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Any advice for school meeting today please?

(7 Posts)
starfish71 Thu 13-Oct-11 09:14:35

Have a meeting with school lunchtime to discuss what options are available for DS1(12) who has dyspraxia, social communication difficulties and is really struggling with school, sensory problems with noise etc.

He has been home since fainting in school last Monday, had blood tests but all clear. Have asked school to consider a part time timetable for a while but am not sure what they are going to suggest.

Also we have an issue with one of DS's teachers who told him that she didn't like him and other teachers felt the same! Have put it in writing that we are considering a formal complaint.

Really nervous and felt bit inadequate going today, just want to make it easier for DS, he is so stressed at thought of school.

Any advice? please

zzzzz Thu 13-Oct-11 09:46:18

Starfish,

When I was at school a teacher said something similarly awful to me [I was a mousy geeky 17 year old who was always late and unprepared and she felt moved to tell me I was the most unpleasant person she had ever met]. It was dreadful as I was totally out of my depth with "Adult" verbal aggression, and I was much older than your ds. I would make a complaint and I would ask for an apology, because frankly there is no excuse for this type of behaviour. I would try to keep that side of the process as separate from ds as possible and I would explain that even teachers are people and some of them are not as nice as others. You can use me as an example if you like, but the key is to explain that the problem is with her not him and that she probably has little or no understanding of who people really like or dislike as she has got even the quite basic rules of teacher/pupil relationship wrong. If you can persuade another member of staff to tell him that x, y, and z teacher were saying what a great guy he is the other day. Frankly I think it is the least they can do having attacked a very vulnerable member of the student population.

I wouldn't worry to much about the part-timing, either they will agree and have a model/set up in mind [ours was he came in till lunch every day, but we are still primary level] or they will be anti, in which case they will have some sort of plan to placate you into doing it. Either you agree to that or you don't. If you feel overwhelmed sit down with a piece of paper write down what they are suggesting and say you'd like to go away and think about it, could you call them the next day.

Could the fainting have actually been a panic attack? It sounds like the whole school experience is becoming hideously uncomfortable for your ds. Keep saying the aim must be for him to be settled and more confident. They seem to have lost sight of what they are supposed to be doing there.

Hope any of this has helped. Be brave and remember this is a small moment in his life, you can make the rest much happier.

starfish71 Thu 13-Oct-11 09:58:17

Thank you so much zzzzz. Your experience sounds really awful, really don't understand why some teachers choose the job in the first place as some clearly don't like children. I will do as you suggest and ask for an apology and make the complaint formal too, took ages for DS to tell me what had happened, confidence is really low.

He does have a couple of really positive teachers, one who told him couple of weeks ago that he was doing exceptionally well with the subject and should be proud of himself smile. Will keep reminding him of that.

Yes I think he really panicked last Monday, stressed about going and it was a cookery lesson where he was overwhelmed with the smells too.

I will take a notebook and jot down what they say this lunchtime and like you say if I am not sure what they suggest is right then will ask for time to think and get back to them.

Thank you, this just seems obvious when you hear it from someone else but I really am in a state and will try and calm myself but at least now I have a bit of a plan.

Thank you again.

starfish71 Fri 14-Oct-11 08:22:09

Just a little update after meeting yesterday. Had meeting with DS1's head of year and EWO officer, very positive i think.

Got date for autism outreach worker to go in and observe, EP def going in sometime next month, they will let me know date soon, they will support a referral back to CAMHS and got his new IEP (bit rushed through i think but never mind at least there is one now...).

DS is going in this morning, for one lesson, then one lesson out of class to catch up on some work then we will pick him up lunchtime.

He is going in after first break so will not be there that long but it is a start.

Really nervous for him, fingers crossed it goes well then we can see what lessons he can manage next week, they seem open to him doing a reduced timetable so hope it works out.

coff33pot Fri 14-Oct-11 10:15:31

When my dd was at school she was always belittled in class by certain teacher (head)

She had panic attacks feeling dizzy and hot and would frequently run out the classroom crying and stressed. It came to a head when the HT lost it in the middle of the foyer by saying "is there something wrong with you or were you born like that" She walked home and I had already had a phone call before she got here. I marched right back to school with her and told him that as he felt the foyer was his office I would have my meeting with him here too and made him apologise publicly in that exact same foyer.

I am glad for you that your meeting was positive and hopefully once the EP has visited he/she will be able to put forward some suggestions to help your DS smile

starfish71 Fri 14-Oct-11 10:26:11

Oh coff33pot that was awful! Did you make a complaint against the Head that is disgusting.

I have told them I expect her to apologise to DS but I am making a formal complaint too, head of year said that she will have to find out what happens now as regards lessons with that teacher..

Taking him up in a few minutes, am more nervous than him I think.

Is your DD still at the school?

coff33pot Fri 14-Oct-11 19:33:08

No DD left school a long time ago now all grown up smile There was no use complaining back then everyone was in each others pockets so to speak and seeing it was the HT then it was a no go. That was quite a few years ago now so I expect there are more correct channels for complaints proceedures. Fortunately he retired and I dont think there was one parent that actually missed him! she was 14 at the time of the incident and that is a vulnerable age. I have to say I dished out the best teacher like reprimand in full public view so the very fact that he was himself embarrassed and had to publicly apologise had the desired effect of her being removed from his class into another. She then calmed down no end and he avoided her like the plague! grin

When she apologises say you would like to be present when it is done. It may help your DS to not feel uncomfortable and reasured that she is sorry x

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