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Really Really need some advice dont know what to do.

(42 Posts)
onwardandupwards Sun 07-Oct-12 22:54:23

I have posted on here a few times about ds, perfect at school (or so school said) and nightmare at home. Today someone put a pile of letters and documents through my door that were over 2 years worth of school concerns about my son that said my ds needs help and has major anger problems so on so on. To my face the school have always said he is no problem and told CAMHS the same. What do i do with these letters? who do i show? i have known for years the school was lying now what do i do? Thank you to anyone who has advice.

zzzzz Sun 07-Oct-12 23:04:29

You need a lawyer.

coff33pot Sun 07-Oct-12 23:13:24

ok I agree it would be good to have a lawyer right now.

Ok so its a sunday and so someone has tried to do you an annonymous favour to help you?

Could try requesting school file which you are entitled to do and see what is in there. If you cant see these letters then tbh I would just add the lot them included and go see a solicitor along with their lying reports saying everything is ok. No one would be the wiser wether they were photocopied for you or given then smile

I would be crafty and email them saying that you still have concerns over your DS between home and at school and have they noticed anything untoward over the last 6 months or so?

Get a reply in email form from them still saying nothing is wrong wink

Add that you your list of ammo and take them to the cleaners.

coff33pot Sun 07-Oct-12 23:15:13

At the same time go to camhs and give them photocopies of what youve got and tell them to get a move on and help your DS.

Gemski123 Sun 07-Oct-12 23:28:08

As said above you are legally entitled to ask to see your child's school file. I would think arranging a meeting with the school Senco Gould be your first port of call and ask is your child on school action or school action plus. If so is a request for a statutory assessment now needed for your child so that they can get a statement of special educational needs. I have 3 children with special needs, one who is statemented and twins who are on school action plus. Hope this helps and remember to keep pushing!

onwardandupwards Sun 07-Oct-12 23:30:32

That is a great idea, i will pop in school office in the morning. Cant belive what the school have done.

justaboutiswarm Mon 08-Oct-12 00:41:37

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

needaschool Mon 08-Oct-12 06:39:16

On the plus side there's obviously someone inside the school who does care about your ds. If they had been caught doing that they would be in a lot of trouble so they obviously thought it was worth the risk to help you.

justaboutiswarm Mon 08-Oct-12 07:07:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ineedalife Mon 08-Oct-12 07:49:15

What a nightmare onwards, I know of a couple of TA's at Dd3's awful old school who would have done something like that.

They have risked their job to help your Ds and that is something positve.

Great advice from everyone, good lucksmile

eatyourveg Mon 08-Oct-12 08:01:09

this happened with ds3 - a concerned TA told me there was a problem (diagnosed with ASD a year later) but that she wasn't supposed to discuss it. She happened to be my friend, told me then changed jobs telling them how irresponsible they all were. We withdrew ds3 immediately. Now thriving some 12 years later

keep copies of anything and everything and make a note of who you speak to and a summary of what they say or even better some verbatim quotes.

Truly shocking that it went on for so long unaddressed.

StarlightMcKenzie Mon 08-Oct-12 09:25:20

Blimey, once again I thought I was just unlucky, but it appears that cloak and dagger operations are in existance all over.

OP, I also once got a mystery parcel. I know only that it was from one of the school governors shock

But yes, - write to the school asking if they have any concerns about your ds as you still do. Get the response in writing that they do not. Then ask for all data ever held on you and your child under a subject access request.

Then use all your new information to get what your child needs.

bochead Mon 08-Oct-12 11:56:53

It's truly shocking that people have to risk their jobs in order to try and protect vulnerable kids. WTF are you doing working in a school if you don't have children's welfare as your first priority? The mind boggles yet it seems so many don't. I still can't get my head round the fact that noone whistle blew what happened to my own 6 year old - how do they sleep @ night these people?

Today - A freedom of info request to school, NHS agencies, Lea etc (in order to help confuse exactly WHERE this info came from to protect the donor a bit). + contact a lawyer + IPSEA/SOSSEN/Special needs jungle.

A month from now - take action & good luck!!!!!

Walter4 Mon 08-Oct-12 14:37:24

How can people do this to parents and little children, I'm just sitting here shaking my head and quite honestly feeling sick!
What is the reason they withhold this information? My son is 4 diagnosed asd PDA , don't have statement and really just starting out on all this and it's very scarey. Is it financial reasons, why would they keep how bad the child's behaviour is a school for you? I might be ignorant , but I just can't see why anyone would do this? Could someone explain :/

fedupwithmorningbattles Mon 08-Oct-12 14:47:53

I would go with the financial reasons walter4 if they deny they don't have to pay!

bochead Mon 08-Oct-12 14:53:55

My ponderings - do feel free to disagree.

Can you get access to a developmental pead - tertiary centre (2nd opinion process via GP with NHS or even pay and go private!) to show these docs to?

Adhd diagnosis dependent on behavior present in ALL environments - now you have proof it IS present everywhere. I'm not sure re ASD or other diagnoses - for those parental/developmental history carries more weight.

