DCs both at once! Dyslexia and Pooing pants

[BloodyGussets]

I just need someone to talk to me about this. Previously posted in chat and was kindly advised that maybe here might be better.

DS1 (year 4) has just been for a dyslexia assesment and it looks like he needs the full psychology report and all the assesments that go with it. He is a bright lad (although even this, will be questioned) to me anyway, but has problems spelling, processing and retaining information. We have a tutor outside school once a week and do work with him (although it can be like pulling teeth) and thought his reading was coming on really well, he seems to be reading almost fluently. In the preliminary report, it states he is behind on this as well as everything else to varying degrees.

DS1, also had a melt down yesterday and is very jealous over his friend who will include DS2 when he comes to play at our house. DS1 couldn't take it or control himself, shouting and crying and I had to take him away from the situation and tell him he couldn't lose control like this or he would lose his friend (and frighten his little brother).

It is shit, because the comparison thing is the big indicator to school and the experts, but for us, we really need to stop doing it. He is our bright lad and should remain so.

On top of this, our DS2 (3 1/2) has started pooing his pants, which, after over a year of being dry/clean and using the toilet just fine, is a real backwards step. I don't understand why he's doing it or how to get it to stop.

I know no big traumas have happened to us as a family and we are lucky, but I feel like the tide is turning now. What if DS2 becomes the smelly, lonely isolated child at school if the pooing is ongoing?

What if DS1 continues to struggle and have his confidence knocked because he doesn't get enough support at school? We can meet the fees for all the tests and are prepared to shell out for a session a week at our local dyslexia centre, but we don't have enough money for a private school or Steiner school that might benefit him. I understand that normal schools won't do much for dyslexic children and don't pay the £500 fee for the dyslexia tests. Is that right?

I want to feel like my kids are happy again and not struggling.

[Ineedalife]

What a shame that you are having such a hard time with both your Ds's.

Firstly I would say that my Dd2 regularly pooed in her pants until she was 5. She had problems with constipation, dehydration and holding her poos.

Make sure your younger Ds is getting plenty of drinks and maybe try reading him a story while he sits on the loo, To give him time to relax.

As for your older Ds, if you can afford an assessment then I would say go for it, it might trigger some action at school. You may need to shop around for a school that will meet his needs, they are out there but it is a bit of a lottery.

I would make an appointment with the SENCO at your Ds's school to talk about what they can do to support him if he gets a diagnosis of dyslexia.

Good luck.

[BloodyGussets]

Thanks Ineedalife.

I didn't know about SENCO, so that is something I can ask for.

[IndigoBell]

Every school has a SENCO (Special Educational Needs Co-ordinator)

You don't need any diagnosis to go see her - you only need to have concerns.

So you already know enough to speak to her and find out what else they can do to support your DS.

[dolfrog]

BloodyGussets

Dyslexia is a man made problem, a social construct, about having problems using a man made communication system the visual notation of speech (we call it the written word) or having problems decoding and recoding the graphic symbols society chooses to represent the sounds of speech. Dyslexia is language dependent. (My Key References collection of links to research papers etc)

There are three cognitive subtypes of Developmental Dyslexia: auditory, visual and attentional. Which means that an auditory processing disorder (listening disability), a visual processing disorder, an attention disorder, or any combination of the three can cause the dyslexic symptom. Living with any of these information processing disabilities can cause working memory issues, as we use the working memory to run the related coping strategies we may need to compensate and work around our processing issues.

The recognition of the existance of dyslexia is only a screen process for further clinical referrals to investigate one or more of the possible underlying cognitive issues that can cause the dyslexic symptom.

[GhoulieGussets]

Thanks for all your time. I am going to parent's evening tomorrow, so I will ask about SENCO and what the school can do for the boy.