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Is it normal to not be able to leave dd age3 alone for 2mins?!

(16 Posts)
osospecial Fri 12-Oct-12 20:12:14

Had the most frightening experience earlier, DP got home from work and took dog out for walk, I stripped dd down to vest+nappy downstairs and then popped upstairs for her pyjamas.
I got back downstairs and the front door was wide open! I panicked and ran outside up our path and looked up and down our estate but no sign of dd, I started running towards the top of the estate and saw dd running towards entrance of the estate and the main road, I shouted at her but of course she took no notice, I have never run so fast in my life, I caught up with her thank god and she was just laughing. Keep thinking if I had taken longer upstairs, stopped to go to the bathroom or something she would have run straight out into the road. Don't know if door didn't 'click' closed properly after DP (it looked closed when i passed to go upstairs) or if DD worked out how to open the door, it's really scared the life out of me and door will be permenantly locked from now on (would have been as soon as DP got back usually), only just stopped shaking hours later and after wine!
It's not just this incident though, I have to keep hold of her outside at all times or she will run off, she is very quick and has no sense of danger.
In the house I cannot leave her unattended for 2 mins, she is always climbing, up on the kitchen units, standing on dining room table, windowsills! Either that or chewing candles, dvd cases, artifical flowers (thats just tonights list) putting small things in mouth etc. Just can NEVER be off guard, the experience earlier has really shaken me and feel like she might end up having a nasty accident if I make ANY mistake and drop my guard like today HELP!
Is this normal for 3 year old as DD is my first+only child or is this behaviour linked to asd? Asking as we are seeing paed again in nov due to other asd traits (speech, understanding+social issues) and want to know if this is something I should be telling them about.
Also as she is due to start school after xmas this is also a concern, can this help towards getting her 1:1 in school?I really feel like it could be dangerous without it. She has 1:1 in play group at moment and they mentioned havin to watch her with putting things in mouth there before 1:1 started.
Sorry bit of a mixed post, any experience or advice appreciated x

cansu Fri 12-Oct-12 21:07:14

Just composed long response and lost it. I think this is very difficult. I have experienced same sort of terrifying moment. My ds aged 11 has always Been a climber. We used to close off parts of the huse to him so t was easier to keep track of him. He has got much better as he has got older but nevertheless requires the same level of supervision as a toddler. This is hard to maintain over 11 years! We have tried as much as possible to adapt the house to make it as safe as possible. He has a downstairs playroom in our old dining room so we can keep an eye on him whilst trying to do other things and this has helped. He sed to climb on sofa in is playroom so we bought bean bag sofa as this lessened chance of accident. There are always issues but I think you can lessen them by adapting environment but it certainly isn't easy. You might have to think about high hook and eye locks that you put on when you or your after leave the house. We ended up with a combination lock padlock on our garden gate to prevent dd who is also asd but pretty savvy from getting out of our garden!

osospecial Fri 12-Oct-12 22:24:25

Thanks canst, yes we will have to look at different locks for the front door now, going to have a look in town tomorrow, our small front gate broke in a storm so we do need to replace that as well although it's easy enough to just jump the small wall and out through next door's gate. (It wasn't an issue as she couldn't get past the front door before). It seems like as soon as I move one thing she just finds another dangerous thing to do! It's just getting me down as I always seem to be telling her off. She does not sit and play with toys for long, the majority of the time she is doing something she shouldn't but she just does not listen when told not to do it. It gets frustrating saying the same things over and over every night. What is it about climbing? Dd also likes bouncing, being tipped upside down and spun around. I think it has something to do with being under sensitive to movement? (Just going by something I read in Hanen book) do you know if you can do something to reduce the need to do that? She has a trampoline for bouncing.

EllenJaneisstillnotmyname Fri 12-Oct-12 22:27:12

That sort of uncontrolled impulsiveness sounds a bit extreme for a 3 yo, but could be on the borders of typical. TBH, you are able to build quite a picture of flags, which, individually, aren't too worrying, but taken together show more of a pattern. I'd say, if you are worried, and you obviously are because you've posted here often, then you are doing the right think seeking assessment.

mariamma Fri 12-Oct-12 23:46:44

I thought it was normal with ds1 age 3. Still did, till he was 5. At that stage dd (at age 2.5y) was the reliable one, and alarm bells belatedly started ringing.

justoutsidenormalrange Fri 12-Oct-12 23:57:18

old thread

justoutsidenormalrange Sat 13-Oct-12 00:07:11

new thread

ouryve Sat 13-Oct-12 00:16:57

just from my own experience, an SN forum is probably not the best place to answer that question ;)

