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Dd is sending me insane!! Can't stand this anymore!(6 Posts)
I feel like i'm losing my mind!!!
We've been at home for the last week because she's got chicken pox and is still contageous. She's not poorly, but she can't really mix again yet. It's not so much the tantrums that are a problem, i'm used to that, it's the constant whining. "I want this now!! Get it mummy!! You do it mummy, I can't do it!!" She can she just likes to be dramatic and throw herself on the floor. She even smirks sometimes when she sees how frustrated she's making me. She's not even 5 yet.
Sometimes she can entertain herself quite well ie lots of imaginative play. Then other times like today, she is constantly pulling at my clothes, moaning and demanding that everything goes in a certain order.
I'm also pissed off because I finally got a statement through from the SALT's. I knew they'd discharged her, but put that they thought her behaviour was at times "odd and unusual". At the time, I kept saying that I was concerned that her behaviour was sometimes strange(a lot of the time if i'm being honest) and they said they didn't agree and they thought her speech and behaviour was completely appropriate for her age and they were very happy with her. So then I recieve their report, filled with spelling mistakes by the way, which is great from a SALT and it's like they've completely changed their mind and everything they have written is completely opposite to what they said on the day. Oh, apart from the fact she's been discharged which I knew was going to be the case and was expecting.
Anyway, that hasn't helped and i'm just feeling so let down by everyone. A familiar feeling I fear for many of you.
How can I stop her from being so demanding all the time!! Losing my mind slowly but surely.
Oh god shortly after writing that I completely lost it with dd. Dp came homeearly from work and said he would take her out to buy her something as a treat with her pocket money(this was before everything went mental). Sounds lovely doesn't it. Does dd understand that it's a nice thing to do? Yes, very much so. Does she just get in the car and go? No, not at all. Instead she decides to hit, kick, bite and scream! All because her and dp didn't leave imediately. I'm not sure these are asd traits, they seem more like brattish traits to me. She didn't react because her routine was broken, she reacted in that way because we didn't do exactly what we wanted her to do, when she wanted us to do it.
Anyway, she kept launching herself at me for no reason whatsoever. At one stage i'd had enough and I held her head back quite firmly so she couldn't bite me again. The look of horror on her face was awful. I felt so guilty. I didn't hurt her, but I think it scared her. I couldn't stand to see that look in her eyes. I would never hurt her and words can't describe how much I love her, but my god is she challenging! I also shouted a lot, which I hate. Once i've lost it, i've lost it and then i'll just start talking to her like she's an adult almost. It's because i'm not thinking clearly, I know, but once I get to that point I can almost literally see red with anger.
I thought we'd stopped this. She has been driving me mad with the demanding, but the violence has reduced so much, so i'm just so deflated and disappointed! I just pray that it was a one off!
hope it is getting easier for you and things calm down soon, my thought are with you.
If its any consolation to you you are now alone in the shouting front. I have just let rip at DS. We have been painting the front room and the paint was 2 hours dry. A new suite arrived at 2pm...........by 5pm DS had deliberately dragged the back cushions along a wet wall All because his sibling had her laptop on and it was hurting his ears and she couldnt turn it down fast enough grrrr! So yep I yelled
Oh poor you its so hard isnt it? I have had a bad day with DD today and she has kicked and pushed and hit me but is angelic for DP. She has also learned to say silly girl and says it to me constantly. I also lost it today and ranted at her then felt awful because I knwo she doesn't understand half of what I said. She sleeps badly atm and I feel like I am at her beck and call day and night and it makes it hard to be calm when sleep deprived.
We are all only human and being hit and kicked etc would push anyones buttons.
We have had a lovely holiday but I'll be the first to admit that I can't wait to get dd back to school because her incessant chatter is driving me nuts and she doesn't have any of the challenging behaviour you are dealing with.
Dd, if there isn't enough structure to her time, will whine so we have a routine when she is at home for any length of time. She does specific activities for set periods of time broken up by snack, dvd,time in the garden and a walk around the block.
When my two were younger they didn't grasp that something they wanted to do would happen eventually. So if I mentioned a treat it had to be instant gratification. In that situation where something that they wanted to do was discussed but didn't happen then they would have reacted the same way tbh.
I soon wised up, no discussions in front of them, any treats were mentioned only when they were about to get them.
So in your situation I'd have encouraged dd to welcome daddy home, got both daddy and dd a drink and a snack. Text plans for the afternoon between us, then as he was ready to leave I'd tell dd "shoes on, coat on, shop with Daddy" only once they'd left the house would the treat be mentioned.
Now they are older and particularly because they can grasp time we can be more relaxed and they can manage the anticipation but it too quite a while coming.
Maybe you could give it a go, it will feel strange at first but it gets to be second nature pretty quickly tbh.
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