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just lost it with DD1 (sorry long post)

(10 Posts)
daireen Sun 18-Sep-11 12:23:06

Hi all,

Currently sitting in my bedroom crying after losing patience with DD1. I know the AS means things have to be 'right' but it life isn't like that. Yesterday took her on a trip to a museum that she has wanted to go to for ages. But it wasn't what she was expecting, so depite the fact that it took us 2 hours to drive the 100 miles there, after 10 mins she hated it and wanted to leave.

Today, the project we are working on (connected to her obession for trains) which we have spent hours on (and quite a lot of cash) doesn't fit the 'plan'. Given her dyspraxia and my rubbishness at crafts it was never going to be perfect and I did explain this at the start. She has just trashed the whole thing, and a coffee table that got in the way. I just lost my temper and shouted at her and now she is rocking back and forth with her hands over her ears, and I feel guilty.

I know why she gets like this, and I don't expect miracles, but it just feels that whatever I try to do just makes her worse. If I didn't try she would just spend all the time she wasn't at school in her room on her laptop. Should I just leave her to it? She's in MS and whist academically ok, rarely speaks to anyone apart from answering questions in class. Outside of school, she sees no one but me unless I force her and even then rarely talks to anyone else. When younger I used to arrange playdates and take her to out of school activities, but now she's a teenager it is much more difficult.

ChippingIn Sun 18-Sep-11 12:30:10

Big Hugs x

Are you a lone parent with DD?

You are doing an amazing job of raising your DD, you are doing your best - you cannot do any more.

Everyone loses it sometimes - it's not at all suprising you have.

Having a child with SNs unfortunately doesn't give you superhuman powers to be perfect at all times & endlessly patient... it bloody should, it's the least you deserve x

My cousin's son does spend a lot of time on his computer - he's happy. My cousin does a lot of 'stuff' with him too, but it's bloody hard work when they are teenagers and you just have to do your best. Being on her computer will not hurt her at all, if she's happy to do that.

daireen Sun 18-Sep-11 13:09:35

Thanks for your support.

Yes I'm on my own and DD has no contact with my ex and my older DC have left home so it is just the two of us. No family near by at all, so it is me or nothing....

StarlightMcKenzie Sun 18-Sep-11 13:19:06


I think we all know how unrewarding it is to parent a child with ASD. You try really hard to give them new experiences. You plan endlessly to make it go smoothly, and if often backfires, but please have a break, treat yourself and just carry on what you are doing. You're doing a fabulous job and some things will get through. Perhaps not as fast as you would like, or the way that you would like always but you're doing all the right things, and it is bloody HARD when there is no sign of appreciation nor a sign of immediate gains.

StarlightMcKenzie Sun 18-Sep-11 13:20:03

'I think we all know how hard it is to parent a child with ASD'

Good grief - sorry for my first patronising line. I didn't mean it to sound like that at all. Not everyone has a child with ASD for one thing.

TalesOfTheUnexpected Sun 18-Sep-11 16:55:54

daireen I can really sympathise. I hope you feel a little better now. We all lose our patience with our children, whether they have SN or not.

It must have been so disappointing to have spent time and energy doing something you thought (and were told) your child was interested in, only to have it fall flat on it's face. But you maybe right in thinking, don't take the option of letting her be on the computer all the time. You have to try things, and you are doing, and it's a bloody hard and thankless task sometimes.

I have 3 children. Lone parent. My 'worst' SN son will mither and mither and mither for something. I'll then do it/buy it, etc and he'll tell me "it's not right" and trash it. It can be really heartbreaking and I do and have shouted.

Don't beat yourself up too much. You're doing your best. It's hard.

nenevomito Sun 18-Sep-11 17:04:10

Oh goodness I can sympathise. I've lost it with my DS who has AS before and felt so guilty afterwards.

I hope you're feeling better now. Its hard work being a parent, especially when its to one who's working to a different beat than you.

It sounds like you're doing a wonderful job.

GossipWitch Sun 18-Sep-11 18:07:13

Oh Op, I have a possibly AS son he's absolute murder sometimes (he's rolling himself up in a rug at the mo) and I'm always doing and saying something I regret, I have no answer's for you but I can sympathise.

Don't beat yourself up about it, your doing great (and obviously have the patience of a saint).

daireen Sun 18-Sep-11 18:20:20

Thanks for your messages, feeling a bit better now. Have manged to get DD to calm down as well. I was hoping that as she got older it would be a bit easier, but it has not happened yet, but here's hoping.....

lisad123 Sun 18-Sep-11 18:31:08

If your within driving distance of herts, we have a girls Asd social group that meet often which has kept me sane over last two years!

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