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Bullying, urgent advice needed.

(8 Posts)
supermum98 Fri 12-Oct-12 06:26:26

My son was punched in stomach and kicked, grabbed round neck etc. in response to my son accidentally kicking a ball into the offender's face, on Wednesday, he moved into line of fire. This is second incident of violence this term and had meeting with Head and Governor last term as same boy threatened to 'beat my son up' last term and bloodied my son's nose at a party. Clearly has anger management issues. My son's friends family moved their children out of the school because their son was bullied and school not dealing with it. Have been offered by Head a meeting with Governors Tuesday at the earliest, asked for urgent meeting with Head and class teacher, was hopeing today. My son was punced in stomach again yesterday.
It seems totally bizarre to not be offered a meeting with the Head/class teacher, what is going on here and what should i do?

GhostofMammaTJ Fri 12-Oct-12 06:47:01

Don't wait to be offered a meeting, go in there and at least see the class teacher before school starts this morning.
Please come back and say how it went!!

zzzzz Fri 12-Oct-12 06:50:03

Ask for the meetings you want? Best in writing. Ask what they are doing to ensure your child's safety? Does your child have sn? Are you sure you are getting a totally accurate description of events?

steelev48 Fri 12-Oct-12 08:57:44

When my children were being bullied last year, I was advised to keep a written log of everything including all incidents, who you contacted about it, what they said and did about it. Then to write to the head, copied to the governors, asking them to check what had been officially recorded and what was being done about it, how were they going to make sure that the bullying had stopped.

I did find that the response differed from one teacher to the next. One of the teachers sided with the bully and I ended up having to write to the head (who in fairness took immediate action and the bullying stopped straight away, but she had taught the bullies in the past and knew exactly what they like unlike the class teacher that they had at the time). My other child's teacher (SN) took it very seriously with immediate action, no need to escalate further. It turn out that she had also been bullied as a child.

I totally sympathise with you and what are undoubtedly going through, whether your child has special needs or not. I hope this gets sorted out quickly.

moosemama Fri 12-Oct-12 10:29:09

As steelev said. Log absolutely every incident and write to the head, copied to governors with all the details.

Ask for a copy of the school's anti-bullying policy - they have to give you this and it may even be on the school's website - and quote it to them in the letter.

Ask directly how they are going to address the problem, ensure that it stops and it can't start up again.

The following websites will help you come up with the right strategy and effective wording for your letter.

Beat Bullying
Bullying.co.uk
Department of Education advice for schools
Department of Education advice for parents
Family lives bullying forum

I feel for you and your ds. We have been through this with ds1 and it's heartbreaking. I really hope you can get the school to take action asap. If not I would follow your friend's lead and take him out of the school.

Good luck.

supermum98 Sat 13-Oct-12 00:59:07

On lashings of red wine OMG what an aweful day. Thankyou so much for help/tips. THink I'd go mad without MN. I had to take my son out to open morning this am. At 8.30 am requested by e-mail urgent meeting with Head. Came back around 11 ish with son and checked for response/none. Decided not happy to send son in. Contacted CC bullying department and said was worried about sending son in as no evidence school going to deal with it until Tues. They were very kind and sympathetic and said I was right to take this line and suggested getting note from Doctor if a problem. Rang school and asked to speak to Head, she was not available so told sec to tell her he was not coming in as deemed school not safe. Phone call hour later to say Head and Gov could meet with me later today (surprising what they can do when you take your child out of school). Lots of platitudes, Head and Governor said that they found me very threatening as had put in my e-mail that if this wasn't resolved I would be prepared to take my child out of school and tell the LEA why. Bare in mind this has been happening on and off for a year now and I am at the end of my tether. Ironically my child is coping better with it than me now. He is ds sort of by the way as diagnosed with working memory issue, but not too bad. Logged with Ed Psych in Feb issues with playground.
Lots of other kids had probs with this lad. Yesterday friends daughter was hit on back by him and rang Head also. Head said basically if I went to LEA with it she has dossier/file on me that she could send in. She said she finds me very difficult can't remember exact words and therefore can't have meeting with me on her own, hence delay as GOvernor too busy to come in before Tues, despite managing today. I have been nothing but polite, non-agressive and fair to the Head, today was the first day I have got mildly cross. She is refering to year 6 with ds 1 where I had endless meetings and letters exchanged because the school failed to resource suitable reading material for him and was getting emotionally distressed because of it, comes up a lot in his councelling at moment. I have clearly been black-labelled as a dangerous Mum. Get the best of it, she sent an e-mail by mistake to me back then, that was meant for another Head, dis-ing me and I could have sent in a formal complaint based on that alone and erred on the side of kindness as she was asked to apologise by GOvernors. God do I wish I had now.
Now I feel bullied by her as I have issues with my ds1's Sec which I may go to the Head with, so if I get black marked by the LEA as dangerous Mum, will that affect me resolving issues with my ds1 at Sec? I had no idea there was so much corruption in education. I have another friend who was threatened by a Head with Legal Action because she wrote in kind letters about the schools lack of provision for her dyslexic son. What is the world coming to?
Sorry for long thread but very cathartic.

Jerbil Sat 13-Oct-12 08:42:16

I'm not in your position as far as the bullying concerns are. any sign of that tends to be dealt with at our school thankfully. However, I am totally in your position with regard to the relationship with school. I believe it's their defensive stance. Defence is the best form of attack!

It's childish to say the least for them to suggest they have a file on you. BTW if information "a file" is being held on you then you more than likely have not given your consent for this and I suspect (but cannot guarantee) that this is highly irregular and potentially illegal? Under the FOI you should be able to request this file.

So WWID? Get some free legal advice (just a chat on the phone with someone - plenty of helplines out there). and then if they say that's is illegal. tell the head you're going to request the file on you through the FOI. call their bluff. bet it doesn't exist!

on the bullying side, i think you are so right not to send your child into a place where danger is present. get your back covered from all angles and get a doctors note. this school sound like they'll use everything to discredit you so be forewarned and forearmed.

good luck

Delalakis Sat 13-Oct-12 13:13:30

To be honest, you might well be best off finding another school and taking your child out. I'm astonished the bully hasn't been excluded if he is as much in the habit of physically assaulting other children as you say. If the school doesn't have the will to take this seriously and sort it out, no amount of official complaints is going to make them do so and your son may well be safer somewhere else.

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