Advanced search

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on SN.

Do you get angry when people stare at your child's unusual behaviour?

(11 Posts)
perceptionreality Mon 15-Oct-12 17:27:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

colditz Mon 15-Oct-12 17:34:47

No. It's normal behaviour for a gaze to linger longer than normal on something you are unfamiliar with, in order to take in more information.

Staring does not equal judgement, and you have to remember that there is a significant portion of society that look entirely normal and don't know that it is rude to stare, and cannot be made to understand it when they are told.

My son, when he was about seven, got yelled at by the mother of a child in a wheelchair who was about the same age. I saw red, and quietly explained that his behaviour was due to a disability that has life wrecking consequences, and that she should stop being so damned judgemental.

StarlightMcKenzie Mon 15-Oct-12 17:43:05

No. I assume that they have their problems and I have mine and we all have to live in the same world.

If I have evidence of them judging then that is something different entirely, as well as comments, but just staring I have learned to just ignore it. My dd stares at a dwarf and a wheelchair user with LD in a cafe we go to frequently. I have had discussions with her about talking about them in their earshot and staring but she's just 4.

My ds is only 5 so perhaps I'll care more when he is older. I used to care very much when he was 3 but somehow I just know in my heart that they have NO IDEA and their priorities (to have a peaceful shopping trip) are not my priorities (to have a shopping trip).

silverfrog Mon 15-Oct-12 17:50:06

it bothers me.

I get upset, mostly on dd1's behalf. she tries so very hard to do the right thing, and whilst she doesn't notice other people staring particularly, and wouldn't understand why they were even if she did notice, I despair, as one day she will have to live amongst these people without me to act as a barrier or a go-between.

and that bothers me a lot.

1950sthrowback Mon 15-Oct-12 17:58:20

It depends - the gate into our school is literally in a row of houses. The woman in the house right next to the gate used to be putting her kids into her car JUST at the moment I had to physically drag ds kicking and screaming into the school. (he used to go in early because of the problems we had getting him to school, so at least we didn't have a mass audience of parents to contend with at this point). She always stopped to have a good old look at the show until I suggested in a my sweetest smileyest voice* that she might prefer GMTV. (*he would have been biting my hand to get free at the time, or throwing himself on the floor and wiggling)
BUT before that, when he had to go in with all the other children, I used to just sqwirm and want it all to go away.

GhostofMammaTJ Mon 15-Oct-12 18:00:49

The worst incedent I had was in McD. My DP was queueing for the food and I was sat down with my DC. My DD is in the process of trying to get a diagnosis for ADHD. She does not do sitting down nicely!!

Every time she tried to get up to run around, I told her to sit still and do the colouring that I had set her up with. This did happen several times. Every single time this Dad with two teens glared at me. I ended up telling him not to stare as it wasn't helpful and that he would have good reason to judge if I let her do what she wanted and run around. He told me to calm down, not the best idea when he was the one getting me stressed in the first place.

SallyBear Mon 15-Oct-12 18:12:09

My DD (13) has a craniofacial syndrome. We've had a lifetime of stares and comments. I just look them in the eye. If they ask why she hasn't got ears, or why she looks funny I explain. But mainly I just wish they'd just F-off.

merlincat Mon 15-Oct-12 18:35:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

perceptionreality Mon 15-Oct-12 19:16:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

colditz Mon 15-Oct-12 19:24:57

Ds1 gets stared at all the time. Of course he does. It's just not a usual sight, a child in a supermarket trolley, shouting CHEESE CHEESE CHEESE over and over agin. He's a seizable nine year old, by the way, not some cute little tot.

But I don't sense any judgement in it, just bafflement. Maybe I'm just thick skinned

cansu Mon 15-Oct-12 21:08:55

it depends. i expect people to have a slightly longer initial look where i think they are computing the fact that he obviously has special needs. if they then continue to stare or make remarks then I do find it upsetting and annoying. however I try and reason with myself that they are probably ignorant idiots who I would have little in common with anyway so fuck them!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now