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First post need advice Son aged 4 ADHD &school

(15 Posts)
MrsD01 Sun 14-Oct-12 18:09:41

My son is 4 and has ADHD .. We haven't been given an official diagnoses because of his age but have seen many Heath professionals which say he defiantly has but he is too young .. From an early age has displayed such signs ... My son isn't particularly naughty just has a lot of energy and has difficulty in managing his behaviour . Bearing this in mind we have had a recent issue with his new primary school which is where I need my advice please

He start in foundation stage in September he had settled really well and was really enjoying it. He started off doing afternoons , then morning then morning and lunch. He was getting glowing reports how intelligent he was how he was managing himself really well nd had not had any issues what so ever .

Then come last Monday it was his first day staying all day, when I picked him up they said he had been unsettled for the afternoon and had said he had become angry because he wanted to come home.

Another fresh day Tuesday I'm out shopping and receive a call from his school asking me to collect him straight away it was 12 when I received the call took me a few minutes to drive to this school hen I got there, the teachers wanted to talk to me about what had happened and the next stage as they call it .

Please bear in mind this is the first incident since starting he had walked into school and greeted the teacher with "shut up miss" when she had said good morning to him ... She immediately sent him to the head teachers office where he stayed to think about his actions for 20 minutes( which I agree with it was rude of him and he shouldn't of done it for what ever reason he had) he was aloud back to the foundation stage when straight away he had walked in and thrown something ( not sure what ) they immediately corner him because if the safety of other children again fine with me. 2 adults had him cornered which he wasn't happy about so they decided to try and remove him into a place of safety which didn't result well .... He had tried to kick both of the teachers trying to remove him , this resulted in him becoming increasingly angry which then lead to them physically restraining him on the floor and removing him this took 3 adults ( because even though he is a small lad ) they reckon he was 2 strong when in his state . I was called at 12 this all started at 9 am when they called me he was calm and sitting at the table and drawing.

He was exclude for the rest of the week and I was told I needed to attend a meeting on Friday ( just gone ) which I did I took my son in uniform and with lunch as this is what I was told to do . When I to there I assumed they had taken my son off for his normal activities for that day. I was informed by the head teacher that they I'll only let my son back to school for 1 hour a day 9am /10am because they think he isn't ready for school and they are not ready for him.

We had several meetings about my sons behaviour prior to going to this school and I've told them what works and what doesn't for him .

In the meeting I was armed with my own opinion and asked them why they couldn't of not let him out to the play ground to run of his temper and suggest that they were the catalyst of making him worse when they have restrained him ( I have tried it once and it doesn't work it makes him angrier )

So I'm left with my son only able to attend school 9-10 ( it takes us longer to walk to school ) and I'm at a dead end .

I immediately have informed his caff co ordinator and seeked advice from a sure start centre . But what do I do now I don't think this is fair considering he is unable to control his temper ... And is always hyper.

I'm not bothered if you want to critise and say its his fault I'm just looking for advice or even parents who have been in a similar situation and can give me some light

Please help

Hydromum84 Sun 14-Oct-12 18:21:06

Sorry i don't have a Great deal of advice but I just wanted to say I think the school need to get their fingers out and try harder with him. The way I see it, it's a big thing starting on full days, he's young and he could of been tired , missing his mummy, he snapped and doesn't like being told off. Being sent to the head is a bit extreme for a 4 year old if you ask me , cornering him and restraining him will only make it worse . They need to learn how to deal with a child with ADHD , maybe get some info together for them and things your son likes/dislikes. I would also look at getting a one to one teacher for your son for part of the day. An hour a day won't do him any favours if you ask me, I would ask he stays the full morning until something is done. How is he meant to learn and settle when they won't give him a chance ?!

Well done on getting advice , schools can be lazy when it comes to things like this because it involves more than they originally thought ( I have a son with hydrocephalus , showing traits of ADHD And asd , although nothing can be confirmed yet!) and he suffers bad with his fine motor skills, I am up against his school at the moment to get him the help he needs and deserves but it's so hard to get them to listen!

I really hope you get things sorted , I don't think it's your sons fault at all, I think the school are at fault here .

MrsD01 Sun 14-Oct-12 18:29:12

Thank you for your reply .. In response he already has a one to to one teacher and his form tutor is a Senco .
I have been through the things that he likes to do and not like to do so much and what calms him ( quiet voice sit down a cuddle and book for 5 minutes does wonders) but they point out to me they have there own rules at school and it isn't possibly, if the 60 foundation children wanted a cuddle they couldn't have it ... I have been researching all weekend about what I can do .. I'll add in he already has a statement of special needs under behaviour / discipline

Thank you x

colditz Sun 14-Oct-12 18:32:04

These are exclusions, and until you get these in writing, ignore them and send him full time.

