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Very quiet 8 year old DS(11 Posts)
Firstly sorry if i've posted in the wrong section folks,really wasn't sure where this post belongs.
Just wondering if any of you have had or are having the same problem.
My DS is 8 years old. And yesterday his teacher wanted to speak to me about how quiet he is.She said he won't talk & sits there most of the time with a blank,emotionless look on his face which she finds uncomfortable.She said she doesn't know what to do with him,and could i take him to see his GP.
She said it frustrates her as he won't answer when spoken to,and doesn't seem a very happy little boy.But when she sees him out in the playground hes chatting away to his mates and mucking around like normal.
He's always been painfully shy,very bad with eye contact when speaking to people,& in general doesn't enjoy socializing.However that seems to be slowly improving with age. You can see in many situations hes very anxious,and sometimes a bit panicky.He starts chewing his lip,and' looking away from whoever is talking to him,and they end up with no answer.This has been a problem throughout his school years,after a few weeks in the teacher takes me aside to tell me he won't communicate with them,seems to be fine with the children though.
As soon as we get out of the school gates hes chatting away to me about his day,and off he goes,you can't stop him talking!
The behaviour which does worry me though, is if we have people round he will more than likely go to his room until they have gone,sometimes might venture out if he feels brave enough.If a pupil from school waves or shouts hi in the street or out if we see them in town,he will blank them as though he hasnt heard them.Although again this is slowly getting better,he waved to a boy this morning and shouted hi back to another the other day,we we seem to be improving there.Also he's very particular in the way that everything has its place.I tried to help tidy his room last week and i stood on a piece of lego,so i picked it up and put it back in the box,and next thing you know hes finding the very same piece to put back where it was! Its like this with anything in our home.I was having a move about once in our lounge,and sure enough i caught him moving things back to where they were and getting very distressed if i wouldn't let them stay there.To me this is not normal and shouldn't be worrying him at all.
We have also had a chat about manners,and that we should'nt be rude to other people,always polite etc..And always been brought up like that as have i as a child.
We are off to the GP next week to have a chat,i know hes not going to like that,but i want to try nip all this in the bud now,so he doesn't struggle anymore or when he's older.
Anybody have any advice or experience on this,would be so grateful.
Sorry its long & thanks for reading.x
I think you have posted in just the right place.
I'm not sure how much reading you have done but it might be helpful to read about a range of conditions to see if anything rings any bells and also if anything just plane doesn't fit. Obviously I havent met your boy so just going on your post I would have aloof at selective mutism, anxiety disorders, OCD, aspergers, And ASD. None of which are necessarily your boy at all, but it is useful to know what is what and also to be frank what intervention/treatment helps as sometimes you can just pick the bits that might hel and try them yourself.
My dd(5) is very much as you describe about talking in the playground and not in class or out and about. Sometimes she is more so and sometimes surprises us by beng fine. She takes medication for epilepsy that makes her very anxious and is selectively mute. The not wanting things to move does sound like rigid ASD behaviour but I would tend to think this was anxiety based too. Certainly he should see a Dr or CAMHs (who deal with anxiety related mutism) to see if they can help, especially if this has been going on for more than a term.
The teachers frustration at your sons problems are neither yours nor his problem, and frankly she shouldn't be voicing them to you. However it does give you a good insight into how she is perceiving him, so perhaps you need to start highlighting how difficult it is for him. She needs to put in place strategies to help him access his education despite his issues not just tell you how difficult it is for her to deal with him.
My dd is very verbal at home but constantly tells me how boring she finds school. I think this is because she doesn't talk in class which takes a lot of the joy out for her.
Merlin can you tell us a bit about what you can do? Dd is 5 and it is killing me watching her shut down at school every drop off. She is so chatty at home . She needs to be on her meds for at least another year, maybe forever, so we have to deal with her on meds.
Her school are not very proactive. They like assessments and reports but are not so keen on carrying through recommendations.
I want practical ways I can help.
There is a poetry recital tomorrow and dd wants to do it but knows she won't be able to speak. I suggested to the teacher that she video it and bring it in so she could at least show the teacher (not as part of the competition) you'd have thought I'd suggested she wore her swimming suit to school or something!
Hi again and thank you so much to all that have replied,really appreciate you taking the time to read my post and putting your advice & thoughts to me.
I know its hard,but its nice to know there are other parents out there who understand.
I agree with tirednesskills,i don't think it would be fair to take him with me to the appointment,he must wonder whats going on as he did hear me talking to my mum about it a little.I thought he was busy in his room playing!
I went down to school for lunch today and he seemed happy playing with his mates,but was rather quiet when all the other kids were chatting to me though,more so when the bigger characters were being loud!
Merlin,did you find people used to find her very stubborn? I do find he can be at home at times,but they said in school hes really stubborn,doesn't want to do the work and really quite rude.Really saddens me that people around him at school don't seem be giving him any credit,just negativity all the time.By the sounds of it yesterday his past and present teachers have all been discussing him,saying how hes always been the same,blank and emotionless.He's not like that at home,he's always getting upto something and talking away.Its really hard people are thinking of your child this way x
Hi all.Had parents evening and the teacher said hes still quiet but speaking a bit more.She even started telling me about her painfully shy son when he was younger and certain situations that he found hard. So she should be more understanding!
He has an appointment next week to see GP,i'm dreading it to be honest as i'm not sure what to expect.Teacher is giving me a list of her concerns to take with me.I think the teacher feels she is doing something wrong & really doesnt know how to cope with his lack of communication in class.I can tell you he hasn't stopped talking and mucking around since hes been home today.I know he's shy,i just don't understand how he can be SUCH a different child in school and in most other social situations.But guess thats why we off to the GP!
Thanks for your replies x
There is this worth a look at www.nhs.uk/conditions/selective-mutism/Pages/Introduction.aspx you might need to ask your GP to look at it as well as they don't all know a lot of info about this. The GP may want to refer you to a paediatrician to see if there is anything else that might be being missed. In some areas you can self refer to speech and language therapists. The website www.smira.org.uk has some useful info on it.
Thank you for the link wasuup3000 it was very helpful & in parts does sound very much like my son.We have an appointment with our GP this week,will keep you all posted.
Hi again everyone.Ok so been to the doctors with DS this evening.He came but i wrote down a few things & handed it to receptionist to take in before we were seen.Also took along his last assessment he had at school,7 pages on select mute and a copy of his IEP which was the first time i'd ever seen this or been told about it!
So he spoke to DS a bit about school and if he likes it etc..My DS answered all his questions really well actually,didn't expect that! He said he was going to give 'Halo' a call and then ring me after he had spoken to them.He said he wasn't sure if that was still the name but he will find out and they will be able to help with confidence building etc..I have typed it into google but just some Amercian site comes up.Can anyone shed any light on who they are for me? Should of asked i know,but was sure i could find out more about them at home. Thank you.
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