntie came over to chat, she's only 42 so more of a peer than the others, mentioned that ds1 seemed "a bit antisocial today" (understatement of century, he was playing on iPad and studiously ignoring everyone's attempts to chat), and I told her he has asd. She just said, "oh. I shall leave him alone then"
And really was the only time it was mentioned. The pub has a good beer garden, so lots of running around can be done there. It was a not-completely-awful day.