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"Please I hide in your handbag so my teachers don't tell me off?"

(14 Posts)
Lougle Fri 16-Sep-11 16:14:45

Poor, poor DD sad

School are great, btw - no problem there.

We have a system to try and tackle home behaviour. Each morning I either draw a 'happy smile' or a 'sad face' in her book. Last night, she was quite awful to our Homestart Volunteer, so I told her she was going to get a sad face.

She begged, she cried, she told me she was too poorly for school. She woke in the night, saying that she couldn't possibly go to school or kids club (which she adores).

This morning, she wouldn't eat breakfast, and asked to hide in my handbag so that the teachers didn't see her sad.

School were fantastic (SS) tried to work out what the antecedant to the behaviour was. Looking at possibly hunger (they wonder if she isn't able to communicate her hunger, and by the time she kicks off she is past it). Also wondering if she is overwhelmed by attention when she gets in - 2 younger sisters, Mum, someone helping Mum (and it will be 3 different people each week).

They also said they would try and get some food into her as soon as I left, which made me want to kiss them.

But, still, it's a bit desperate when you want to hide in your Mum's handbag, isn't it? sad

StarlightMcKenzie Fri 16-Sep-11 16:30:26

Oh Lougle that must have been really tough, and I know that this isn't exactly fantastic news, but knowing what I do about my ds, I can't help but being impressed by her ability to express herself and her emotions.

Still, it's a really hard thing to tackle behaviour, especially when it upsets our children.

Do you think it might have worked? Do you think that you might be able to simply suggest that she was heading for a sad face to stop her in her tracks?

Also, is there anyway that she can earn back her happy face before she gets to school, or is it set for the next day when it is given?

Lougle Fri 16-Sep-11 16:41:29

I don't think it has worked, yet. What I mean is, that she is simply upset at the idea of her teachers being cross. She doesn't seem to link it with her actions in more than an abstract, philosophical way. "I kicked x didn't I?" but no "I'm sorry I kicked x" just "Don't give me sad face!!!"

I did give her 3 warnings that she was heading for a sad face, but when she is 'in the zone' it's like she disappears and another child is there.

Generally, if she has earned a 'cumulative sad face' ie. lots of low-level stuff that adds up to tipping the balance, then yes, she can revert it by lots of excellent behaviour.

However (she has only had 2 sad faces since starting the scheme) I do think that kicking your HS Volunteer, ruining a game that your sisters and HS Volunteer are playing, etc., has to be 'marked'.

I just didn't expect her to react so strongly to it. She has never responded to any methods before, she normally absorbs it and thinks 'meh'.

Whether she will get used to the sad face, and that too will be absorbed, will remain to be seen, I suppose.

unpa1dcar3r Fri 16-Sep-11 16:59:48

Oh Bless her Lougle. The threat of a sad face n teachers finding out obviously scare the poo out of her!

When my youngest DS was being particularly awful few yrs back his gorgeous teacher came round; we knew but he didn't know she was coming. The idea was to show him that the school and I work together, to try n show him that his behaviour at home would reflect at school too type thing. To say he was gobsmacked was an understatement when she turned up haha.
Would something like this help with your DD?

Mind you, my older daughter (20) who has nothing wrong with her really (apart from selfish-itus) used to come home and throw up if a teacher told her off and would've reacted much the same way as your daughter!

StarlightMcKenzie Fri 16-Sep-11 17:21:31

What did her teachers actually do about it?

Oh, my heart bleeds for the poor lass. I hope you figure out something that works that is strong enough to impact but doesn't cause distress. Perhaps this is it when she gets used to it, who knows. You certainly can't do nothing.

Lougle Fri 16-Sep-11 22:41:11

Well, they decided that she had been punished enough by her own reaction, so didn't tell her off. At the same time, they didn't shower her with sympathy, but looked for opportunities to praise her later in the day.

She came home happy, saying 'MUM, Mum, I a good girl nooow'

StarlightMcKenzie Sat 17-Sep-11 08:03:36

Ah good. They sound fab.

Sounds like she's taken it in then. Hope it has worked.

Becaroooo Sat 17-Sep-11 08:30:03

They sound very good lougle but that must have been hard for you sad

justaboutstillhere Sat 17-Sep-11 08:49:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

davidsotherhalf Sat 17-Sep-11 09:06:17

have you tried visual aids with the sad face and happy face? keep two pictures in your pocket and show her the picture to match the behaviour, if she gets a set ammount of sad faces in the day she gets a sad face in her book.

Lougle Sat 17-Sep-11 19:38:41

We do have sad and happy face pictures, davids. We are working on the 'big stuff' right now, so I tend to ignore low level disruption and skirmishes, but sad face for hitting, pinching or kicking.

justaboutstillhere Sat 17-Sep-11 20:33:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lougle Sat 17-Sep-11 21:13:00

She was fine, thanks Justa. She was fine when she came home from school, too. This is what's so hard to decipher. How distraught is she? Or is it just another area of disorder?(the extreme emotions/ no emotions thing)

justaboutstillhere Sun 18-Sep-11 08:13:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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