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i don't know what to think any more

(14 Posts)
AmaraDresden Sat 24-Sep-11 15:36:58

I'm not really sure where to begin, I think I've always known something wasn't right with my son. He was late to do everything, he didn't sit up until just two weeks before his 1st birthday, he was a difficult baby and I always tried to put the fact that he spent most of his time awake crying however we tried to comfort him down to it. He didn't walk until he was 22months old. He still wasn't speaking well when he started school. He's struggled so much at school with writing and reading.

School have given him an IEP, and written on his data info that he has problems communicating and learning under 'disabilities'. I've been waiting since Feb for an Educational Psychologist to look at him. He has problems with frustration and anger issues resulting in him fighting at school. If his brother doesn't listen to him he gets so mad.

I was diagnosed as having ADHD when I'd left school, so sometimes I don't know if I am imagining all the things he does to be outside of normal. Like when he's excited and flaps his arms and legs. I also have friends with SN children and they're different to him in many ways. I suspect Dyslexia as his dad, and all four surviving siblings have problems reading and writing.

I'm just lost, I've made an appointment with the GP to try and push things through faster as I feel I'll be waiting forever with the school. I'm scared his education will suffer the longer this is delayed, and I'm also scared there's no problem at all as I feel like my friends sometimes think I'm imagining things, although one friend did point out his eye contact isn't good.

I hope that my fears are for nothing but I am scared there is something wrong and he's going to have to suffer through school being miserable and having no support.

I guess I'm just asking for a little hand holding and if anyone else's child is similar.

glitch Sat 24-Sep-11 15:49:05

You poor thing.
How old is your DS?
Have you been back into school to find out how he is progressing against his IEP? If i isn't helping they should be tracking down the EP and speeding things up. Get on the schools case about the fact you are worried about his progression in school. They are obliged to help.
Definitely see your GP and try to get a referral to a paed.

With what you have written, it does sound like there might be something wrong, but there is help that he will get. It is sad to have things confirmed but then so happy when you realise just what a positive impact it can have on his life to get the help he needs.

Keep pushing for him.

AmaraDresden Sat 24-Sep-11 16:18:26

He doesn't seem to be progressing on his IEP that I can see, he's 8 and in year 4, but his work is still only hitting year 1 levels. I'm going to ring the school and speak to the SENCO on Monday, it's difficult to talk to his teacher now as DS2 has started school and comes out of a different part of the building so DS1 has to walk round to me. Lol, I'm at real risk of outing myself here

Thank you.

Just looked at his spelling book and he's not even copied them down correctly. How do they expect him to learn if they don't check what he's practising?

AmaraDresden Sat 24-Sep-11 16:18:26

He doesn't seem to be progressing on his IEP that I can see, he's 8 and in year 4, but his work is still only hitting year 1 levels. I'm going to ring the school and speak to the SENCO on Monday, it's difficult to talk to his teacher now as DS2 has started school and comes out of a different part of the building so DS1 has to walk round to me. Lol, I'm at real risk of outing myself here

Thank you.

Just looked at his spelling book and he's not even copied them down correctly. How do they expect him to learn if they don't check what he's practising?

lisad123 Sat 24-Sep-11 17:01:32

I would make a meeting with his senco and school nurse and demand a referral to a developmental pead.

AmaraDresden Sat 24-Sep-11 17:47:45

Lisa, I met the SENCO several months ago when she said she'd refer him to the ed psy, tbh she's absolutely useless, so many friends have very valid complaints about her competence. I am going to have a phonecall with her though, as I find it hard to articulate myself well face to face when I'm emotional.

AmaraDresden Sat 24-Sep-11 17:47:45

Lisa, I met the SENCO several months ago when she said she'd refer him to the ed psy, tbh she's absolutely useless, so many friends have very valid complaints about her competence. I am going to have a phonecall with her though, as I find it hard to articulate myself well face to face when I'm emotional.

glitch Sun 25-Sep-11 18:54:09

When you have a meeting with anyone about your DS, make sure that you write down all the points you want answers on. It really helps you to remember everything you need to know when you get emotional. You could also take someone with you as support too.

The school are failing him if he doesn't progress on his IEP and they don't take it further. Make sure you find out when and where the reviews are.

It is hard, but start being demanding of the school. This is your DS's life and furture they are messing with and you need to let them know that you mean business. A lovely SALT once told me that I must make sure I was heard (ie, make a fuss, phone people, keep asking questions) if I wanted to get all the help available for my DS. It has been very sound advice.

Ineedalife Sun 25-Sep-11 19:14:01

Hi amara and welcome, I had to go down the GP route to get help for my Dd3, her school were a joke. I ended up moving her. You could try phoning them every week to ask when your Ds is going to been assessed. Sometimes keeping on at them shows that you are determined and pushes them inot helping.

I used to have the homework/spellings issue with Dd2, she regularly copied it down incorrectly and I would have to phone her friends parents to find out what to do.

You could ask your sons teacher to photocopy the homework/spellings for your son so that at least you know what he has to do.

Good luck and keep pushingsmile.

StarlightMcKenzie Sun 25-Sep-11 19:46:00

After the meeting, write to the SENCO clarifying what was agreed in the meeting. If there was anything that you disagreed with, request that the SENCO respond to you in writing her reasons.

This is the first step to tell her you mean business.

And go to your GP for a referral to a developmental paed.

AmaraDresden Sun 25-Sep-11 22:11:39

What's a SALT? Thank you all, you're all giving me more confidence that I should definitely be pushing. I'm certainly going to tackle the homework issue too, luckily I know how to spell the words he got this week but not every parent can spell. My memory is atrocious however, and I don't always remember to get to the homework on time but I've bought myself a diary and I'll be asking the teacher what days homework is given out and write it down in an effort to get these things done. I can't rely on DS to tell me as he isn't good at communicating at all.

AmaraDresden Sun 25-Sep-11 22:11:39

What's a SALT? Thank you all, you're all giving me more confidence that I should definitely be pushing. I'm certainly going to tackle the homework issue too, luckily I know how to spell the words he got this week but not every parent can spell. My memory is atrocious however, and I don't always remember to get to the homework on time but I've bought myself a diary and I'll be asking the teacher what days homework is given out and write it down in an effort to get these things done. I can't rely on DS to tell me as he isn't good at communicating at all.

glitch Sun 25-Sep-11 22:22:34

Speech & Language Therapist - SALT

Ask the teacher to give you a copy of his homework spellings each week or ask the senco what they intend to do about the fact that he is unable to copy the words down therefore can't learn them. Put the ball in their court.

When are you seeing the GP? Have you written down a list of all your concerns and what you want the GP to do? (eg, refer to a paed).

It is scary that he might have issues but it is so good that you are trying to do something to help him. I've heard there are so many parents who are just so much in denial about possible problems that their poor children just get left behind.

AmaraDresden Mon 26-Sep-11 17:05:06

I'm working on the list, the appointment is next Weds, I made it two weeks ago but had to rearrange due to it clashing with something else I'm doing for his benefit (a literacy course to help me help him), our Dr is always in demand and I don't want to see another GP about it.

I just want him to be happier at school, I don't mind him not being a genius as long as he tries his hardest and gets the most he can out of it while being happy. We had a miserable year 2 with a teacher who did nothing but keep him in at playtime almost every day and never praised him. I don't want him to go through that again.

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