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help needed please moving schools re what we found out today! upset

(14 Posts)
trace2 Tue 25-Oct-11 18:43:09

bit of background ds 9 as aspergers dx two years ago dd 4 as lots of medical issues since birth seizures, abnormal movements , gastric feeding tube due to fail to thrive and severe reflux and undergoing a funuplication operation to stop it acid coming up, yes she still in nappies don't eat very much by mouth , still as episodes where she stops breathing and as drop attacks. she does walk in her own way very happy child mixers with every one at all ages, since birth been under lots of peads due to all her problems and never really found out why she is like this and we have ss for respite since she was 8 months old, anyway today our ss came to our house to sort out some things and she told us her new school as phoned them and reported us for giving chloe wrong bread( long story) and then went on to say don't you think the parents might have Münchausen syndrome [shocked] and its funny how there son just got dx with AS again [shocked] and our ss was to very shocked and turned round and told the teacher i have worked with this family since dd was 8 m old and have seen what they go through, now we are very upset over this and can not do anything till they back at school next week, but me and dh have said how can we keep her her there now i have lost all trust in them, we didnt send her to same school as ds due to how rubbish they been about his AS and sent dd to same school our child minder picks her children up from so this would help us out when i pick up ds from is school at same time .

anyway the thing is how do i go about this do i make app to see the head show her proof of her illness tell her why we moving her? or do i phone rounds school she if they have placers and even try ds school, trouble is she as a full statement and where she goes the community nurses have to go in and train 3 staff to feed her. i feel so mixed up tbh it as really sending me over the edge, if we don't have enough on our plate! dh as taken it really badly he totally trusted them wont or should i say cart talk about it. where do who do i turn to please advice me

trace2 Tue 25-Oct-11 18:53:04

sorry its Münchausen syndrome by proxy not Münchausen syndrome

vjg13 Tue 25-Oct-11 18:54:58

Did you manage to find out who it was from the school that phoned social services and why they made that call? Was it a teacher or a TA? It sounds like one individual behaving in a very unprofessional way and you may be able to resolve this with the school instead of moving your child.

It would probably be useful to look at some other schools in the meantime. You need to make an appointment, speak to the HT, have a look round and see if they can meet your child's needs.

trace2 Tue 25-Oct-11 19:01:16

no idea all was told is some one at the school and dont know why i think its over eating issues but tbh she as gone one step to far i am taking her out just dont know where to start but i will be making app with the head over this, they said they not seen any illness but she been sent home for being clingy and not mixing even when dd cried when we picked her saying am not ill mummy why do i have to go home !

madwomanintheattic Tue 25-Oct-11 19:06:21

i would tread really carefully. ss shouldn't have told you who/ where an accusation or complaint had been made, and the sw might have somehow confused you. is it possible that the bread thing (whatever it was) has been blown out of proportion? are you sure the school weren't using child protection procedures to check that everything was ok at thome and you were all coping ok (with apparently new dx of ds as well) rather than an accusation as such?

i wouldn't be planning on withdrawing immediately - keep at home for a couple of days if you are concerned, whilst you try and clarify what has actually happened. i would call and make an appointment to discuss the school's concerns (if it indeed was the school) and ask your sw to go with you to the meeting, or for an independent mentor/ advocate to be present. it sounds plausible that they think they are working in your daughter's best interests, so you need to find out what is going on, really.

madwomanintheattic Tue 25-Oct-11 19:06:41

do you have your own sw, or just dd's?

LIZS Tue 25-Oct-11 19:09:16

Sorry found yopur op hard to follow so may have misunderstood something. Try not to react immediately. I'm not sure why the sw would have been so blunt with you, it seems very unprofessional. If they feel there is an issue they should investigate but not report verbatim. I wonder if anyone fromhte school called out of the blue or if they had arranged to discuss provision for your dd as a matter of routine. The HT may well be there at some point this week and I think you need to meet him/her before reacting. If the local schools are off this week you won't get much joy calling around anyway.

lisad123 Tue 25-Oct-11 19:13:30

theydifficutly is, this is 3rd hand information. SW have been known to blow things out of propertion. As for school, I would want to know who said it and ask why they didnt approach you about it.
madwomaninthe attic, SW is allowed to share who referred and what was said, its good pratice unless it puts child at risk.

trace2 Tue 25-Oct-11 19:14:09

yes its been thrown out of proportion , and yes i know why because dd as milk allergy and swallowing issues and she came out of school with things she shouldn't have to eat and i sent it back in saying please don't give her buns and malted milk biscuits and i have sent her with a packed lunch because i was paying for dinners and still taking in fish fingers, butter her cheese and her sausages for her to have just jacket potato every day.

trace2 Tue 25-Oct-11 19:15:14

the sw is for respite for both children

trace2 Tue 25-Oct-11 19:21:31

when the sw told me i asked questions but yes am stunned and still very upset. so glad the sw as been with us so long because what could have happened if not?

madwomanintheattic Tue 25-Oct-11 19:25:36

lisa, really? surely from a child protection pov that means people are less likely to report? weird. i'm sure on our safeguarding stuff it was all suposed be anonymous - might have to check our stuff!

lisad123 Tue 25-Oct-11 21:36:06

nope it all about openess, which is why the proffessional is always advised to discuss referrals with parents before making the call. If it was a neighbour or family memember they dont disclose, but if its another proffessional, they can tell you who and what was said.

madwomanintheattic Tue 25-Oct-11 22:02:55

oh, that might be where ours differs, through volunteering, rather than paid professional per se.

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