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Hi, I just need a little hand holding through a crisis period with my DD

(24 Posts)
RabbitsMakeGOLDEggs Thu 04-Oct-12 13:58:49

The other day she ran off, and required police intervention to return safely.

Then the same day as a little girl was reported to have gotten out of the house, and shortly before the snatching of the other little girl in the press, my DD circumnavigated my safety measures and got out the house. She was returned by the police again.

Behaviourally she has deteriorated since starting reception, very defiant and knows that because I am disabled myself she can get away with certain things because I simply cannot stop her. Last night she had a waking episode of 11:30 to 5:30, and also fought going to sleep by ripping her room apart and screaming herself almost hoarse. She interrupted her brother's sleep by going into his room and putting on his light, and eventually had to have her room door shut and alarm on to prevent her coming out.

Getting her back and forth to school is potluck, sometimes I can just about manage her behaviour, then others she uses physical refusal to move or get up to get out of walking and to gain control.

Waiting for her to be assessed currently.

I'm just fraught with anxiety about a lot of things, currently fighting a DLA decision on my own case and having financial issues, as a single parent with no income other than benefits, the costs have mounted up and overwhelmed me. I may be facing homelessness, and certainly face a heck of a lot of debts to sort out and either repay or make go away through a DRO. My own health is poor and my daughter's behaviour is poorer. My son is also in the process of having a hearing aid sorted out due to a mild hearing loss.

My life is in crisis right now, and I need some support from people who might understand.

ArthurPewty Thu 04-Oct-12 14:02:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

UnChartered Thu 04-Oct-12 14:14:29

Rabbits have PMed you

RabbitsMakeGOLDEggs Thu 04-Oct-12 14:23:58

Thank you both. I am off on a school run now, then a social services meeting at home. So I will be back later on.

starfish71 Thu 04-Oct-12 14:30:53

Hope the meeting is positive, sending support to you. thanks

starfishmummy Thu 04-Oct-12 14:40:29

Rabbits, hope the meeting is succesful in getting the help YOU need (rather than what they think you do)

Have another hug

Rabbits sad that things are so hard for you, I'm also a disabled parent of a disabled child ( just one though ) and it's so hard. And I'm not technically on my own as I have a dh (although he has rather unhelpfully started to work shifts and is never around) I find I have to be super strict as if I give dd an inch she takes a mile (and it's usually a potentially dangerous one) Do you have any support?

coff33pot Thu 04-Oct-12 21:22:40

Door locks, window locks always keep your front door locked behind you and your doorkeys around your neck.

This tip was a godsend for me x

RabbitsMakeGOLDEggs Thu 04-Oct-12 21:39:03

I have seen social services today and been blatant about my needs. Had a friend to back me up and talk when I was upset.

I have alarms and chains on all outer doors now, windows are locked and keys are in my safeplace. Hopefully have a magnetic lock on that cupboard soon too, and the key around my neck.

Looks like I will be homeless shortly unfortunately, unless I can manage to sort a council home in the next few weeks, so there's going to be a heck of a lot of upheaval to deal with. I hope I can guide us through this... this year has been the toughest year I have ever had to deal with and I am getting really exhausted by it. But I am also finding friends in places I never expected, and being buoyed by the kindness of people who don't need to care, but do.

Veritate Thu 04-Oct-12 22:02:42

Rabbits, have you taken legal advice both about your housing and about your daughter? It sounds as if you would qualify for legal aid.

RabbitsMakeGOLDEggs Thu 04-Oct-12 22:22:51

Not so far. The best course of action to me is to be rehoused I think. I cannot afford the rent here, I applied for discretionary housing payment and was refused. My arrears would continue to build up even if I take action, so being asked to love as a shorthold tenant at the end of a tenancy is the best action I can take, as we are a vulnerable family due to both mine and my daughter's issues, and the council will have to rehouse me, even if to put into temporary accommodation.

I am speaking to both Shelter and Accommodation Concern tomorrow, plus the CAB, so I hope I am getting the correct advice, if not I will be aware that I might have some legal support also through Legal Aid. Thank you.

RabbitsMakeGOLDEggs Fri 05-Oct-12 08:15:27

We had a good night's sleep here, which is a rare occurrence so I am feeling more up to it all today.

RabbitsMakeGOLDEggs Mon 08-Oct-12 16:53:17

Did the application for DLA today. Is it correct that I can't claim the mobility component because my child is under five?

lisad123 Mon 08-Oct-12 17:06:27

you cant get HRM if your child is under 5, but if shes over 3 you may get LRM.

Where abouts our you? Is there homestart in your area?
hope house stuff gets sorted ASAP, i cant see how they can keep you in a temp place given all you have going on. IS yours a physically disability?

