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So, I'm in the playground and another parent says...

(10 Posts)
swanriver Fri 16-Sep-11 16:46:13

"Your child attacked mine yesterday". My son has HFA, just diagnosed. He has playground problems.

I felt like crying afterwards. The other Dad was just so astonished at my child's behaviour. The random acts of revenge on yr 4's, (he's in year 5) are impossible to police. He says they are all mean to him and he's paying them back. This is just the tip of the iceberg as far as socialising is going. Badly.

Should I apologise profusely to everyone I meet, all the time, or just keep him away from school gate/park completely. I feel like rushing home and just hiding.

Today in icecream queue he was so bad, shouting, grabbing people I had to remove him, and leave dd (his twin sister) to buy the lollies.

Dh's says it is the school's problem as they have created the stress that is causing him to attack people. But I know it is not just happening in school. Also on holiday.

IndigoBell Fri 16-Sep-11 17:12:36

If it happens at school, it needs to be addressed at school.

He needs to be far, far better supervised at break time. Either by a TA, or in some kind of a 'lunchtime club'.

That's what they have for kids in my school who need it. A lovely lunchtime club where they practise social skills etc - and do creative stuff in a classroom.

I would make an appt with the SENCO to make sure this happens.

Apart from that, I'd always apologise to the parent. Explain he has HFA and you and school are working together to help him, and you agree it is unacceptable, and you will address it straight away with school. Also make sure you know who they and their child is, so that school can't deny it happened.......

Outside of school you need to manage it as best as you can. Which I'm sure you are.

lisad123 Fri 16-Sep-11 17:22:05

do say sorry, it always helps, but get school to out things in place to help manage his behaviour at school. Im guessing if his only just been dx'ed school havent put in much input sad

swanriver Fri 16-Sep-11 17:27:02

Thanks Indigo. It happened outside school hours, but to a person from school I have had pleasant though fleeting conversations with in past. I think I was on the phone to eldest son's secondary school sorting out some problem there (2nd week of High School) when attack happened - he was coming out of his piano lesson and attacked (shoved him against wall)the child who was going in. I didn't notice, as so preoocupied with the phone call, so it was my fault, so of course I apologised profusely today....just, just the reality is sinking that I need to be on my guard constantly, and apologise constantly...
and it is a depressing thought...

Ds2 usually comes out of piano in a chipper mood, and he was no different this time, just that particular child (who had done nothing wrong, even in playground) was a target for his sudden aggression. Perhaps the mere fact of me being on phone was enough to trigger random act of violence, who knows ds2's sensitivities?

The violent part of Ds2's nature seems to be getting worse as he gets older, he seems to be having more and more rages, and what's worse these timed assaults, where he doesn't even look particularily bothered, just calculated sad

swanriver Fri 16-Sep-11 17:29:07

But after talking to DH I agree with you that I need to insist with SENCO that he is taken out of playground at lunchtime as it is creating problems to have him there.

bialystockandbloom Fri 16-Sep-11 17:29:57

Agree, he absolutely must have support/supervision in the playground. His behaviour at school must be dealt with by the school (regardless of what's happening at home, which sounds like you need help with too)

Is he on SA/SA+? Statement?

It's not fair that you are having to explain yourself/ds to other parents. He (and the other children) need adequate support to stop this happening.

Just post-dx is such a hard time - I'm sorry sad

Don't apologise or hide yourselves away. No, don't keep him away. He has as muhc right to be where he wants as any other child, and the more interaction he has, the better. But it is hard - this was my reaction at times too - so much easier to hide away.

Sorry have to be very brief but will try and come back.

swanriver Fri 16-Sep-11 17:44:39

thank you Bialy - I think just a bit of getting things off my chest has helped too..

I've rung an acquaintance whose much older child was diagnosed with autism much younger [ifysim] and went through same school, and hope next week I can have a chat with her. She's very calm and has 4 kids, so I bet she'll have good advice about day to day stuff like this.

swanriver Fri 16-Sep-11 17:45:37

no just IEP, and no statement so far. Didn't really cause much trouble till year 3/4.

AttilaTheMeerkat Fri 16-Sep-11 18:28:26

Guess school have not put in any imput at all. Your son needs far more than an IEP (which are often not worth the paper they are printed on).

Post dx is an awful time and you all as a family need support. Would agree with Bialy, hiding yourselves away helps no-one.

Agnesdipesto Fri 16-Sep-11 18:33:02

Our school has a policy that all incidents in and out of school between pupils go through school and parents are asked not to approach other parents directly. Obviously they don't mean if you have a child round to play and they fall out, you have to ring school! But anything serious. So I would talk to school and they can put something in the newsletter or whatever you have to remind parents that any incidents should be reported to school for school to deal with not by one parent directly approaching another.

Some people on here have had other parents come to their door and threaten them if their child has hit another child, so its a good policy in my book. And also makes the parent of the victim in the wrong for taking matters into their own hands. Sounds like the Dad was not necessarily having a go at you, but another parent could very easily.

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