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Great! Now I suspect bullying.......

(15 Posts)
makemineaquadruple Tue 18-Oct-11 14:30:20

It just keeps going on and on!

As i've posted in other threads, dd has been very difficult to cope with recently. She's not wanting to go to school recently and that really is a new thing, because she's always loved going before. She can have good communication skills and will verbilise quite well how she's feeling. However, when she's feeling, ill or stressed, her speech is really affected and she will often talk nonsense and struggle to get out a basic sentence.

Recently she's been coming home saying that nobody wants to play with her, which to be fair i've taken with a pinch of salt. Sounds harsh, but this is because i've mentioned this to the schoola while ago and they say it's not true and i've seen her play with other children quite well and sometimes appears to be even quite popular. Dd can be a little fibber and a little dramatic too. The last week or so though something's definitely different. She has said that other children are laughing at her and pushing her over. One girl gets mentioned a lot and I do have my concerns that she teases dd. For example i've seen her one minute run over and hug dd and then the next dd will shout her and be really pleased to see her and this girl will just give her a horrible look and say "i'm not playing with you" and then smirk. think she sees her as a bit of a play thing. I mentioned some of my concerns this morning when I dropped her off and I was quite surprised by the reaction. The teacher looked slightly confused, but not surprised and then said" ok well we'll try and make sure she's not left out anymore" I thought, well surely that is a basic part of your job at this stage. I just assumed that they would encourage other children to play with her if they saw her on her own. I don't think I should have had to point that out.

It's made me really worry about what else is going on. Not sure what my next move should be really. I don't get much sense from dd at the moment so can't really probe anymore. she usually doesn't want to talk about school when she first comes home. She usually only tells me about it about 2 hours after i've put her to bed.

Any ideas?

Thanks for reading.

makemineaquadruple Tue 18-Oct-11 14:35:29

I don't think I made my point that clear actually. When I read back what the teacher said it really doesn't sound that bad. My issue was with the fact she said "anymore" like they were aware she was becoming a bit of a loner and not mixing well, but did nothing about it. I guess you had to be there aswell really. It's not always what someone says, but more the way they say it and this was a classic case I think.

Just want to clear that up.

MangoMonster Tue 18-Oct-11 14:37:52

Surprising comment from the teacher confused or is that not something they intervene in?

MangoMonster Tue 18-Oct-11 14:40:21


makemineaquadruple Tue 18-Oct-11 14:59:06

Well my thoughts exactly. They have a lot of teachers in her class, so there's really no reason why this should have been overlooked. When I was a teenager I worked in a nursery and making sure that children weren't being left out was just part of the job. Nobody has to tell you this though. It's just human nature isn't it?.....

mango, not sure what x-post meant, sorry. I'm probably being really ditsy.

MangoMonster Tue 18-Oct-11 15:03:00

We were posting at same time so (cross post), so mine might have sounded a bit irrelevant.

The comment is very annoying, I wouldnt know how to follow it up though, I'm sure someone else will...

EllenJaneisnotmyname Tue 18-Oct-11 15:15:31

How old is your DD? In primary school, the teachers don't get very involved at playtime or breaktime. The TAs or lunchtime supervisors have much more influence. The teacher can have a word with the class about bullying, what it means eg excluding people is bullying, and encourage kinder interactions, but the 'hands on' staff need to know what's going on so they can keep an eye on it.

makemineaquadruple Tue 18-Oct-11 15:59:03

Ellen, it was actually the TA I spoke to. I know she's on playground duty a lot of the time so I thought i'd get more out of her than I did. My dd is 4, nearly 5. She started full time school in september, but has been at that particular school since january. I asked when I went to pick her up a while ago if she was ok and she sort of dreamily said "oh I think she was fine..........yeah". It's crazy at pick up time, you're literally being budged out the way by other mums picking their dc's up. The thing is her learning is still very much through play, so when they're in class, other teachers should be picking up whether or not she is being excluded or even teased. She's come home in a very stubborn mood. She doesn't want to talk about anything and has gone straight to her little toy figures and is talking to them. Every now and then I pick up something through listening to her play. For example she'll mention another dc's name from school. It's so frustrating not knowing. I'm going to go in a little earlier tomorrow and hope to catch somebody else, see if I can get more information.

