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Omg!!!!! the Pead has refered me to social services

(11 Posts)
XxAlisonxX Thu 20-Oct-11 18:20:13

im in total panic seen the pead today she made some comment about me being negative to ds ( im still shook up over him attacking me last weekend) and said she was refering us to social services......... iv never delt with them before but only know of horror stories from others in my area that have had nothing but bad expericences from them. any tips anyone please

coff33pot Thu 20-Oct-11 18:34:35

I am sorry Alison but I dont have much respect for Social Services so probably not the best person to advise. But things might have changed now.

I would make a little diary from the event last weekend when he attacked you and how the situation was handled by yourself. Then try to remember any events you had to handle for this week, then keep it up to date till they arrive.

You could then hand this to the SS when they visit saying that as things have got to an extreme nature with DS that you felt it neccessary to form a diary so that you may trace a pattern as to what is triggering DS moods in order to help him by perhaps avoiding these triggers or calling in help or advice if necessary. That would at least show how concerned you are about your son and that you are not negative but very proactive in trying to help him.

Dont know if that would help but I cant think of anything else off the top of my head at the moment other than when they visit just be yourself and stay calm and politely take it all on board. Use the meeting to your advantage in getting help for your son.

Good luck and hugs (ps...I dont think you are negative at all!!!)

signandsmile Thu 20-Oct-11 18:40:52

Just remember any child protection discussions/investigations will be focused on "is this a child at risk of significant harm?" (that's what the legislation says)

It is probably more likely that the paed was thinking could Soc services offer some support, (different bit of legislation, the important bit there is "is this 'a child in need?', and all children with disabilities are classed as children in need under the law) Have to say there is usually naff all funding for children in need
so it is possible you may jump through hoops of assessment and still get nowt,

maybe useful to check with him/her, what the contact with SSD was to be about.. but basically don't panic, smile

2old2beamum Thu 20-Oct-11 18:46:23

Like coff33pot I have no respect for S.Workers and what she is saying is good advice. Also as hard as it is do not lose your rag-----easier said than done. And remember you are a good mum and you may be able to turn the visit to you and your sons advantage. Wish I could help more. Good luck

bochead Thu 20-Oct-11 18:50:13

You now have 3 goals:-

1/ To be removed from any child protection nonsense, (section 47 - NEVER agree to voluntary care under this one. If they mention it get legal advice asap!)
2/ To be formally ideentified as having a child in need (eg a child with a disbility who needs support) and therefore help from the disabilities team.
3/ To get any help SS MAY be able to offer genuinely and for them to p££ss off sharpish if they can't give any REAL USEFUL assistance.

Ask the social worker when she comes round for a carers assessment and a child in need assessment. Invite to EVERY school meeting etc for "support". Find some services in your area that you feel would benefit your child e.g horse riding, medical therapies, respite, childcare, help getting a referral to an alternative pead? Make it a wishlist par excellence. Aim to send her away from her her first visit with a written "to do list" of stuff for you. Make an OFFICIAL request to be referred to the disability team.
Be polite at all times - VERY polite - I can't stress this bit enough!

Keep a written record of the meeting, send emails summarising any phone conversations.

She'll go back - ask her boss to pay for some of the stuff on the wish list, write a report critcising you for some inane aspect of your parenting (I left cupcakes on the side to cool uncovered) so that it looks like she's "done her job". Second visit she'll probably tell you that you can't have anything from your wish list (however you may just get a pleasant suprise) due to "funding cuts".

Social services will send you an official notification that there are "no safeguarding issues at this time" and you'll never hear from them again.

It may be that the pead has referred you to the disabilities team for social services - check as if she has this could be the start of you actually getting some help so don't panic. This could be a good thing! Ring her secretary and ask - is the referral child protection (sometimes called safeguarding) or to the disabilities team before you get upset.

If it's child protection however follow my advice above, and have the details of a decent lawyer ready. It's a common way of bullying sen parents - my crime was applying to tribunal. If they really think a kid is at real immediate risk the police have the power to kick in the door and take em so from that simple fact you know you have nought to fret about. It's just part of the "process". Still hurts though I know.

When it's all calmed down change peads ; )

XxAlisonxX Thu 20-Oct-11 19:41:13

i know that she stated it was for aditional support at home for us due to his behaviour issues and that iv got a dd 10 statmented with severe SLI and moving from ms to sn. and two 6yr olds. i already have it in wrighting from a previous ss referal, that there is no safeguarding issues. bochead thanks for the list idea i could have some fun doing that considering i could attempt to get dd something out ov that aswell. im trying not to stress to much and tell myself that this is for help that we soooo despratly need. but i also know how horrible they can make people feel..... hmmmm chams is good at that aswell.!!! lol.

justaboutstillhere Thu 20-Oct-11 19:42:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

XxAlisonxX Thu 20-Oct-11 19:46:20

bochead can i please ask ( not meaning to sound dumb) on how i list them, do i just put things that they like/ good at/ help with social/ learning/ confidence or do i put the actual name of the place and price.

bochead Thu 20-Oct-11 20:10:53

Hot cupcakes uncovered is poor hygiene in the eyes of social services. Shame really as I was intending to offer her one with a cuppa as part of my politeness drive once they'd cooled down ; )

The crap my borough come up with at times would be amusing if my kids future wasn't on the line.

Alison - it really doesn't matter how you list them. Do include what the benefit to the child would be, for each item, however you arrange the list. I think clearly stating that is more important than the cost (SS get block booking discounts anyway and it can be stressful for you- the whole idea is to reduce your stress!) Give the SS a written copy and keep one for yourself.

To be fair it sounds as if with the peads backing you could be well on your way to being one of the rare familes social services DO help. That can only be a good thing.

lisad123 Thu 20-Oct-11 21:41:54

they arent all bad, and dont just come round to put children on the CP reg. They can be a helpful service especially if you get one who gets it! Ask for respite but be prepared that unless you are about to come unhinged there is often no funding for this sad
dont refuse to see them, and use them as a supportive service, that is their job.

StarlightMcKenzie Fri 21-Oct-11 09:58:18

If it was me (and this is based on very particular circumstances) I would speak to the paed and tell them that I appreciated their support but having had experience with SS, I would expect my stress to be increased as a result of their involvement, not decreased and I am therefore requesting that she changes her mind/undoes the request, - but then my paed probably would do as I asked. She's a bit of a chocolate teapot but where she has power to help she usually does.

If the referral couldn't be retracted I would do as bochaed suggests. There is nothing like a list of requests to frighten the SW into finding that you need no help, and you 'may' (ha ha unlikely) get something, particularly since the referral has come from a paed.

Again as Bochead says, be prepared for some daft 'issues' to be raised that the SW can report she has 'sorted out - phew - thank god she was called - tick!'. In my case it was using the electric oven to warm up the kitchen quickly being a fire risk apparently, my DH not taking enough leave to support me, and there being too much unopened post in my porch.

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