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So worried about my daughter

(6 Posts)
GodKeepsGiving Sat 01-Oct-11 15:35:35

DD2 has just been diagnosed with Asperger's in May. We knew for years that she had problems - she is 12 now, but the SENCO at her primary school decided that her issues were emotional and so refused to refer her for an educational psychologist assessment despite requests from other teachers and CAHMS. She left primary school a month early along with another girl because they were both being severely bullied. The other girl is much more confident and able and was bullied because she was very overweight and her mother was a Goth. DD2 was unable to sustain friendships because she would tell lies to impress her peers and daydreamed a lot - this is due to her limited concentration span.
Both girls were sent to the same school in a different county as it has good league table results which were the other child's mothers motives for sending her there and I sent DD2 there because the school had a good reputation for supporting children with special needs.
12 months later everything has been turned upside down. DD2 has fallen out with her only friend repeatedly and she has begun bullying her, along with another girl who is confident, rich and clever and my daughter's self esteem is now lower than ever. They call her a loner, a liar and a chav. She is lonely and does have issues with telling the truth, but I don't feel we are chavs. We are on student incomes and have a mortgage to pay but we still managed to find £180 per term for her bus pass and top up her funds for catering at school. I am really upset and worried.
I was good friends with her mother, but there is little point explaining DD2's version of events since it will all be attributed to Asperger's and her problem behaviour. DD2 is staring a new school in a week which had gone into special measures but gets a lot of funding and only has 30 pupils in her year. A miscommunication meant that rather than starting 10 days from the admission interview she starts on 10 October. My husband took her to the meeting and so I presumed she was starting on Monday - it turns out it is not until the following Monday. Her old school are demanding that she return then for the final week. I have written and emailed to say that this is not in her best interests since the bullying will continue and she will be posited as a liar again.
The school were supposed to support her as she has been deemed very vulnerable to bullying by the paediatric psychologist, they have not even written to him or telephoned to discuss any of it. I'm really worried that any issues will stay on her record and she will be a victim of labelling and the cycle will perpetuate at her new school. I emailed the girl's mother that she went to primary school with and played down her daughter's role in events and warned her about the other girl for DD2's sake, because awful as this child has been her mother is superconfident and bitchy and I don't want my daughter's reputation tarnishing further. I suppose really we're both being bullied by them and I don't want any more to do with them really but her mother sent back a rather terse email saying she would come and see me during the week, but I don't want her too since I might just end up telling her what a cruel and unkind person she has raised. Any thoughts or advice would be very much appreciated.

wasuup3000 Sat 01-Oct-11 21:53:07

Do you have a staement for your daughter?

noodledo Sat 01-Oct-11 22:06:12

It's one week - I'd be calling in and telling them she is sick myself if they are pushing that she attends given it is not going to help her state of mind at all. As for the other parent, just keep it to a minimum. I guess if you are saying your DD is off sick from school you can also use the same excuse with the other mum too to keep her away. After that everyone will hopefully have calmed down a bit and you can probably have a comfortable conversation.

Agree with wasupp - do you have a statement in place for your daughter?

lisad123 Sat 01-Oct-11 22:34:07

I would say she was sick on final week. As for the other girl, i would try and forget her and family, clearly it's not a good relationship for your dd.
I don't surpose your are in or near herts? I run a support group for girls with Asd, and we meet over the school holidays with the girls, and some of us meet on a Saturday and go horse riding therapy. We also meet as a group of parents.
I have had a girl bullying my dd1 this year and have had to go into school three times! angry

ChippingIn Sat 01-Oct-11 22:41:18

Definitely keep her off 'sick' & email the other woman - tell her that you need some time alone & that DD isn't well - that you will contact her when you are feeling up to it <never>.

Sorry your DD has gone through so much - I hope the new school works out OK for her.

GodKeepsGiving Sat 01-Oct-11 22:41:21

We are in the North West so it's a bit far I'm afraid! DH is taking her to see the GP on Monday to get a medical certificate for stress - she's not well enough to be in school. She isn't statemented yet and her case won't be heard for at least 12 months because the Psychologist is on long term sick leave. I've applied for DLA so that I can afford to send her to local clubs for ASD children but I'm not sure whether we'll get it because her letter from the doctor says that she has presented with symptoms consistent with a diagnosis of Asperger's. I'm so worried about her, my two younger sons also have SN and it's an absolute nightmare at the moment.

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