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Help please, especially Star, AE, Agnes and anyone else who knows my story

(65 Posts)
claw4 Thu 04-Oct-12 16:08:46

Ds returned to school in September, after being signed off sick in June for anxiety and self harm. (i am in the process of appealing refusal to SA)

Since September ds is becoming increasingly distressed by school, i have been told to come and collect him twice from school. The latest being this afternoon, i got a phone call from school saying ds thought he had a 'splinter in his bottom' and was very upset, could i go and have a look. In the toilet in school ds refused to show me and was getting very distressed, crying, hanging onto my legs and begging me to take him home. The school office could see ds was very upset and told me to take him home.

Other than this ds comes out of school crying most days, saying he just doesnt understand what he is supposed to doing, he is not understanding instructions and not getting much work done.

When we arrive at school, he complains on pains in his legs and cant breath, i have to take him to the school office for his inhaler. He has 6 days off 'sick' with breathing difficulties. He is self harming again too, digs and scratches on his legs and chest.

I cannot approach school, as last time i did they reported me to child protection.

I cannot approach my gp, as the LA wrote to him stating that a team of experts had assessed ds and that he show no signs of anxiety or self harm in school. I have told my GP this a lie, ds hasnt been assessed and does show signs of anxiety, but he is saying his hands are tied.

Sorry that is long, but my question is social worker came to visit us last week, she stated it is clearly no a child protection issue and asked that i send her copies of all the recommendations that experts have provided and she is going to write a report in 2 weeks.

Do i approach SW? the situation is getting increasingly distressing for ds, statement is a long way off, what do i do in the meantime?

claw4 Fri 05-Oct-12 14:56:35

I will pm you shortly Star, just off on school run.

AgnesDiPesto Fri 05-Oct-12 14:47:40

Claw I honestly think by now I would have taken some of that £15k you are spending on lawyers gone to a spy shop and secretly bugged my DS.

StarlightMcKenzie Fri 05-Oct-12 14:36:09

Yeah course. But i need your surname in order for it not to say 'can you help some woman off the Internet please'.

claw4 Fri 05-Oct-12 14:34:18

Star, thanks that is very kind of you, i would be happy for you to draft an email, if you have the time that is.

claw4 Fri 05-Oct-12 14:23:44

They have an area of decking in the school, ds says he was sitting on the decking steps and he slide his bottom along and got the splinter.

This morning in the car on the way to school ds asked me how did i get the splinter out, i told him i pulled it out quickly while he was sleeping. He said 'oh Mrs X was trying to pull it slowly and it didnt work, so she put a plaster on it and phoned you'. he also added she is not allowed to look at boys bottoms. So i asked well how did she pull the splinter. He said she intially felt it through his trousers, he then pulled his trousers and pants down to one side so she could see and she then tried pulling it.

Now when Mrs X phoned me, she told me ds thinks he has a splinter in his bottom, we are not allowed to look, could you come into school and have a look. I asked how he had managed to get a splinter in his bottom and she said she didnt know, ds had just been sent to her.

When i arrived at school, before she went to get ds from class and told me she had given him a plaster and he had put it on himself in the toilet. She said he was upset and you know what kids are like, a plaster always seems to make it better kind of thing.

The plaster had been put on very accurately, in a way that the 2 inch splinter which was sticking directly out, when the plaster was removed, was flatten to the skin over to one side.

Now ds cant even wipe his own bottom, unless he has a full length mirror as he is unable to reach around accurately and wipe the right area without seeing it and he wouldnt have had the common sense to push the splinter to one side, he would have just tried sticking a plaster on top of the protruding splinter, plus he hates plasters, as he has a screaming fit when they have to removed.

Why would they lie about it?

Poor ds, didnt complain once about this all night last night, he had a couple of screaming fits at his brothers over petty things, but not once did he complain about his bottom sad

StarlightMcKenzie Fri 05-Oct-12 13:49:43

Tbh I am suspicious wrt children moving chairs away etc. This is indicative of bullying. Please let me email the EP.

