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"hello" "goodbye", can an ASD child actually learn this, mine hasnt yet

(23 Posts)
brandy77 Sun 25-Sep-11 21:05:38

Ive been prompting him for as long as i can remember, hes nearly 7 now and I still have to tell him to say it, do they learn in the end or am i hitting a brick wall. Would doing a social story help? I dont want people thinking hes an ignornant little boy when hes obviously not smile

oodlesofdoodles Sun 25-Sep-11 21:14:37

Hi Brandy - we have used smarties for this. And still do from time to time. DS is okay with hello but hates goodbye. Particularly if he's been having a good time and doesn't want the guest to leave.

purplemurple Sun 25-Sep-11 21:45:15

ds is 7 and I still have to prompt him to say hello and goodbye.

brandy77 Sun 25-Sep-11 21:48:47

thankyou for replying smile pleased your ds says hello oodles, dont think i could bribe my son too be honest, he doesnt eat sweets either lol. purple, i think its because hes that bit older that im only just noticing it fully, i just wonder if we will prompting when they are teenagers

Ineedalife Sun 25-Sep-11 22:18:22

My Dd3 doesn't do hello and goodbye, either.

I have often wondered if she will ever get it but she is 9 tomorrow so its looking less likely.

It a shame because she is a lovely girl but people often think she is rude becasue of this issue.

logi Sun 25-Sep-11 22:23:46

My son is almost 8 and he doesnt say hello or goodbye either but i dont prompt him too much now as it can turn into an argument with him...and its not worth it smile

sphil Sun 25-Sep-11 22:24:48

DS2 occasionally says hello unprompted (in reply to a hello from someone else) but more often than not has to be prompted and then says ' hello DS2'. Never says goodbye and even night night makes him put his fingers in his ears!

zen1 Sun 25-Sep-11 22:55:50

DS1 is 8.5 (always assumed he was just socially shy until I came on here worried about ASD symptoms in DS3, now I can see he has lots of Aspergers traits too) and never says hello, goodbye or thank you unless prompted. However, if we see someone we know about to come up to us, I tell DS1 to remember to say hello if they say hello to him and he usually does it.

yanny Sun 25-Sep-11 23:07:53

More often than not I have to prompt dd who is 11. Thank you is another one that usually needs a reminder too. Dd has Nonverbal Learning Disorder (NVLD) and waiting on ASD assessment

brandy77 Sun 25-Sep-11 23:13:45

thanks, think im only just realising what an impact it has on us as parents. zen, my son will say it when prompted same as yours but he wont look at the person, just carries on walking. sphill, aw thats sad you cant say goodnite, my son will say goodnight and let me touch his head (no kissing allowed!). ineedalife, makes you very protective when you think others are judging them doesnt it, think il keep prompting and tell other family members to do the same.logi, bless you, fortunately for me my ds wont argue about it, if he did i certainly wouldnt remind him to do it,lol. x

brandy77 Sun 25-Sep-11 23:18:04

thanks yanny, yes thankyou is another one i hadnt thought of that one, sorry is definitely another one! i was told that children could be taught these simple (to us) interactions, but perhaps not then. Like i say, im noticing it more as he gets older and i probably need to hear it off other parents that its "normal" if you know what i mean. x

Triggles Sun 25-Sep-11 23:26:25

DS2 will happily say hello to any stranger on the street... provided they don't talk to him first. If they approach him or say hello to him, he won't talk. It's one of those things that just puzzles me. Maybe it's keeping the conversation the way he is prepared for.. I don't know.

yanny Sun 25-Sep-11 23:50:59

brandy social stories have been helpful for dd as long as they are for a specific thing eg When my friend X comes to play or Why my Dog Doesn't Like being Tickled grin.

Triggles Funny that, my dd also talk to strangers but clamps up if they reply!

Triggles Sun 25-Sep-11 23:58:31

yanny - it's not just strangers. He goes to RDA every week, and the people there are so nice and friendly, greeting him when we get there, and the only one he will answer is the lady that directs the riders around when they're on the horses. Otherwise, he acts like he is unable to respond, very skittish, very quiet, won't look at them.

raffle Mon 26-Sep-11 01:22:45

DS is 3 on Saturday. He is non verbal and has not learned to wave either hello or goodbye. However, if we ask him "how does a wave go" he will wave! So I usually end up saying (in a mega forced and jolly way) "GOODbye friend of DS" then whispering at him "how does a wave go", so it appears as if he is waving goodbye (nice and socially appropriate). Hoping this will eventually sink in smile

brandy77 Mon 26-Sep-11 07:48:58

oh so a social story may not work for this then yanny, i havent ever done one before too be honest. raffle, thats the confusing thing isnt it, if they understand what hello and goodbye is and will do it on prompt why dont they do it naturally after years of being told to....i totally get confused with autism more as time goes on and his social skills appear to worsen

Ben10WasTheSpawnNowWeLoveLego Mon 26-Sep-11 07:53:20

DS doesn't do hello, goodbye, thank you or please without being prompted. He is 6 and has been reminded every single time since he was tiny. I don't think that it is go in grin

someoneoutthere Mon 26-Sep-11 08:55:19

DS will do "hello and bye" in response and without prompt, but would not greet somebody with a hello first without prompt. He says 'please' without prompt to everybody, but never 'thank you and sorry'. He however says 'thank you and sorry' to Dd, his little sister, without any prompt (smile). 'good night and good mornings' are always in response.

ouryve Mon 26-Sep-11 13:28:05

DS1(7) says it when he feels like it, but if you put any pressure on him, is more likely to blow a raspberry. Virtually non-verbal DS2(5) says hello and goodbye a lot, but normally about a minute too late. He is naturally a lot more sociable than DS1, though.

ArthurPewty Mon 26-Sep-11 13:31:37

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

brandy77 Mon 26-Sep-11 19:23:45

thankyou smile

oliviaaah Mon 26-Sep-11 23:56:10

My DS (7) has obviously overheard me talking to someone about this issue. Today he came home from school and was telling me about his social skills group. 'I'm in the social skills group because I don't do small talk' he said. Bless him, he does make me smile.

brandy77 Tue 27-Sep-11 07:36:01

oh oliviaaah that is so sweet smile

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