They may say that to put them in writing will wreck his record .... It won't, it will wreck theirs, which is why they don't like doing it

colditz Sun 14-Oct-12 18:33:31

Does it stay in his statement that if he becomes angry, he should be physically manhandled and pinned on the floor?

MrsD01 Sun 14-Oct-12 18:34:48

I received the exclusion letter as soon as I picked him up on Tuesday and no it doesn't state that.

Chundle Sun 14-Oct-12 18:38:01

Oh dear sad your poor son. My dd had a dx of adhd from age 6 so I know hoe tough it can be. Whilst she doesn't require 1 to 1 I'm pretty damn sure if she was cornered by three teachers or restrained she would put up a fight as well! The school don't sound very in tune with your boy and you sound like you need help. Have you phoned Parent Partnership? They are a free service for parents of kids with special needs and will accompany you to meetings at schools etc they are very good. Good luck!

MrsD01 Sun 14-Oct-12 18:40:50

I have just heard about parent partner ship on Wednesday when I went to see a lady at the sure start centre she gave me the number which I tried several times but was met by answer phone , I sent an email on Friday afternoon but didn't receive anything assuming they had probably finished for the day. I will try again though tomorrow.

Thank you

bigTillyMint Sun 14-Oct-12 18:46:09

Please check if the adults involved have had Restraint Training, may be known as Positive Handling - there are many techniques which require only one or two adults and are SAFE for all concerned.

But they should also be using De-escalation Strategies to try to avoid having to hold in the first place. Ask them what their de-escalation strategies are.

And if he has a statement for behavioural needs, have they got a plan in place, that all adults that come into contact with him are fully aware of, detailing how to manage his behaviour positively?

Chundle Sun 14-Oct-12 18:46:33

Do try again as they were an immense help to me.
Your boy is so young he really needs school to be as understanding as possible with him. Wr had to change dds school last year as her last school were crap but her new school are amazing

MrsD01 Sun 14-Oct-12 18:52:51

Thank you for your advice I've written it down .. I'll be in there in the morning asking about everything I have found out.

I will for sure be contacting parent partner ship .. I feel I have physically exhausted every avenue that I am aware of which is why I'm turning to other mums.

When I had my first initial meeting to discuss my sons needs I told them they wouldn't be right for him because he needs somebody very special .. Who can build a special relationship with him for him to be able to manage with a little assistance.
I was assure they had out numerous plans in place and assured me they were very capable.

Should I be looking for a different school for my son ?

bigTillyMint Sun 14-Oct-12 18:58:34

Possibly, but I think you should have a meeting and ask all these question s first and then see what you think.

If you do want to find a different school, it may be worth asking the parent partnership person if they know of any schools that they would recommend as suitable for your DS.

Hydromum84 Sun 14-Oct-12 19:12:56

Parent partnership are really good , do try getting through to them again. They helped loads with my ds , I felt like crying when someone agreed with me and understood my concerns !

You have to make sure they give your son 100% the attention he needs and deserves, if you feel this is not the case then I would be thinking about another school for him. I would try approaching the school about it , with the suggestions from other people on here and see how you get on. If in a couple of weeks you are still in the same position as you are now I would certainly be looking at other schools in your area. Good luck x

Chundle Sun 14-Oct-12 19:21:25

My dds school failed her for three years sad then they failed their ofsted mainly based on failing kids with special needs!!! So we found a school with outstanding ofsted went to appeal and won her place there although as you have a statement it should be a bit easier hopefully to change him schools. Give them a chance to redeem themselves and make it work as it is early days but don't give them chance upon chance as all it will do is dent your ds confidence

Inaflap Sun 14-Oct-12 19:51:54

It is possible that he just isnt ready for the formality of school. There is a huge amount of things that they are expected to do such as lining up, sitting where they are told, not wriggling too mucg, playing ccoperatively. That's before the reading and writing. I had the same thing with my son who has asd, plus many other things. The school got some things wrong but got a lot of other things right. He had one to one and they created a work station for him which was a bit of a refuge and meant they could teach the other kids but he could do his work with the TA. The fact that your son already has a statement is brilliant but would also indicate to me that his needs are complex and challenging. It is going to take time for the school to know how he works, what upsets him, etc etc. that being said, having him for only one hour a day is not good enough unless they know of a SEN school or centre where they think his needs would be better catered for and they have to show the LEA that they can't cope. However, I think they haven't given your son much of a chance. I would say Ok to part time but the hours should build up over the next week. Routine is really important. Have they and you tried social stories these would talk him through 'what happens when we get to school', 'asking for help'. He needs constant reinforcement and very short activities interspersed with 'rewards' such as his own behaviour chart. He also needs visual symbols and a clear indication each day of the routine. He probably has trouble thinking in the abstract - most 4 year olds do, so the visual prompts would be the best.

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