massive distress over shoes in the bin

[notactuallyme]

Poor ds. He trod in poo, so I did my usual chuck shoes away. As we are driving away, tears, distress, sobbing, memoriess attached to these shoes etc. Reliving the awful demise of Mr Stick. Promised to find a photo of shoes.
Don't flame me for chucking them - tell me you get this!

[LostInWales]

I have a broken pair of flip flops on my shoe shelves as DS1 hid them all the way from Spain through France by car because I tried to throw them away when they snapped. He even slept with them in his sleeping bag. He was totally freaked out at the idea.

[amistillsexy]

We get this . We have no end of 'important' things saved from years ago

But I can't afford to chuck shoes away! Picking poo out of deep treads is what Stickman was made for .

[notactuallyme]

Omg! I never thought Stickman could be useful! Sadly ds is very anti germs, so not sure that would work.
They were old trainers (cheap, asda) and I didn't know they were special.
I 'get' the 'Flipflops' and the other Important Stuff. Thank you.

[LostInWales]

And this is why I need MN. For all the people who say 'well he doesn't look like there's anything wrong with him' there are you lot who 'get it' when a 12 year old spends a 3 week holiday fretting about where to hide his broken flip flops like they were the crown jewels and I was the pink panther

[UnChartered]

i get it too

we have compromised and are allowed to keep the previous shoes/coat etc and no more

they aren't your favourite, DD, they were just your usual ones

it's very tiresome

[porridgelover]

I get it

I chucked shoes in bin last week after a dog-poo incident....he was warned to check them before coming into the house. And as the shoes were on their last legs, I was delighted to get rid of them.

Following morning, he came down to breakfast, defiantly saying 'look what shoes I am wearing'. They are back in his room.

I have 4 year old stones from the park that are 'special'. I have broken down pens that will never write again. I am an episode of Hoarders

[EllenJaneisstillnotmyname]

After getting rid of the poo, I would tend to 'save' them in the cupboard, where they'd stay for a few months, until the new ones became the usual ones, then sneakily throw them away. Usually works, except when he sometimes remembers some 'treasure' from years ago...

(This is for quirky DS3, BTW. DS2 with ASD, really isn't bothered. )

[cornsconkers]

we get this too. I also usually 'save' them in a cupboard until they are totally forgotten. I think in the OP's situation I would come up with an elaborate story of the shoes going on a round the world trip and give updates as to what or where they were every now and again.

[notactuallyme]

OMG porridge !!!
I just can't bear dog poo. Plus he is really germ phobic, so kind of difficult to keep them after they have been tainted (like coughing at the dinner table)
Could have tried a story, but was just sooo tired - they went in a bin somewhere else, then we got in the car, started driving - massive meltdown.
Finally calmed down last night, woke up this morning, shoes again.
Sigh.

[yawningmonster]

I get it. Ds (8yr) spent an entire day in despair with wild bouts of screaming tantrums. When I finally boiled it down he was worried because I had MOVED his shoes and he had been worried about them. I hadn't actually moved them, he had kicked them off in the middle of the lounge instead of putting on shelf as usual...he had never shown an indication that the shoes were special in any way either before or after the day of the shoe distress.

[Badvoc]

Yes.
Sigh.
Your poor ds :(
I - I know, I know - suggested to my 9 year old ds1 last week that he has outgrown his dressing gown.
Cue tears and pleas don't get rid of it mummy...have promised to put it in the loft so he can still see it when he wants to??!
Ds2 otoh couldn't give a toss about his dressing gown :)

[NoHaudinMaWheest]

Yes I get it. My whole house is full of stuff that mustn't be thrown away but is no earthly use to anyone. Ds has now developed the idea of 'deep storage' i.e. it doesn't have to be immediately accessible but must be in the house somewhere. However at 16 he is now less attached to old clothes etc and I can even get rid of some of them right away instead of several months later.

[notactuallyme]

No, none of the others are really attached to much; the odd cuddly toy maybe. ds otoh - special bits of string, sticks etc. Thanks guys.

