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Help Needed Explaining SNs To My DS

(9 Posts)
MagsTheSoulSteeler Fri 07-Oct-11 20:43:23

I need some help in explaining the following to my DS who is NT and hope you may be able to help me.

I live in a street where we have a lot of children from 3 year olds upto 8/9 year olds. They all play together and have done for a good few years now.

In this group we have a friend who has two DSs the eldest is NT and the youngest has SN. He is 4yo but he has the mental age of a 2 1/2yo. He has just started attending the local school with all the other children.

I have two DSs 6yo and 3yo and my DS1 has started asking me questions about my friends DS2, I will call him J.

A bit more background information is that during the end of last year and this summer they have spent a lot of time together and whilst my DS2 has moved on and grown up iykwim J has not, he has stayed the same. My DS1 has noticed this and has started to ask me questions i.e "Does J have his own sign language" and "why is J different"?

I have spoken to my friend about all this and she suggested just telling my DS2 that J is slower than everybody else hmm I don't feel that is the right thing to say but I am struggling to find the correct terms/words to use.

I don't understand enough about SN and the terms/words I knew as a child (I am 40) have changed so much.

Thank you for reading this far and I hope you can help with such a silly request blush

Lougle Fri 07-Oct-11 20:50:03

My DD1 is almost 6 but has a social maturity of around 2/3. Her sisters (2½ and 4) know that she has to go to Special School, and that she cannot jump, etc.

The way I explain it to them is that DD1 was born with a poorly brain, and it means that she can't do some things, and finds other things harder than them. She goes to a special school for children who need extra help.

How would that work for you?

MagsTheSoulSteeler Fri 07-Oct-11 20:56:38

Lougle thank you, that is much nicer.

zzzzz Sat 08-Oct-11 01:16:41

I think the main thing is not to be too worried about the words/political correctness. Like discussing genitals or sex etc with children each family has their ow language to describe things and to an extent their own views on things.

I have 2 children with sn and have obviously had to explain to some extent to all 5 of my children and to friends etc. I don't like to connect disability with illness [to me these are very different things and to some extent this is more important to us as one of my children is sometimes very ill].

Our disabilities are invisible and so my rationale has been.

Everyone grows up at their own rate, some of you could read/tie shoe laces/ walk earlier than others and that is how we are born. For some people it takes much longer to grow up, some people never get all the way to grown up for everything, so they might look like a big person but they might still need help like a littler one. It doesn't matter how long it takes you to grow up, what matters is that you help people with the things they need help with and let them learn as much as they can. I try to draw their attention to things they learnt faster and more slowly that they are aware of and people they know who might be lagging especially if it is someone they admire. For example their Granny is still "learning" to use the dvd player ( hmm ) at our house whereas the older kids find it easy, and their cousin is still in nappies though he is older than any of them were [he will get there soon which will help].

The good thing about all this is that they generally help their less able siblings and see it as no different from me helping them with the things they can't do.

SOTIRIA Sat 08-Oct-11 15:15:56

I have told my son that he has some difficulties but that everyone has some difficulties. Some people are good at sports and some find them difficult. Some people are very kind and some people find that difficult. Some people need glasses etc.

jandymaccomesback Sat 08-Oct-11 15:30:29

Like your post zzz

signandsmile Sat 08-Oct-11 16:57:36

grin for zzzz's post too. We say everyone is different, ds's brain works in a different way, auntie XX's ears work differently, uncle YY talks with his hands, big ZZ uses a wheelchair instead of his legs, etc etc....

(we do refer to dh's legs and hands being 'poorly' but that is to simplfy for ds who has LD himself, and who see's his dad in lots of pain at times.)

I very much like the idea that everyone has things they find difficult and things they find easier,

MagsTheSoulSteeler Sat 08-Oct-11 17:00:53

Thank you all it is really appreciated. Who said parenting was easy hmm smile

I am probably overthinking the whole issue. I think it was when DS2 asked why J had his own sign language that threw me as I hadn't noticed.

MagsTheSoulSteeler Sun 09-Oct-11 08:57:21

Just wanted to say thank you again thanks

The opportunity to sit and have a talk with DS1 happened yesterday when he started the conversation. I was able to explain it to him confidently remembering all your posts.

It turns out he was worried how he could play with J because he didn't understand him.

So again thanks

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