AgnesDiPesto Fri 05-Oct-12 13:47:01

God Claw that is unbelievable

Do you know how he got it. Am worried now they are covering up bullying / accidents as well

starfishmummy Fri 05-Oct-12 13:18:04

I haven't added to this thread as the things you are experiencing are outside of my experience, so I could add nothing useful ; but re the splinter - that is appalling. What did they think hiding it under a plaster would do? Your poor DS.

claw4 Fri 05-Oct-12 10:00:11

mariamma and Star What im afraid of with my GP who clearly doesnt have much knowledge and barely speaks English, is that he will say its Eczema or such like, just because he doent know what it is or understand it. I suppose i could ask for a referal to a skin specialist, but upon reading the link, it states it is a misunderstood condition and rarely dxed, would a skin specialist be prepared to dx a rare condition? What i have found with 'experts' over the years is they like things they are familar with, if they are not they tend to label it with something they are familar with.

For example CAMHS say anxiety is responsible for ds's eating, when really he has a food phobia and probably an eating disorder.

Anyhow update DS DID HAVE A SPLINTER IN HIS BOTTOM im not sure whether to be a bit relieved or not. When i collected him school, he had a plaster on his bottom, i was told by school, they had given it to him 'just to pacify him' and he apparently had stuck the plaster on himself.

Ds cannot stand plasters, especially removing them, so last night when i went to bed and ds was sleeping, i removed the plaster, i was so shocked to find a massive thick splinter sticking out from his bottom, about 2 inches of it was protruding from his skin and had been taped down with the plaster. The splinter was about 5 inches long when removed and about as thick as two matchsticks stuck together.

Now ds tells me this morning that Mrs X (the first aid lady) had tried to remove it, but couldnt, so put a plaster on it and phoned me.

I dont know what to think anymore.

StarlightMcKenzie Fri 05-Oct-12 08:09:29

Oh Claw, what Maria said is promising. You can tell the GP that you aren't asking him to diagnose anxiety but to investigate the cause of the skin problem and to ascertain whether riptide requires a Dx.

mariamma Fri 05-Oct-12 03:07:55

If they don't like the word anxiety, you can always rephrase it in their terms

mariamma Fri 05-Oct-12 03:06:05

Oh yeah, and panic attacks and asthma worse when stressed are provable. Appetite, bowels etc, can log them.

Maybe the peak flow readings will be less dodgy on non-school days?

mariamma Fri 05-Oct-12 03:03:51

Hiya claw. Skin picking is a proper disease (they argue over whether its an addiction, a coping strategy or a spin-off of ocd, but thats small print!). Dermatotillomania or dermatitis artefacta are useful labels. Strong link with asd, also links with a few genetic things (eg prader Willie officially, fragile x perhaps)

Sometimes medications help reduce the picking a bit. Ive seen them used in an adult i worked with many yers back. Maybe concentrating on skin may put GP in a better position to support second opinion diagnosis and treatment.

They cant really tell him to butt out if there's a physical label?

claw4 Fri 05-Oct-12 00:17:26

I asked why she was duplicating the work of the previous SW's and apparently, they have had a shake up in their dept and she has taken over from the other SW and the other SW no longer works in that dept.

claw4 Fri 05-Oct-12 00:13:27

Agnes, i am convinced that SW's forgot who you are the minute they walk out the door.

2 SW's paid me a surprise visit a few weeks back, they were useless, they didnt understand a word i said and really didnt have a clue, they told me it wasnt a CP issue, but they would recommend a CAF. I said i would wait for their report and then decide on the CAF. They then said the purpose of the CAF was to decide if it was a CP issue! So i said ok, when i can expect your report, after the CAF!

Then another SW phones me from CP to make an appointment. The purpose of this appointment is to discuss exactly the same thing as previous SW's. This SW seems understanding and i was expecting her, so i had copies of everything to show her to back up exactly what i was saying. She too said it wasnt a CP issue and asked me to send her copies of all the recommendations made by experts and that she is supposed to prepare her core assessment report in 10 days, but i can expect a copy in 2 weeks. No mention of a CAF.