[outnumberedbymen]

It's odd how good it feels to read about other children who are just like ds1. If any of ds1 and ds2s clothing are broken, I try to chuck them in the bin without them noticing. Otherwise I'd also have a major 'but I looove them. They are my special hopping/running/xyz shoes' fit.

A few months ago ds1 injured his knee and was wearing a bandage for a week. After that week dh took it off and carelessly threw it in the bin. You can't imagine (well you probably can) how much crying and distress this caused. We had to get it out of the bin in the end, drew a picture of ds1 and stuck a bit of the bandage on the knee in the picture... And then ds1 was ready to throw it in the bin himself.

But I still get the 'oh but he doesn't look like there's anything wrong with him' all the time with both ds1 and ds2. Sigh.

[porridgelover]

Yeeeess to bits of string, stones collected from random places we have visited, scraps of paper that are so important (usually on his bedside locker...I cannot chuck them).

Re the dog poo....I have had to inure myself to it. I dont mind (well I do but, you know..) when it's my own dog but if it had been another...well boak all over the house.
Old clothes I manage to get rid of by promising to pass to his younger cousin, of whom he is very fond. not all of them get there
I chucked Lego this weekend, and so far he has not missed a piece. It's hard to notice the odd hundred missing from the thousands!

[BallyGoBackwards]

We have this all the time too.

In fairness, I was like that when I was a child. For example when I sharpened pencils in school I had to put the shavings into my bag as I couldnt cope with leaving them in the bin.

Happy to say I have grown out of it!!!!!

[porridgelover]

oh zzzz I feel guilty now
But the blardy things reproduce in the night. And are all mixed up in boxes. And he uses them most often to stim! and and and.......................................



(must have tea now)

[notactuallyme]

You are all making me laff. And sigh. Paper - argh! Sticks - argh! and yes, we have now discovered lego. It is so weird what is of incredible sentimental value to him, compared to what isn't me his brothers and apparently the shoes going is worse than granny dying last year.

[porridgelover]

Ah yees the sentimentality of inanimate objects. And the inability to emote over people...although I suspect that he feels deeply about people and pets.....he gets very upset over random dead beetles etc.
I suspect that he feels love/loss so intensely (a bit like how he is oversensitive to movement, light, sounds) that he blocks it out so that it doesnt overwhelm him IYKWIM?

(still feel albit chastened by zzzz.......will have to lay low with the tea and hob-nobs for a while)

[CwtchesAndCuddles]

I often find ds in bed with a pair of shoes. I pulled back the duvet this morning to find his toy story sandals!!!

No way would I let him see me putting shoes in the bin, that would end badly!!!

He hates soft toys and throws them away quite happily. LOL

[Goldenjubilee10]

Yes, we have a pair of converse boots with holes through the soles of both feet that have to stay in the cupboard. He accepts that he is unlikely to wear them again and has exactly the same ones, purchased at great expense to wear now, but the old ones have to stay. I can't think why he needs the biggest bedroom!

[moosemama]

Another one here whose ds has an eclectic mix of objet d'art on his bedside cupboard. We have, special sweet wrappers, sticks, stones, pine cones, acorns, bits of string, lumps of blu-tac, price tags, gift tags ...... the list goes on.

He also mourns the loss of every single dead insect he ever sees and gets into scrapes at school defending insects from other pupils. (That one came back to bit him on the bum quite literally after he spent a fortnight defending a puddle full of strange wormy things, that turned out to be midge larvae. )

He doesn't have an attachment to shoes per se, but lord help me if I dare to chuck any of his old pj, tshirts or worse ... fleeces.

When it comes to toys and other belongings ... well, let's just say our 'loft' has elastic sides. We even have huge items of much loved furniture up there ..... apparently.

We had a major meltdown in the summer holidays because his baby food bowl, that he has always insisted on having his porridge in, split. No chance of getting another, seeing as it was actually bought for my niece to visit us when she was weaning - and she's nearly 23 now. We have reached a compromise in that, he will have his porridge in another bowl - if - we will keep the bowl for him to put his crisps and sweets in on treat days. He still insists his porridge doesn't taste the same though.