Either way I'd take these to medical professionals outside the immediate circle of local professionals (TAC = team against child, CAF= conspiracy against family) & see if it changes their medical opinion of your child's behavior.

I think I'd spend money on an independent medic before a lawyer as once you have a clear diagnosis from a respected centre of excellence it becomes proportionally much harder for school/LA to be totally stupid and gives you options. A diagnosis letter + this info equals instant death for LA at Tribunal no matter what legal backing you have (my experience of Tribunal Panel was that common sense counted for a lot). I'd be asking for somewhere out of borough in part 4 of any statement.

I suppose my reasoning is that no matter what games, or the provocation, the school etc plays we as parents have to stay totally focussed on outcomes.

You know now beyond any doubt that these barstewards done you wrong big time, & I always think parents are best off keeping their powder dry until any ammunition you can be reviewed by someone independent, or corrupt profs ALWAYS seem to find a way to wriggle out of it no matter what they get up to.

StarlightMcKenzie Mon 08-Oct-12 14:57:18

It's not that any individual is evil by design, more that people just want to push any issues, difficulties and expenses into the next academic year/onto the next teacher/onto the next school/out of early years budget/into social care budget etc etc.

It isn't just about finances, it is about resources in general. A child with an SEN needs IEPs to be written and monitored etc etc.

People always think that the child will be okay because the next person will pick it up/one year won't matter/parents are pushy enough to look out for the child/child won't come to much anyway etc etc. Plenty of excuses.

Then on top of that you have myths perpetuated by the LA and by the teaching profession in general. Teachers are supposed to be educational experts. Parents are pitas.

God forbid a teacher admits they don't know how to teach/handle a child then that can trigger a very scary situation where a parent might know better than them, and they absolutely cannot allow this both for their own mental health and for their reputation with their colleages (I'm generalising of course, not all teachers are like this).

And teachers have good reasons to be defensive. They are always accused of causing all of society's ills and are constantly criticised. Many of them (and generalising again) have to switch off from listening to anyone and simply survive the school day interacting with as few a parents as possible jut to keep the mental health in tact.

Sarraburd Mon 08-Oct-12 15:44:09

Am in a similar position to Walter - just got ASD diagnosis, just starting out on this road - just begun phased induction to school nursery, yet to get statements underway. Find all this politicking/counter-productive behaviour by schools/other professionals who are in a position of trust and supposed to be helping your child profoundly depressing.

Thank god for Mumsnet so that I can prepare for the worst.

Good luck OP, thank god someone cares about your child.

onwardandupwards Mon 08-Oct-12 19:16:45

went to school and they said they have no concerns at all and his official file says the same. The school handed me his work books from last school year and i asked if i could take them home, they said they would rather keep them in school on display, so i took them any way. The books were quite good so i asked ds to look at them with me. 2 hrs ago ds looked at books and announced the work in them was not his, even though his name was on it. I peeled the work off scrapbooks and low and behold theres other childrens names on the back. I am so cross and upset.

ohmeohmy Mon 08-Oct-12 19:23:07

No useful advice but truly shocked by them lying to you like this. Hang on the the proof you now have and see a lawyer. They can't be trusted at all. Sorry you are having to deal with this.

needaschool Mon 08-Oct-12 19:24:31

angry that's outrageous! I would be absolutely fuming and go straight into school to see the HT and ask for an explanation for this.
I think it's disgusting that so many parents have to go through this.

AgnesDiPesto Mon 08-Oct-12 19:44:43

Photograph or scan the books and labels, stick them back on and hand them back

I think I would move. All the trust has gone now. I might find another school first before I did anything else so I knew my DS was safe and could not be caught in the crossfire.

I think you should report it to OFSTED. They don't usually look at individual complaints but I would guess your child is not the only one with unmet SEN and they may be prepared to do an on the spot visit.

used2bthin Mon 08-Oct-12 19:49:00

That is shocking-it amazes me how many people have to stay quiet and go along with it for this kind of thing to happen. Is there a school you have in mind for him instead? I ask because am about to (hopefully)start moving dd1 to ss and they are going to come in as outreach and observe her at her mainstream one to start with. And apparently they will be brutally honest about how things are going.

SheelaNeGig Mon 08-Oct-12 19:50:08

Bloody hell. I am gobsmacked. Am I completely naive to have never even considered such goings on?


Why would they do that? Why would they not want to get him helped?

<<suspect money has something to do with it>>

inappropriatelyemployed Mon 08-Oct-12 19:52:45

I am so sorry you have got evidence of malpractice. Most of us know this goes on but can't get hold of the 'smoking gun'. to prove it.

There are a few things you could do.

I think there is a new agency, the Teaching Agency, which regulates the teaching profession. You might be able to make a complaint against individuals like the head etc

You can also complain to the Governing Body of the school and the LA and I would, in the circumstances, also consider approaching Ofsted. They have a list of the reasons they can get involved in a complaint and they are much more limited than most people think but they can get involved when there are issues involving the care and safety of children and this might fall into that category depending on what your information says. It looks like they have clearly neglected your son's needs.

You should also look at moving schools and applying for an SA somewhere else!

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