I am hoping she concludes not a CP issue, an education issue, which is why i was thinking of sending her a copy of my diary of anxious school related behaviours since September?

StarlightMcKenzie Fri 05-Oct-12 00:11:48

If you want me to email as your friend then you'll need to PM your surname

appropriatelyemployed Fri 05-Oct-12 00:03:55

The offer is there - don't be shy if you change your mind, PM me.

StarlightMcKenzie Fri 05-Oct-12 00:03:33

This must be torture claw. I cannot imagine.

I'm not sure I can do much to help except perhaps email the EP too and beg!?

claw4 Fri 05-Oct-12 00:00:36

Thanks AE that is really kind of you, but might add even more confusion to an already confusing situation!

It helps to post here, to help me stay focussed and that is often enough, just to spill it all out and think straight. I was panicking a bit, its difficult and i feel so helpless not being able to help ds immediately.

claw4 Thu 04-Oct-12 23:51:18

AE, yes that is my plan of action for tomorrow to phone EP, apparently he is very good and very much in demand, but i will give it a try.

appropriatelyemployed Thu 04-Oct-12 23:47:52

Claw, I am really sorry and I know what it's like to have the system against you and you have been treated appallingly.

Can I do something? Write for you to anyone? I have headed notepaper!

claw4 Thu 04-Oct-12 23:44:25

AE i lost at last Tribunal for refusing to issue a statement (NIL)

1. I didnt take any witnesses

2. School were supporting my request, so i didnt bother getting copy of school file etc, they changed their minds at the last minute.

3. School told a pack of lies about the help ds was getting and well about everything. I was expecting they would tell the truth!

4. After Tribunal i wrote to school asking for copies of everything they relied on at Tribunal and asking them to clarify that ds meet targets on the unevaulated IEP's they provided (targets repeated, success criteria lowered etc)

5. School failed to provide any of this and i requested copy of school file, it didnt exist. I found post it notes on my letters setting out the lies they would tell me and they had even written 'to cover' x, y z 'lets say' copies of unmet targets, no programmes etc, etc.

6. School became very hostile after this and when i applied for SA again, reported me to SS.

appropriatelyemployed Thu 04-Oct-12 23:39:26

Sorry Claw, it all sounds very desperate. Can you chase your EP and tell her/him you will take a cancellation?

AgnesDiPesto Thu 04-Oct-12 23:39:26

Claw, you are amazing. I don't know how you are getting through this. I feel so so angry for you and your boy.
AE this tribunal is just to get a SA - still a long way off getting a Statement with any actual provision. She can't risk another school not backing her.

Claw I agree ring the EP and tell them what you have told us. Ask if they can't bump someone else and bring the appointment forward.

AgnesDiPesto Thu 04-Oct-12 23:34:39

Claw I think you just need to know if this sw is on side. I wasn't thinking of you looking desperate more the report getting sidetracked.

We had a SALT telling us she was blown away by change in DS since he started ABA, she borrowed a video from us about ABA to watch and said she was going to recommend ABA in her report. Report arrived no mention of ABA. We faked 'surprise' and she admitted that her manager had made her remove all mention of ABA on basis that they could not prove it was the ABA responsible! Even those with good intentions seem to lack the balls to stand up to their managers and most of these reports do not see daylight until a manager has signed them off. We later found out via FOI the Manager was anti ABA and indeed she wrote a report accusing us of neglect for having DS tutored by strangers for 47 hours a week depriving him of parental love and attention which she felt was crucial to his language development and she tried at the last minute to get herself in as a witness at tribunal to tell the tribunal this.DS was actually doing 15 hours a week ABA and the only 'tutors' were us, his parents, as we had no money to hire anyone else! The SEN Officer had told her we were taking them to tribunal for 47 hours ABA (35 hours a week plus 12 hours nursery placement - in fact we asked for 35 hours including nursery placement) and SALT then wrote report saying we were leaving DS with tutors at age 2 for 47 hours a week)

SO just saying wait until the report is in. Hopefully it will be a good one, you really deserve some good luck. But I lost confidence in professionals writing what they really think in reports years ago.

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