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Feel like I cant carry on

(55 Posts)
greener2 Tue 16-Oct-12 19:22:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ohmeohmy Tue 16-Oct-12 19:27:36

How dispiriting for you. You are doing the right thing by your child but others are putting up walls in your way. Take some time to recoup, regain your energy then carry on the fight. Your instincts will be right. Sorry you are facing this.

greener2 Tue 16-Oct-12 19:34:14

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NoHaudinMaWheest Tue 16-Oct-12 19:35:14

It is much easier for professionals to blame parents than to do anything. Never mind how soul destroying it is for the parents.

How old is your daughter?

marjproops Tue 16-Oct-12 19:35:20

O mate, soooo been there, done that, still there, still doing that. Have been really fobbed off by Cahms too, have had to change GP snd even tho new ones nicer he's still taking forever to help, been to counselling cause I felt suicidal in the end cause NO ONE would take me seriously, they could all see DC has major probs, physical and especially mental, yet passed from pillar to post and to hell and back. the oNLY thing to do is keep on and on and on andon at them all. Ive had social services, CAB, doctors, schools, Vicar, the whole works and STILL get no joy.

Been at this all her life she's 12 now.

It never ends and Im sure other MNs will identify too, its forever banging heads against brick walls, and BTW be ready to be called neurotic and uber fussy too, fighting for DCs rights. Ive even brought up Fiona Pilkington, (google the story) and then was threatened by soc services that they were going to take DC away from me for saying that.

Im just managing to cope at the mo, as our housing circumstances is a bit easier at the mo, that was one of our probs.

easy for people to say 'just hang in there', isnt it? But know you're not the only one, feels like it at times. MNs helped me a lot knowing there are others in same situation.

greener2 Tue 16-Oct-12 19:43:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

endoftherainbow Tue 16-Oct-12 19:58:17

It's hard, probably the toughest period you'll be faced with. Try to remember the positive aspects of your journey to date - what you have achieved so far, even with this set back. Take time out from chasing up referrals, making telephone calls etc and have some time as a family. My dh has a different view too, it's frustrating but you need each others support to get through this. I hit 'the wall' last week, felt I couldn't go on, the lowest I'd ever got. A bit of time out, remembering what's good and refocusing has helped me to get started again.

marjproops Tue 16-Oct-12 19:58:47

Not trying to steal your thunder here but please just be grateful you have a partner, Im doing this on my own.

He may be more supportive than you think. At this moment theres nothing more that you can do tonight, its helped me to park a few things and tackle one thing at a time.

please try and calm down, for your sanity and for your family. again so much easier said than done, Ive looked at bottles of pills when DCs gone to bed, but just cant, I HAVE to be there for her, and I love her too much to do anything major.

have a nice hot bubbly bath. Wish I had a bath, only got a shower in rented place!!! That always helped me too. Hope we have all helped in some way. xx

merlincat Tue 16-Oct-12 20:34:26

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sweetteamum Tue 16-Oct-12 20:48:56

greener I have no official (or even useful) advice.

I just wanted to tell you that you're not alone. I'm right there with you at the moment and constantly feel 'empty'. You will have alot of parents knowing where your coming from.

This could be a really really bad time for you, but there may be days when things don't look so bleak.

Please make sure you have enough support, that has been 'some' difference. It's off my doctor but she's been fantastic.

bialystockandbloom Tue 16-Oct-12 20:56:24

Oh you poor thing. Knockbacks are hard.

Tell us about her - maybe someone here can at least share experiences with you which might help with actual practical, tangible ways to help her.

Are you in a position to look for a private opinion?

inappropriatelyemployed Tue 16-Oct-12 21:03:23

I'm so sorry you are going through this but don't turn that anger in on yourself (easier said than done I know). This is the system shafting you. Turn your anger against that.

You cannot always beat the system but you can bloody well ensure it doesn't destroy you.

DHs don't always understand how profoundly these things affect us as we do the day to day grunt work of trying to sort these things out. Try not to turn on him - hard I know as I am the worse one of all for taking things out on poor, clueless DH.

You need a plan of action. Yes, these useless shits have knocked you back but this is not the end. Trust your instincts. What do you think the problem is?

As bialy says let us know what the difficulties are and we can try and help.

You are not beaten and you deserve better - so does your daughter.

creamteas Tue 16-Oct-12 21:04:31

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time, and life is so stressful. Is there anyone in RL that can support you? Friends? We all have down days and bad days, and none of us are perfect. But the issues are not caused by you.

