Bolt from the blue this morning.
I email our nephew's wife in the US, they've just had a baby and she sends me pictures etc.
We were chatting about my children and I made a crack about my eldest's latest obsession and the joy of autism (this is not a thread about me making jokes, it's how we cope and it works for us to find a way to laugh)
She didn't know.
Neither did my nephew.
I told my husband that I didn't know they didn't know, and they must think I am a real weirdo randomly cracking jokes about autism. And I was replying just to fill them in and let them know that I'm not some horrible person who mocks those with disabilities!
He stopped me.
He said don't give them too much information. I am to pretend that it is very mild and barely affects them at all and if you met them you would think they had no difficulties at all. I am not to describe any way in which they are affected because it is their information, not mine and I shouldn't disclose information about their lives. And any disclosing of their information is me being like my mum and dad - using their children's personal struggles to get attention for themselves!
Our children didn't talk until they were 6 and 7, didn't come out of nappies until they were 5 & 6, our youngest was largely echolalic until a few years ago, he's possibly going to be medicated for ADHD, 5 minutes in a room with him and you know!
I wasn't proposing giving them a minute by minute account, but to be accurate. He made me delete it and I am to give the impression that they are barely affected at all.
I feel really uncomfortable about this. It feels like he is ashamed of the children and also - eventually we are going to meet all his family! He's on about us all going to Kenya next year. How the holy hell is he going to hide it then when there they are in all their stimming and ignoring you glory?
His mum has come over twice, but she didn't speak any english (she's since learned a bit) a few siblings have come over but mostly when the children were much younger. I think the brother that he has over here knows. But my husband talks only of 'communication delay/difficulties'.
Telling our family the actual extent of our children's autism isn't about getting bloody attention! There's no desire for oh poor you what a hard life you have we don't have a hard life! But to try to disguise/deny their autism is like denying a part of them. If that makes any sense. It makes me feel like he's ashamed. And I am angry that anyone could feel anything other than proud as hell of my wonderful children.
Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.
SN children
I think my husband is ashamed of our children.
HecateAdonaea · 26/06/2012 07:07
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