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ASD: what do you find really hard to deal with?

(39 Posts)
notactuallyme Tue 02-Oct-12 18:57:17

I can accomodate all the sensory stuff, all the awkward socialness etc. I find it really hard to keep my temper when he calls me a stupid woman, or calls dh a dickhead. I KNOW its because he can't articulate his feelings very well, but its really hard to remember that when faced with a superclever child shouting abuse in your face. If I walk away, has he won? He knows it's wrong (when calm) but still reverts to it when angry. And triggers (to avoid him getting angry) aren't always easy to find.
Every day I remind myself to be patient and calm, but some days I end up shouting.

ouryve Tue 02-Oct-12 19:08:34

Similar - when he says someone should be killed. He can be charming and lovely and witty, but as soon as he's pushed in a corner, he's so angry and hurtful. He says mean things to and about his little brother, too.

In DS2's case, though, it's stinky nappies like this one. My eyes are watering while the bath runs!!!

WarmAndFuzzy Tue 02-Oct-12 19:12:33

I find it pretty close to impossible - my youngest regularly tells me he hates me and it makes me feel like crap (and so tempting to shout straight back at him). I've got two on the spectrum, and DH basically stays at work until after they're in bed, so some days all I get is shouted at from the time I get back from work until bedtime.

Then there are the days when I just feel like I'm talking to myself because neither of them answer any of my questions, even with a look, so I'm trying to connect with them and failing miserably.

Then there are days when they're lovely, cuddly, happy, talk to me about everything they've done and are just a joy to be around - I just never know what's coming!

Ineedalife Tue 02-Oct-12 19:14:33

Oh, yes I find the lack of ability to take direction is very tiring[sp]

Dd3 is prone to elbowing, kicking or shouting at me when i am actually trying so hard to help her.

Dd1 was the same but I didnt have any strategies to draw on with her and I didnt have this forum eithersad

I dont tend to shout TBH, I have a yellow and red card system that I use with Dd3. It works really well to let her know that she is pushing my buttonssmile

Strongecoffeeismydrug Tue 02-Oct-12 19:50:08

It's the repetitive phrases DS says all the time that gets to me,I can't switch off to it cos I have to answer in the same way/use same words Everytime or we get the mother of all meltdowns that can go on for hours.
I do know he can't help it but gosh it's draining.

TirednessKills Tue 02-Oct-12 19:52:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

notactuallyme Tue 02-Oct-12 19:52:34

Thanks guys grin
need reminding i'm not alone sometimes. dh also works long hours; so i do get to the end of the day and am exhausted by the effort of asd parenting!
I would love not to shout - i know it doesn't work, sometimes i'm just out of ideas.
I keep talking about acceptable language etc but it doesn't sink in.
Talking to myself - yes! except i'm not, he just can't see the point in acknowledging what i've said - HE knows he's heard me.
I would love to just lose the insults and aggression.

notactuallyme Tue 02-Oct-12 19:53:44

Tiredness - we have that with being late in the morning. His hair must be styled exactly right, so no matter that little ds is crying as he's going to be late for school.

HotheadPaisan Tue 02-Oct-12 20:04:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HotheadPaisan Tue 02-Oct-12 20:05:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HecateHarshPants Tue 02-Oct-12 20:06:42

The noise. The constant vocalisations from the moment they open their eyes to the moment they finally close them. I tune it out a lot of the time, but when I can't, I feel like it's drowning me. sad

notactuallyme Tue 02-Oct-12 20:15:27

Weird how we all have different 'harder' bits. I wish there was a decent guide book! 'Let them do this; this is unacceptable; etc'
Just tried to explain to a rl friend with nt kids - didn't really succeed and prob alienated her completely!

HecateHarshPants Tue 02-Oct-12 20:21:20

yeah, it is. I coped fine with the thumps (they rarely get aggressive with me any more, but my god I've copped some over the years! Including getting my nose broken), it's the noise and the in-your-face stuff that makes me want to run away to a desert island.

Strongecoffeeismydrug Tue 02-Oct-12 20:29:28

I didn't find the aggrestion as hard as the blooming constant questioning so it's wired like ya say how we all have different breakers.
The isolation is the major for me aswell cos I'm really sociable but DS can't cope with it at all.. I need a friend or friends in real life to just be me with sad

notactuallyme Tue 02-Oct-12 20:41:03

hecate shock questions I can cope with - to a point!

TirednessKills Tue 02-Oct-12 21:15:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

notactuallyme Tue 02-Oct-12 21:37:22

Ha ha ha! I bet you can't wait for asd tv each night!

insanityscratching Tue 02-Oct-12 21:46:49

With ds it's the constant misery, he is rarely happy, fleeting glimpse when he got FIFA13 but that's about it. It sucks the life out of me and whatever I do I don't seem able to alter that.
With dd it's the fact that she wants my full attention whilst ever she is awake and if anyone speaks to me she talks over them to make sure my attention isn't diverted elsewhere.Drives me mad and makes me feel suffocated tbh.

flowwithit Tue 02-Oct-12 21:51:58

I feel very lost at the moment sad and I don't know where to go for help for my ds. He got dx last year and is in ms school. The most difficult thing is his anxiety and how he is finding it so hard to cope in the busy environment of secondary school.

neverputasockinatoaster Tue 02-Oct-12 22:09:37

The shrieking. I hate th shrieking. It makes me want to remove my own eyeballs with a spoon.

notactuallyme Tue 02-Oct-12 22:30:06

flow there is no support where we are either; groups with speakers and a helpline but I want training! Don't feel alone: someone here will always try to give you their experience.
Noise - see I can cope with that. Feral screaming when he has no small talk grates a bit. Misery would be hard. Sorry for you, insanity.

ouryve Tue 02-Oct-12 22:44:33

Oh, the shrieking definitely gets to me - specially when it makes DS1 start yelling DH start ranting at the pair of them!

autumnsmum Wed 03-Oct-12 11:24:47

With my ds who seven its his inability to be alone in a room and his anger .With dd three its the head banging and the constant fiddling with items

squidworth Wed 03-Oct-12 11:34:14

With ds1 it was the questions and the constant mumbling and ds2 it's the silence (non verbal) and for both the fear of adulthood.

HerOffTheInternet Wed 03-Oct-12 11:45:48

for me, it's the rigidity of the day to day stuff. i know DD can't 'help' it, and most of the time it's fine.

but i'm a naturally impulsive person, a bit of a rebel at times. i find routine monotonous and often slide into mild depressions because i can't be 'me' as often (and when) i like.

we're going to London next week, for the day. DD has been awarded tickets from Merlin to go on the London Eye...this should be a fun day out, but we're having to plan to the smallest detail for everything that could go wrong. it's always about 'how this could fail' - really hard to just 'go for it'

and the talking...yes, i know, be happy she's verbal, but it's incessant. and half of the time not relevant.

at 3am to be asked why the birds aren't singing might be cute, but when it's the hundredth question that day, and you're asleep yourself, the joke sorta wears off.

ASD is very different in all our DCs but the common factor is very much how tiring it is on parents, IMO

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