RabbitsMakeGOLDEggs Mon 08-Oct-12 18:05:47

I have inflammatory arthritis, one low function kidney, with recurrent stones and infections, plus bladder issues, mental health disorders (PD and recurrent depression) and tendinitis in my right ankle caused by my gait issues which is becoming permanently damaged in my right achilles and calf because I am not fit for the physio to improve it. I am absolutely exhausted with life right now, so many things going on in so many places.

Walter4 Mon 08-Oct-12 19:09:05

How are things today,been following you're thread. Did she go in any better today? Do feel for you , you have an awful lot on you're plate at the moment.

ouryve Mon 08-Oct-12 19:37:12

Other way round - you can only get HRM under 5. It's LRM that doesn't become an entitlement until 5. However, she will qualify for at least MRC - and if the waking is 5 nights a week or more, HRC, which is a big chunk of money each week to be missing out on.

ouryve Mon 08-Oct-12 19:38:39

And if she qualifies for HRC, then she could qualify for HRM, anyhow.

RabbitsMakeGOLDEggs Mon 08-Oct-12 21:04:16

Right now I will take anything they offer. It's not all that long until she is five when you look at the amount of time things take to sort out.

Saw my GP tonight and told him my situation. He's chasing up CAMHS for my daughter, making my Pain Clinic referral urgent and supporting me with a letter regards housing. So been very nice, even gave me lots more meds on repeat so I don't have to do constant appointments.

I plan on contacting Children's Services in the morning to see where we are with their assessment, and I see the Occupational Therapist next Tuesday to discuss both mine and my daughter's needs at home, even if they can't be done in this house, they will support any application I have for property already adapted on the council's books.

My DLA appeal gets going tomorrow, when I have an appointment for support. And then my mental health gets looked into Wednesday and bolstered hopefully during this period of crisis to help me cope.

Then Thursday I get a new mobility scooter, which hopefully works this time. The one I have is too slow, and runs down charge too quickly.

It's a busy week and I am in contact with lots and lots of people. Hopefully it will be productive.

RabbitsMakeGOLDEggs Mon 08-Oct-12 21:11:03

My own social worker has been in touch too, she's wanting updated and I assume will be out to offer her own support also.

I am finding an advocate service to help me generally and with sorting this mess out, and I am also passing the majority of my organisation of my own care over to the Centre for Independent Living, so I can concentrate on the rest of it and not overdo it.

Sounds hectic! But hopefully you are getting good advice and things will change for the better. I admire your strength in getting everything together. I panic at the thought of forms.

RabbitsMakeGOLDEggs Tue 09-Oct-12 08:13:00

Oh me too, I can't write for very long at all because the arthritis and carpal tunnel pain makes it sore. So I tend to make sure I have help to fill it all out because of that.

RabbitsMakeGOLDEggs Tue 09-Oct-12 17:09:41

Right, done my own appeal today, I can self represent apparently as I have already written a fairly good list of my issues. So I am now gathering together reports and supporting letters. The appeal request went off today in the post. Hoping to get their notes and reports shortly so I can see what I need to defend against, and I guess I shall look for some guides online, especially in regards to my particular illnesses.

My daughter's DLA claim will go off today and hopefully will hear back from that fairly quickly, does anyone have any idea how long it takes for the average DLA claim for a child?

Still waiting for my letter to come through from the landlord so I can declare myself homeless at the council, until then I can't really do anything about housing, although I still go ahead with my OT appointment regards equipment and adaptions, plus a supporting GP letter is on it's way soon. I can speak to my social worker, and my daughter's social worker for supporting letters. Can anyone think of anyone else who might be helpful with regards to housing?

Hoping to have a home before Christmas. The idea of all that packing and moving and decorating and sorting is tiring, I hope I can cope with it given my own health issues.

I applied for a small crisis loan today to feed us and get some gas to keep us warm, but should be able to apply for both a community care grant and then a crisis loan should there be any unexpected issues with moving between homes, and if there is any temporary/emergency housing. I have managed to sort out my income support, they stopped it at the end of August and I have only just managed to get it reinstated.

I am a bit worried about the children's Christmas, but I think I will be able to give them both to their fathers to celebrate over the day itself, so they'll have something to look forward to at least. This is the first time ever I don't have money like this, so I have no idea how I'll get them a single present, never mind a lovely Christmas. sad

I feel like I am fighting so many battles right now. Benefits, health, child's behaviour, a roof over our heads. It's very tiring.

mariamma Tue 09-Oct-12 19:46:04

family fund do equipment funding, so Christmas pressies might work out, if they did award a grant. maybe some sensory toys for dd and a good set of headphones for DS to listen to TV or music on loud. You could maybe also try this free tickets charity for a family day out

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