AS, ASD, Dyspraxia - how has it impacted on your life?

[ihatecbeebies]

I posted this in Parents with disabilities too but I think speaking to parents with autistic children would be good too.

As the title of the thread suggests I'm looking to find out what influence having autistic spectrum disorder, aspergers syndrome or dyspraxia has had for you.

My DS has possibly one (or all 3?) of these disorders as he has lists of strong traits for all of them. I'm worried about his future, what he'll be able to accomplish or what he'll struggle with. I've been researching online but nothing is better than experience, so please share your stories, they will be very much appreciated.

[PattySimcox]

Influence? Made me far more tolerant and understanding than I ever thought I could be for one.

In terms of his future, well even though DS is high functioning, he will need a lot of support in his adult life. Not necessarily living with us all his life, but more help and guidance than most, possibly supported housing, or a very tolerant partner.

With the right support and in the right educational establishment for the child then there is no reason why anyone with ASD cannot fulfil their own potential.

[MangoMonster]

Only have a small amount of experience to share...but it's made me re-evaluate myself. For example, I by nature am always looking to the next thing to achieve and not really good at enjoying what I have. Since having DS and it's been one thing after another which are out of my control, I've learned to be much mote appreciate of the present and although I'm still workig towards the future, it's not all consuming.

I've also discovered that other people can be really helpful in terms of helping your child, I always just wanted to do everthing myself...but I don't have all the answers and that's ok. I always previously felt like I should know best for DS, but sometimes you have to search out others opinions and consider them with an open mind.

I'm still struggling with worrying about what the future holds for him, but what parent doesn't irrespective of SN. I try not to worry about coping or dealing with things in the perfect way anymore and just try my best and keep trying to improve.

Not sure if this is what you were asking...Hope It helps.

[ihatecbeebies]

Patty That is one thing I've been worried about with my DS, would he be able to stay in a mainstream school or eventually get a good job? And when he's older would he be able to live on his own or get married and have children? I've so many questions but I think I'm quite scared to have them answered at the same time iykwim, incase I get an answer that isn't what I was hoping for.

Mango That's great thanks a lot :) I've been reluctant to ask for help incase that shows that I can't cope with DS on my own. And the controlling thing I can relate to aswell, I feel like I've lost a lot of control with a lot of things and now I've noticed that I've been more controlling of other things to try and compensate for what I can't control, like making sure DS only has healthy food, only watches certain tele programs, etc, but to the point of seeming neurotic!

[MangoMonster]

Glad it helped, it's a very confusing time... Don't be too hard on yourself, I've seen several examples of SN parents on mn that are coping and doing a sterling job in the face of adversity and that's what I am looking towards, just go to get past our own issues while focussing on dcs. Nothing prepared you for it, it must just happen through perseverance and self awareness.

[PattySimcox]

I think you need to turn that viewpoint on it's head and ask why you want him to stay in a mainstream school? Do you feel (as many sadly do) that there is a stigma attached to non-mainstream settings? Or that he will not do as well out of m/s schools?

The right school for the right child will make a world of difference to how they will cope, progress and thrive. A child who is misunderstood and not supported in a highly academic school will not do as well as a they could in a SN school where their needs may be better met.

DS was diagnosed at 5 - he is now 13 and seems to have peaks and troughs of development - some days I can imagine him as the next Bill Gates, other days I fear if he continues as he is then he will end up in prison. That is no different to other children not on the spectrum.

What I have found over the last 8 years is that the right support - for him and you, is key.

And sadly it is something that you have to really fight for.

[insanityscratching]

I have a son and daughter with autism, ds was diagnosed at three and dd at two so we have had autism on our lives for more than thirteen years. I'd say I am more tired, more disillusioned and definitely poorer than I would have been without the autism.I am also far more tolerant, understanding and resourceful as well so I think it's probably a case of swings and roundabouts.
I would say you can never predict the future, certainly ds and dd have surpassed all expectations but ds will never be independent as I was told when he was three but have only just accepted now he's 16. As for dd her diagnosis was even bleaker but she has made fantastic progress whether or not she will become independent only time will tell I suppose.