Just remember you are the expert on your child, and whilst no one else is listening now, you will get through this.

greener2 Tue 16-Oct-12 21:07:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

creamteas Tue 16-Oct-12 21:17:10

It is not you, and depression during pregnancy did not cause your DD's issues.

You are having a hard time and are tired, but you are not to blame. Hang on in there. It may take a while, and be a bumpy road, but it will get bearable if not better

ohmeohmy Tue 16-Oct-12 21:44:58

It is not you. You did not cause this. The system sucks and your concerns are not being taken seriously. It sounds like you need some support for you.

sweetteamum Tue 16-Oct-12 21:50:48

I will also like to add that PND will NOT be the cause of your DD problems. I also had pnd and was still on meds through getting pregnant with my 2nd child and went straight back onto them. I had a not so disimilar childhood and it was c.rap. Not at all like the hearts and flowers some family members like to believe!!

Anyway, You know your child best and that is what I had to keep thinking too. I fought everyone and anyone, I pestered the doctors, School, SENco, LEA etc etc. We got some private reports done and its all kicked off from there . . I WAS right and can't believe how much DD has HAD to adapt to 'get by in life (more so school life). I was taken more serious when I had reports - Oh and I also recorded voice memos of conversations and took video clips on my phone. It really was the only way and i'm really glad I did.

Girls and Boys can show different traits of the same 'conditions' and girls are spotted less so than boys, but then again some boys just get passed as 'naughty' which is unfair.

Keep on for what you believe is right.

newbrunette Tue 16-Oct-12 22:07:22

Do you have anyone with you right now? Is there anyone you can call or talk to? Can you go to your GP in the morning and explain exactly how you're feeling? It sounds like you need loads of support to get through this rocky period.

I recognise some of the feelings you're talking about and I really, really sympathise. Even though you're really unhappy, you're not 'bringing unhappiness to everyone'. Please try to get some help for you to make it all feel a bit more bearable. When we're constantly looking for ways to help our dcs, it's easy to forget that we as mothers need help too.

Please keep us posted.

greener2 Tue 16-Oct-12 22:11:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Walter4 Tue 16-Oct-12 22:32:29

Greener , I have sent you a pm.

creamteas Tue 16-Oct-12 22:38:46

Is your DD in preschool or reception now? If so, what do they think? Are you in England? You do not need a diagnosis to get your child's need recognized in education. Have a look at the IPSEA website here.

You also don't need a diagnosis to claim Disability Living Allowance and whilst the form is difficult, it might give you some extra cash to pay for support.

Keep a diary of the difficulties and this will help you deal with professionals.

And, above all, be kind to yourself. You need support for you, to be able to support your child.

alison222 Tue 16-Oct-12 22:49:50

I have no advice about how to get supported by the professionals but if you feel that it is autism, then reading about it and about behaviour strategies used for children with autism and trying them out can't hurt. In fact I don't think that there can be anything to be said against being very clear, direct, consistent, keeping routines, etc whatever the problems or not that any child has.
Please do not give up the fight. Your instinct that there is a problem is rooted in what you see and there will be a way forward even if you cant see it right now.

crazygal Tue 16-Oct-12 22:56:58

Hi there Greener....
I really feel for you right now and after reading your posts it took me back to myself just over a year ago!

Our ds was referred to the pead,and was sent out the door ten minuets later,saying there is nothing wrong with him,that it was all in my head,and like your dd,his behaviour came and went,how you described your dd is how i described my ds,but no one else could see it! not even dh.
everyone said hes fine..some one even said i think its you that cant cope with a child!
my heart was broke,and at the time i wished id never had him sad
it was how i felt....
I too was depressed,on high doses of pills to keep calm....

lucky enough,the school then started to note problems,
i found an inner strength from god knows where and i started my fight!
those pills were chucked after a yr.....

it took 3 and a half years to get our diagnosis,
he has adhd and aspects of aspergers,
to which everyone who told me he was fine,now says that he's not,he does stand out from others....

I love this little lad so much now,i love his little ways,yeah its bloody hard,
(i had glasses and plates thrown at me this week)
but ive learned to cope with it,ive learned so much about it all,and the understanding of his condition,
you WILL get there....its a long road,to long to do it on your own,so stay on mn,get books,research,talk talk talk...it will all help,
lots of people on here will completely understand you and help.xxxx

greener2 Tue 16-Oct-12 23:16:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

1950sthrowback Tue 16-Oct-12 23:42:20

Greener, i sounds like you are being a bit hard on yourself. It is a really really tough thing to deal with - especially if you have more questions than answers. I hope you get some answers/ help soon.

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