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ASD and the 'red flag' - affection

(16 Posts)
mimicmonster Tue 09-Oct-12 21:59:42

hi hope it's ok to post here; my youngest son (almost 2) isn't...'cuddly.' He'll blow kisses when asked, he'll kiss you (and then kiss whoever else is in the room!), he'll constantly ask to be held up, has no problem being kissed, loves sitting on you/horse play, but just doesn't initiate cuddling.

So, I am curious what is it about affection that makes it an ASD flag? Is it a sensory issue?

inappropriatelyemployed Tue 09-Oct-12 22:07:51

I don't know but my son loves hugs but will never kiss or allow anyone to kiss him. He is 9. I've always thought kissing is too emotionally intense for him!

mimicmonster Tue 09-Oct-12 22:16:43

That's interesting, thanks. Actually, I would have thought that a physical hug can be more intense...

StaceeJaxx Tue 09-Oct-12 22:24:46

Your DS sounds like my dd when she was 2. She's 9 now and will give hugs unprompted but like inappropriatelyemployed's son she hates kisses completely.

mimicmonster Tue 09-Oct-12 22:26:53

So should i be concerned? sad

crappypatty Tue 09-Oct-12 22:28:02

When ds was 2, he didn't like hugs or kisses. He is now 8, and loves hugs although he prefers to give rather than receive. He sometimes needs reminding not to squeeze so hard.

Kisses are a total no no, I have never been kissed by him or been allowed to kiss him. I do cheat and kiss his forehead but only when he is asleep.

mimicmonster Tue 09-Oct-12 22:32:56

Thanks for the replies.
Would i need to see 'other' flags for it to be a concern or warning bell?

StarlightMcKenzie Tue 09-Oct-12 22:36:21

My dd doesn't do hugs. She's extremely tactile but is very 'cool' for a just 4yr old. She's whatever the opposite of Autism is.

chocjunkie Tue 09-Oct-12 22:39:24

DD(4) has autism (pretty severe) and is cuddly & affectionate. She loves hugs and kisses & also hugs and kisses us (immidiate family and close friends) unprompted - though she sometimes overdoes it with her little sister.

Asd and affection are not mutually exclusive ;)

Are you concerned about your DS and Asd?

chocjunkie Tue 09-Oct-12 22:45:04

Re warning flags - the biggest red flag we had around 2 was speech and language delay (i.e.also difficulty understanding language) and lack of communication in general (also no pointing, Dd would never bring things to me to show me), no pretend play.

Have you done the CHAT test?

mimicmonster Tue 09-Oct-12 22:55:57

Hi, thanks for all the replies.

Yes, had already looked at CHAT and there was no question that worried me/raised any warning bells

His language is good and developing all the time, and does some symbolic pretend play, though not masses. He's still got 6 weeks till his 2nd birthday. He's very interactive, likes company and for people to do stuff with him.

I probably sound really stupid and a total worry well. It was more of a curiosity - and my other son was very cuddly! I suppose it's hard not to compare.

But I didn't mean to offend. Of course I realise that there are simply some kids who don't cuddle, and it doesn't mean it's ASD. My niece is the same. Five years old and only just started to hug unprompted.

We have a book 'Hugs' which he loves and reads, all about a monkey looking for his mum in the jungle (to hug) and coming across lots of other animals hugging...he adores this book and will hug himself or his adored teddy...just not into hugging us!

inappropriatelyemployed Tue 09-Oct-12 22:58:04

Sorry I didn't realise you were worried about it. I think, on it's own, it is nothing to be particularly worried about. ASD diagnostic criteria relate to social interaction, communication and imagination and this consist of a complex list of behaviours? For details about the diagnostic criteria seehere

Interestingly, lots of people with ASD like tight hugs. A very well-known person with autism, Temple Grandin, even built herself a 'hug machine' (there was a film about her with Clare Danes in the lead role).

mimicmonster Tue 09-Oct-12 23:04:42

Thanks Inappropriatelyemployed, that's kind of you - but is that the right link?

I'm not 'worried', yet, just aware; I have a super close friend who's battling with her own anxieties about her six year old son who she thinks (and I would agree) has Aspergers. Through the process of her coming to terms with this, our conversations have been very open (and hopefully, from my side, supportive) but it has sort of drilled in a certain train of thought into my own life. If that makes sense!

inappropriatelyemployed Tue 09-Oct-12 23:24:20

Sorry! here it is

mimicmonster Wed 10-Oct-12 05:48:52

Thanks again Appropriately.

snoozelose Wed 10-Oct-12 14:04:25

Both my nephews are not at all cuddly; one is quite tactile, but not a hugger. They were both like this from an early age. They are 9 and 11 and neither of them has autism.

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