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ASD and discipline...do you stick to your guns or let things slide a little?

(17 Posts)
teamtwilight Wed 21-Sep-11 16:05:58

Every night after school I have the battle of trying to get my ds out of his school clothes so he doesn't ruin them during his evening of rough and tumble/outbursts etc.
I have tried a reward system of "get changed and you can have some computer time" but he ignores/changes subject/or simply refuses.
This usually ends up in him having an anger outburst and ds using me as a punch bag.

This is just an example of many battles we have. So do I stick to my guns and have this every night or do I let this slide and accept that I shall wash/buy school uniform more often??

What forms of discipline do you use as I find the naughty step makes things worse for me but I do need to discipline ds?

IndigoBell Wed 21-Sep-11 16:08:09

Let this slide. Absolutely, it's not important.

insanityscatching Wed 21-Sep-11 16:21:09

I choose my battles carefully and only take on the ones that are worth winning.

I find that if you save your battles for the big stuff then they listen more then or at least they do here anyway.

lisad123 Wed 21-Sep-11 16:21:34

Yes sadly you do need to show him discipline. I normally stick to my guns tbh but I'm evil mum grin
However, I try and discuss why they do t want to do something, so why would he not want out of his uniform? Is it be because new clothes are cold? Ok then put clothes on radiators before he gets home.

eaglewings Wed 21-Sep-11 16:26:18

DS who has ASD has a thing about clothes and only wears his favourite

He too will stay in school clothes after school. I do not push him to change unless we are going somewhere special

As insanity said, pick your battles, this is not an important one in the big scheme of things even if you find it frustrating

cansu Wed 21-Sep-11 16:36:19

Agree on picking your battles. I think before I had the dc I would never have believed I could be this lax but there's so many other things to deal with! I usually try and work on one thing at a time and am pretty easy going because I have to be!

StarlightMcKenzie Wed 21-Sep-11 16:47:52

Well for the past two years I have absolutely stuck to my guns, but as ds' language has developed into basic forms of negotiating, if he tries to negotiate rather than tantrum I sometimes let him win if ultimately it isn't such an important point, because his negotiation, reasoning and attempts at social manipulation need to be rewarded and encourage as that is what NT children practise and do after all.

suburbandream Wed 21-Sep-11 16:48:32

Definitely pick your battles, but I do understand this one - DS1 rolls around, slides across the floor on his knees etc, spills food all down his uniform at tea time and so he has to get changed as soon as he's in the door! Funnily enough DS2 (ASD) is happy to get changed out of his uniform - in his eyes, school uniform is of course only for school, so once you're out of school the uniform must come off asap smile.

I've never been very successful with naughty step or time out - DS2 simply refuses to do it and I can't be arsed with insisting for how ever long it takes. If you really want to make him change, I'd try positive encouragement rather than "punishment", such as star charts/marble jars etc. Lisad123 makes a really good point - try to find out the reason why he doesn't like to change and find the clothes that feel most comfy. If it's straight into PJs, so be it!!

StarlightMcKenzie Wed 21-Sep-11 16:51:05

In terms of offering computer time though, there is probably no point.

The thing you have to offer as a reward is whatever it is that he is doing that second that you ask, that he is prevented from doing until his uniform is removed, even if it is just sitting on the sofa staring at the wall.

You: 'You can sit on that sofa, once your school uniform is off, until then, you can't'

Him: Okay then, I'll go upstairs!

You: 'Certainly. Take off your uniform and you can go upstairs'

etc etc.

lisad123 Wed 21-Sep-11 16:58:05

We do use time out but only for 1 min at a time, but it works for one but not the other.

Becaroooo Wed 21-Sep-11 17:45:13

Pick your battles, absolutely.

Is it really worth it??

Really?

ouryve Wed 21-Sep-11 18:13:06

We pick our battles very carefully.

And my kids are free to try to ruin their school clothes. They're tougher and cheaper than their regular clothes. They're normally covered with paint, glue and ink by the time i pick them up from school, anyhow.

Ineedalife Wed 21-Sep-11 19:03:51

I am also in the pick your battles campsmile.

I find with Dd3 that saying "If you get changed you can go on the computer" doesn't work that well. But if I ask her what she wants to do and then say " You can't do it until you get changed" she will quite often get changed. IYSWIM.

She often rants about doing what I have asked and is occasionally agressive, which is why we tend to pick our battles.

We just change the sweatshirt after school because they are logo'ed ones and expensive, the rest of the uniform is from sainsbury's so we have loads of it.

Good lucksmile.

ommmward Wed 21-Sep-11 19:19:36

I don't understand why children need to change their clothes when they get home from school. I don't even begin to understand that.

One of mine never even changes his clothes to go to bed. It takes one of his good-grief-he's-having-a-bath baths for me to grab the opportunity to ring the changes with the T-shirt already. (and that's not a child with special needs, that one!)

<slatternly home educator>

lisad123 Wed 21-Sep-11 19:30:37

Mine don't change outbox uniform into normal clothes, I don't fancy more washing!! Dd1 normally gets into her pjs if she wants to change and dd2 gets naked blush
Their uniform is hard wearing enough to stand it and cheap enough to replace.

teamtwilight Wed 21-Sep-11 19:43:55

Yes I agree the uniform is hard wearing and trousers are very cheap. It was just the cost of the logo sweatshirt. But I will try the idea of just taking off the sweatshirt.

I guess I didn't fancy washing his uniform every night but if I have 5 sets ready at the weekend then there is no need to change and therefore no battle over it.

If I stop and ask myself is it REALLY worth the battle then my answer is NO. It is difficult to get the balance right between being too hard on him and just letting everything go.

insanityscatching Wed 21-Sep-11 20:03:33

I think I probably had an advantage in so far as ds had extreme challenging behaviour so I quickly learnt which things I should address and which things I could learn to live with.
So I battled over hitting, spitting, throwing missiles at me and peeing wherever he chose but I let go the fact he was generally naked,he hardly sleeps and his diet is seriously restricted.

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