TheLightPassenger Sat 13-Oct-12 08:35:44

I agree with Ellen, by itself, this sort of behaviour could be the extreme end of normal but in conjunction with language and other dificulties, it's part of a more concerning pattern.TBH, I think if you have got to the point of thinking - is this normal, then chances are it isn't, as we are so biased towards thinking what our child does is the norm iyswim

osospecial Sat 13-Oct-12 09:26:37

Just outside I just read those threads, had to laugh at the dog flap one, DD always does that, I am constantly running out to get her from her trampoline in the rain, in her pyjamas having escaped through the dog flap! Also the one about sitting on the kitchen unit waving a knife around, been there2, (I left a knife in the drainer with other dishes after washing up once)
Thanks for the other replies, I see what you mean, on it's own it could just be seen as a bit extreme, just a busy child who likes climbing.
thelightpassanger I didn't really think too much of the running off before, like you said you just assume its the norm until
1. My friend looked after dd and took her and her 3 DC to feed chickens by our local farm shop, the minute she took DD out of the car she bolted up towards the road, after catching her they went to feed the chickens but DD had no interest and ran off and she had to chase her around the farm shop, her own DS (same age and a very busy boy himself) was happy with his siblings feeding the chickens, she ended up having to put DD back in the car for her own safety.
2. Then we went for a day out, the above family and another friend with 2DC, one of which is the same age. The whole day I realised the other 2 could be left to run a little bit in front or over to the play area while we sat on a picnic table (where we could see them ) and they would come back and for, I had to hold on to DD the whole time, or 'shadow her' as otherwise she would just have bolted and run away as far as she could.

It was then I started to think maybe this is not right that I can't let go of her hand for a second while we are out of the house.

I guess it'll just be something I need to add on to my list of concerns for when we see the paed as it is a concern for me esp when she starts school.

marchduck Sat 13-Oct-12 14:23:27

No advice oso, but just hope you have got over the shock, it must have been so scary. Your DD is very enterprising by the sounds of it!
My DD is not too bad in the house, but she is a runner too with no awareness of danger, so I can sympathise. She also made a bid for freedom a few months ago, and got out through the side gate which had been left open.
I would mention it when you see the paed in November, it will help build up the picture of your DD's behaviours. I know what you mean as well about thinking things are normal until you see other children the same age in the same situations. With my DD, I probably do things sub-consciously to manage/accommodate her, and thinking about it, I wouldn't have to do it with my older DS, if that makes sense -for example, I also keep the knives in a very high cupboard! Good luck with the appointment.

osospecial Sat 13-Oct-12 17:57:24

Thanks marchduck I seem to be running out of places to put things that DD can't reach, she is very tall and what she can't reach she finds a way to climb to! We do have safety locks on the drawers where all the knives are though, she did get hold of one that I had just washed up and left on draining board once tho! I have just about got over the shock thanx and been to buy an additional lock for front door today! Hope ur doing well smile

willowthecat Sat 13-Oct-12 18:25:41

I recognise a lot of what you are describing - I used to think it was normal for ds1 to run off everywhere and to show no interest in what other children were doing but when I looked at other children the same age and younger and see how 'joined in' to people they were, it started to concern me so yes although people will always tell you that 'oh it's all normal' if it's seen in conjunction with other red flags such as delayed communication then it may part of a larger picture.

Triggles Sat 13-Oct-12 18:40:06

This is behaviour we have with DS2. He is 6yo and has dx of ADHD/ASD, plus a few other things. We cannot leave him unattended at all... still have a monitor in his room at night and a taller safety gate on his bedroom door for his own safety. Hooks on some doors in the house at a very high height, and a stable door with safety lock on the kitchen so he can't get in there on his own.

We've found that because he is prone to routine, we can install a couple safety procedures that he will follow...for the most part... not because it is safe, but because it is routine for him. It's taken us 3 years to get him to the point where he can walk from car on the drive to the door of the house without running off. And if there is any distraction at all, it's gone - he's off and running. We simply cannot let the guard down.

I do think you are doing the right thing by having her assessed. It will give you a better idea where the behaviour is coming from hopefully.

In the meantime, child locks, safety gates, hooks on doors... these are your friends. grin We'd never manage without them.

ouryve Sat 13-Oct-12 18:58:49

You can get plastic knife protectors, which can help to stop any hands which do get into the drawer picking a knife up by the blade. I have some that clip sht, but I can't find anywhere that sells them anymore. I've seen these, though and I'm sure there's others
www.hartsofstur.com/acatalog/MagMates_Knife_Protectors.html

mompa Sat 13-Oct-12 20:23:03

Cannot leave my DS (ASD) nearly 5 for even a moment. He climbs, runs off, does all sorts of dangerous things. He too escaped once and ran up a busy main road and has tried to bolt into traffic - terrifying. Yes it will help in your getting one to one. DS has one to one mainly to keep him safe since he was 2 and a half and now has one to one at after school club too

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