..ds had an appointment with the physio and ot today, it was awful. They have said before about how difficult it is to assess ds, as he has bad separation anxiety, is very clingy to me and is very wary of other people, and certain situations.
So today, he isn't doing too badly, playing next to me, whilst I am talking. Then the ot asked me to move away from him to the other side of the room, which I did. Ds fell to the floor crying, and the ot, said right now how would you normally react in this situation. I was kind of thrown, and they said i should just sit and say - 'ds, if you stop crying i will pick you up' and ask him to come to me.
After 10 minutes (I checked the clock) ds - still screaming,started to wriggle across the floor to me, he can't get up off the floor on his own because of his low tone, and by this time he was absolutely hysterical and just collapsed again, I picked him up and there was snot and drool everywhere, he was sweating and cold, and then he screamed for the rest of the session.
I don't know whether I feel more awful for not picking him up straight away when he was in such a state, or whether I feel so bad because I am obviously causing ds's seperation anxiety, by being too soft The only way we get him to sleep is by having him sleep with us, this must make it worse. I have sat the girls down with some sweets and ds is curled up on the sofa, and I am trying to hold it together because I just feel like crying my eyes out.
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SN children
come and kick me up the arse, feel like a shit mum after an awful physio appointment..
hazeyjane · 20/08/2012 15:41
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Doesn't look like anyone is going to kick you up the arse, Hazey. You should have tried AIBU! 
Thankyou all for your replies. Ds is 26 months, he has gdd, has severe speech delay (completely non verbal), gross hypotonia and recurrent chest problems. His geneticist thinks he has a genetic condition, and at the moment we are waiting to hear back from Holland where he is being tested for Kleefstra syndrome.
I was in such a stupid state afterwards that I couldn't talk to dh about it, because I knew I would burst into tears in front of the girls.
We had a chat about it, and he was annoyed with himself for not being there (he normally comes to appointments, but looked after the girls instead). Apart from agreeing that this is not the way to encourage independence from a boy who suffers high levels of anxiety, his other point is that we are not even sure what we are supposed to be getting from the occupational therapist. I spoke to her when ds was 10 months about a specialist bath seat, she told me she would contact disabled services, he is 2 now and today she asked me about bathing, and I told her that he has never felt happy in the bath, and so now tends to stand holding onto the side, whilst I sponge him down, or he stands holding his sisters hand under the shower. She said that there was no point in pursuing disabled services, as he no longer has a need for a seat (he started sitting when he was 12 months, and was fairly stable by 15months, but i think by that time had developed a bit of an aversion). After some asking around, i know that disabled services will come and do a home check to see if there are any things that will help ds, so i asked if she could arrange one. That is it, her only other input has been to discuss ds's speration anxiety and clinginess (something that we are working on at his sn nursery and with his portage worker).
Ds's physio has been great on the whole, she tries to do home visits, and has arranged for a session, where dh and I will play with ds with her watching through a two way mirror, and for the session to be videoed. I got the impression she felt uncomfortable today, and she could see i was upset by the whole thing.
It is stupid, because I don't 'do' controlled crying, and neither does dh in fact I know that if dh had been in there, he would have just scooped ds up and said, 'what the hell are we trying to achieve here'. A few times when dd1 was little and her sleep was appalling, we tried controlled crying - we lasted about 20 minutes, of going in and out, with our little bloody timer, before realising that a) we didn't have it in us to leave her to cry, and b) all that was happening was that she was getting more and more hysterical.
I am so annoyed with myself, for being cowed by the OT,and for not following what is for me the most basic instinct, which is to protect him. I fell apart when it was apparent that ds had 'issues', I felt as though someone had taken off my protective shell, but over the last 20 months, I have felt myself toughen up, and have realised that we have to fight for our dcs, and be their advocates, and fight our way through an unwieldy system to try and get the best for them, and my shell has gradually come back. But something about this woman, and the fact that they just sprang this on me without discussing it first, was like someone kicking me behind my knees and watching me fall over.
I am going to write some stuff down, and call or email the physio, and basically say that I don't agree with the approach this woman is taking, ask what her role in ds's team of support is supposed to be, and whether this can be provided in a different way.
Thankyou all for listen to me ramble on, and for not telling me I am a shit mum. I would be lost without this place
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