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Ds told SW that his brothers beat him up

(15 Posts)
claw4 Tue 16-Oct-12 20:25:31

According to ds he told SW who visited him in school that he hates school, cant do the work and school makes him very sad etc, etc. He told her he scratches his skin because of 'feelings' and 'worries' All going well so far.

BUT THEN He says he also told her that his brothers always beat up (they are 19 and 16 years old, he is 8) apparently she asked 'what does your mum do' and he replied nothing.

I asked ds why did he say that (as its not true) and he said because they are horrible and annoying and he doesnt like them. I explained to him that him feeling they are horrible and annoying is totally different to them beating him up and he says he is sorry, he shouldnt have said it.

What now?

StarlightMcKenzie Tue 16-Oct-12 20:56:09

Well, he's either reliable in which case the brothers thing needs to be taken seriously, or he's accounts are unreliable, in which case the school thing might not be taken seriously.

But, you can invite the SW to speak to his brothers perhaps if she wants to??

claw4 Tue 16-Oct-12 21:19:39

My thoughts exactly Star. I will just have to wait and see what the social worker makes of her conversation with ds.

Although ds has recently started to say that his scratching is connected with 'feelings' and 'worries', i thought this was progress. He usually just denies that he even scratches despite the marks all over him or makes excuses for them.

claw4 Tue 16-Oct-12 21:22:50

Or whether ds actually said those things.

StarlightMcKenzie Tue 16-Oct-12 21:23:14

What is the context of his speaking about his brothers? Was he asked any leading questions? My ds often answers with 'right' answer, rather than the factual one, and in his eyes the 'right' answer is whatever makes the person go away the fastest and stop asking him questions.

StarlightMcKenzie Tue 16-Oct-12 21:24:28

Has the SW had any training or background in speaking to young children with ASD?

Did you agree to an interview or just an observation? Did the conversation take place with any witnesses and if so who? And did the witness make any contributions or interpret?

claw4 Tue 16-Oct-12 21:42:15

She told me she wanted to 'observe' ds in school, she had already questioned ds at home. I didnt know that she was going today, but another professional went in last week and ds told her 'school was good', the same day he came out from school sobbing, telling me about what a terrible day he had, with all the details, couldnt sleep that night, crying and refusing to get out of the car in the morning, not eating etc, etc.

So i asked ds why didnt you tell this professinal all the things you tell me. He said he doesnt want to talk to her, is afraid he will get into trouble with school for saying bad things and doesnt know what to expect or what will happen if he tells her. I told him he will not get into trouble and if he doesnt tell others about his worries, they wont be able to help. So him talking about his worries (if indeed he actually did) is progress.

Ds told me 'lady came to see me in school, the one who came to our house. I drew a picture of our house. I told her i had 3 worries 1. school 2. scratching 3. my brothers. This was without prompting.

I asked him and what did you say and he went into details of what he said. He didnt say what she had said or what questions she asked or whether they were alone etc, etc.

Then he decides that he doesnt want to talk about it anymore and that is the last i will hear about.

I dont know what experience she has with ASD or even as a SW.

StarlightMcKenzie Tue 16-Oct-12 21:49:25

Okay. Write your own account of what has happened and what your ds has said to you today. Also write down that you hadn't consented to anything other than an observation.

Don't send it to anyone, just make a record in case you need to refer to it.

It would be tempting to make a complaint but you really don't know whether this person could be the one person supporting you so you have to be careful not to upset her or appear 'anxious'.

I hope someone else better at this contributes to this thread..........

claw4 Tue 16-Oct-12 22:15:39

Her asking for my consent to 'observe' ds in school and my consenting to this was done in writing done via email.

I just dont see the point of her duplicating exactly what she had did with ds at home ie questioning him, in school. From what ds said, he was called to a room and she spoke to him.

I have recorded our conversation and i will wait for her report to see exactly what she has concluded. Deadline for LA to oppose my appeal or not was also today strangely enough and nothing.

StarlightMcKenzie Tue 16-Oct-12 22:19:15

strange goings on indeed.

Well done for recording. God I wish this nightmare was over for you. You're getting closer. Keep strong.

claw4 Tue 16-Oct-12 22:32:11

Oh i should mention that ds accusing his brothers of hitting him, is quite common, but they dont actually do it. A touch on the arm, is a punch, a touch on the shoulder is a strangle etc

or trying to stop ds when he flies into a rage at them over the slightest little thing, they suffer the brunt of it, but they never hit him, they are grown men at over 6 foot, they literally pick him up, put him outside of their bedroom door and lock it!

claw4 Tue 16-Oct-12 22:45:33

and he writes horrible things about them, but on the whole they put up with a lot from him and are nice to him ie playing ps3 and board games with him until he loses or they dont do exactly as he says and starts hitting them, they take him to the shop buy him sweets etc, etc.

If anything he is pretty horrible to them, is it common for kids with ASD not to like thier siblings very much?

mariammma Tue 16-Oct-12 23:44:23

If you can get the 'true' stuff about his upsets re the brothers recorded officially, it might be helpful. The horrible things he writes may be handy ;)

You'll know 'feeling a touch as a punch' is often a sensory thing, Maybe an OT referral is appropriate? It being declined, isn't your fault. He probably hates the brothers mostly for being outside of his control. (that's why DS hates dd anyway)

claw4 Wed 17-Oct-12 08:06:47

Mariammma exactly, he has had OT assessment, he has SPD and lots of sensory difficulties, lots of recommendations made, which school are not following and yet another need that remains unmet hence the self harming etc, etc

Lots of other sensory behaviours, he also does lots of running and crashing into his brothers or wants to 'play fight' with them, but then is unable to tolerate it, ends up crying and saying they have hurt him.

When they play with him, ie board games or ps3, he cant stand to lose and they have to play exactly as he tells them, or he will have a meltdown and attack them.

If they refuse to play with him, he takes things from their rooms, ie mobile phone, ipod, money etc and hides it. In short, he can be pretty horrid to his brothers, he likes his brothers as long as they are doing exactly what he wants, when he wants! I think you are right about being out of his control.

But try explaining that to SS, they really have no idea.

claw4 Wed 17-Oct-12 09:16:34

Its all making sense now, last night, ds told me that he is sad all the time and i asked him 'what do you worry about at home' and explained that if he tells me we can try and make his worries not so big.

He said 'his brothers', then that he couldnt think of anything else, then after a pause 'you getting angry' I asked 'does that happen a lot' he replied 'no you never get angry, but i worry in case you do'

So when asked about things he worries about, he doesnt necessarily worry about things that actually happen, just things that could happen. You have to be extremely specific with ds.

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