I obviously can't bear to think that anyone could be being cruel to her because she acts a little differently or "odd". I know she will struggle as it is, so i'm desperately anxious about other children possibly making it harder for her.

makemineaquadruple Tue 18-Oct-11 16:06:43

Also, going off the subject mango did you get my rather long essay of a pm earlier?............maybe you're still reading it grin I'm not pushing for a reply , it's just as i think you know loads of messages I write keep deleting themselves. Very annoying!

coff33pot Tue 18-Oct-11 17:53:55

Maybe when you go in you can suggest that the Teacher/Ta develop a circle of friends (including this other girl) and help them all engage in play to include your dd? Perhaps at the end of each play they were ALL given a sticker for excellent team play or something. Maybe carry that out for a week finishing off with a little certificate headed team players award or something.

Maybe then dd can go out to play the following week and be monitored from a distance as she has those children to look out for and the TA only intervene if things get heated smile

MangoMonster Tue 18-Oct-11 17:57:50

makemine got it, should have some time later when DS is in bed smile

makemineaquadruple Tue 18-Oct-11 18:34:51

That's a good idea coff. It is actually a very good school for rewards etc, but i'm pretty sure they don't have anything like this in place. I think in a lot of ways we've come on a lot with regards to accepting differences, but I still get surprised how many children and adults can be so thoughtless and hurtful. I will see dd play for 5 mins or so in the morning before the whistle goes and when this girl in particular is teasing dd, her mum never says anything. It can sometimes make me so angry, but I can't really say anything. When I went to pick dd up this afternoon she said to another little girl, "so you're coming to my house aren't you?" and this girl looked at her like she had 3 heads and said "er no, I don't think so". Obviously that was heartbreaking to hear and I was slightly cross with the girl also nearly 5, but she's still only very young. What really made me cross was the fact that her mum heard this and said absolutely nothing. Made no eye contact with me or dd. How horrible! I can't tell you how much that hurts. I probably don't need to try, as i'm sure many of you know exactly how much it hurts. You need your faith restoring at times like that.

makemineaquadruple Tue 18-Oct-11 18:37:01

Oh and mango, I really should've just checked my sent box. Not difficult really. Oooops! Hear from you soon hopefully.

coff33pot Tue 18-Oct-11 18:45:53

Yes I can understand how you feel and personally I dont hang around in the playground long enough to scan anyone now.

You are right though the other girl is very young.

DS is quite often coming out saying so and so is coming to my house to play. It never transpires. Trouble with mine is he has very limited social skills and runs around outside the edge of the play field and very rarely interacts. He dreams he has had convos and often uses his nintendo as if its a computer saying he is chatting to his "friends" sad But he doesnt actually talk to anyone but will run along side them.

Also a lot of children ask if their friends are coming over and automatically think they are at that age so it could be 50/50 there smile

makemineaquadruple Wed 19-Oct-11 10:04:21

I was actually talking to the TA when I picked dd up yesterday and she said that she'd been really happy all day, but the only thing that stood out was that she was playing with this girl and then for no apparent reason dd just turned round and walked off. The other girl just looked really confused apparently and went off to play with someone else. So that's just down to dd's lack of certain social skills. I've seen her play with children and if they turn their back on dd, she'll be very dramatic and say that they don't want to play with her anymore and will stomp off, arms folded and very grumpy. This was why I took what she said before with a pinch of salt. It was only because she was genuinely upset about going in, that alarm bells started ringed.

I live very close to the school and I have to say, i've been very tempted to go round and have a look at play time, out of dd's sight obviously. Not sure if that would be a good idea though.

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