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Ds has just told me

(31 Posts)
Claw3 Thu 15-Sep-11 10:12:06

Ds has just told me a 'teacher' he had never met before took him into a room and asked him to write down all the things that he worries about. She then told him that 'he worries about too many things'

Are school supposed to tell me if they plan to assess him?

Im assuming this was an outside agency, as he knows his class teacher, TA, SENCO etc.

I am also assuming that playing the tit for tat game and trying to find fault with me, as i have been writing notes in his home/school book everytime ds expresses to me what he is anxious about (gathering evidence for SA).

wasuup3000 Thu 15-Sep-11 10:27:12

Ring them and ask them if he was assessed and i f so by whom?

silverfrog Thu 15-Sep-11 10:51:48

ask them:

if he was assessed (day, time, date - which room he went into etc, so they can't wriggle out by saying he made it up)
by whom
for what purpose
for a copy of what he wrote
for their thoughts on what he wrote

and I'd tell them in no uncertain terms they do not have the right to be doing anyhtign other than standard school things with him without your permission.

IndigoBell Thu 15-Sep-11 10:51:56

I'm fairly sure they have to get your permission to get him seen by an outside agency.

I agree with wasuup, I'd be ringing the school to find out who assessed him, what for, and what the next steps are.....

SparkleRainbow Thu 15-Sep-11 11:47:07

They don't have to get your permission I think, although good mannares would suggest otherwise. I do think they have to let you knowafter the event, and provide you with a copy of any paperwork.

Claw3 Thu 15-Sep-11 12:14:42

I will write a note in his home/school contact book, addressed to SENCO. CAMHS phoned the school yesterday to arrange an appointment to go into school, this sounds like a knee jerk reaction 'oh we better ask him about his worries' If they say 'he made it up' even more ammo for me about how confused he is school.

Asking a child who suffers with severe anxiety to list what he is anxious about is just well, pointless, half the time he doesnt know what causes his anxiety. Ds tells me he told them he worries about 'tsunamis', his kittens falling down the stairs, pretty random kind of things, what the hell do they expect from a kid with autism! No doubt they will try to use this, as ds doesnt have any worries about school.

CAMHS have already told them in writing that his anxieties are caused by his lack of understanding and confusion of the world and interactions. How the hell do they expect a child with communication difficulties to verbalise that.

They have also told school that he expresses his anxieties to me about school, because home is where he feels more relaxed and i am extremely in tune with him, so he feels comfortable telling me. And that worries during the day, are then reflected in ds's restricting his diet and disturbed sleep at home.

They have also told school that ds has expressed his worries, through play therapy and that these involve school and group situations.

He has been having one to one therapy at CAMHS for a year and half, and i think CAMHS have made it pretty clear from the above comments, why he is anxious, dont you?

What are they hoping to gain from writing a list ffs!

Claw3 Thu 15-Sep-11 12:40:51

Should add that ds does get confused, he has not concept of time, he was reminded of 'going into the room and writing a list of worries' because he had a CAMHS appointment today and he goes there for 'worries in his head'

It could have happened yesterday, it could have happened 6 months ago. Just seemed strange that CAMHS phoned yesterday and ds 'remembered' today.

I also worry that i am becoming paranoid, it could have been harmless, but i suspect that school know im building up to applying for a statement again. I also caught them out as i have asked for copies of the non existent targets they relied upon at Tribunal, so they lied basically. Cant help thinking something underhanded is going on.

MangoMonster Thu 15-Sep-11 12:42:53

Not surprised you are annoyed. I personally would be livid if they can do that without permission. Must be so frustrating to not be informed about things like that and to have to hear it from your ds.

Claw3 Thu 15-Sep-11 12:55:39

Mango nothing they do surprises me anymore. Apparently ds cannot be relied upon as a source of reliable information, as he ASD and gets confused. My arguement is then to give him some help, follow some recommendations and he wont get confused. School then revert back to he is 'managing well in school, no problems'

wasuup3000 Thu 15-Sep-11 12:57:32

What I get with my dd who is 12 is that she has percieved things/situation/what people meant differently from what/who/how/when actually happened. Kop out eh?

Claw3 Thu 15-Sep-11 13:00:41

It most certainly is wassup, until you say give her some help then to enable her to understand situations and what people mean, i suspect that your dd then 'manages well'.

You cant win!

Claw3 Thu 15-Sep-11 13:04:01

Or the old 'we expect this kind of difficulty in ASD children, its common' well if its a 'difficulty', he is NOT bloody managing well then is he ARGH!!

wasuup3000 Thu 15-Sep-11 13:12:24

oh yeah well she always seems fine at school...(because not expressing any kind of emotion or talking at all at school is fine)

MangoMonster Thu 15-Sep-11 13:16:45

It saddens me that the system obviously isn't working for so many children. Really admire all the parents that are trying day in day out to get the right help for their kids. That's why I get so annoyed at remarks about parents not being the best advocate for their child, which are based on nothing. Wish I could offer some practical advise but I have no experience, just wanted to say keep going, don't let them get to you.

Claw3 Thu 15-Sep-11 13:27:55

wassup youve hit the nail on the head, one of ds's targets was to tell a member of staff when he was anxious, on 3 seperate ocassions. He didnt tell a member of staff once, school claimed success, apparently their success criteria had now changed! Not telling a member must = he has no worries. Yeah oooook, he has just had a year 1/2 therapy at CAMHS for the worries that dont exist!

Head and banging it against a brick wall spring to mind.

wasuup3000 Thu 15-Sep-11 13:30:48


Claw3 Thu 15-Sep-11 13:30:54

Thank you Mango smile

wasuup3000 Thu 15-Sep-11 13:33:00

Yes Thanks Mango x

Claw3 Thu 15-Sep-11 13:35:40

I have a mountain of paper work in front of me to make sense of, which i better get on with. Thanks guys, for your comments and support, im out of here smile

plumtart Thu 15-Sep-11 13:43:52

is this not a way for the school to say that they are achieving the goal of your ds telling them his worries?

Claw3 Thu 15-Sep-11 16:24:04

If it is Plumtart, they have not understood the purpose of the goals. Ds is supposed to tell an adult WHEN he is anxious. For example during PE, if he feels uncomfortable with the movements, he is supposed to raise his hand and say so, instead of hiding his PE kit to try and get of doing PE, not being able to sleep the night before worrying about it, not eating in school worrying about it, not wanting to go to school the morning he has PE and feeling sick, literally with worry.

Asking ds if he was worried during PE would make perfect sense, as he is incapable of speaking up. Asking ds at other times during the day, again would make perfect sense. Asking ds to go to a room and list his worries as a one off, because CAMHS are coming into school, its well totally pointless.

Mouseface Thu 15-Sep-11 17:16:46

I'm disgusted that they have done this without informing you that they had planned to do so. Plus the fact that they put him in this situation to start with!

Agree with what others have said, especially Silverfrog about the list of questions for them.

It's a bit odd just to spring it on him??

plumtart Thu 15-Sep-11 21:14:49

exactly claw but I do wonder if that is what they think they are doing - get on their case on Monday!!!

Agnesdipesto Thu 15-Sep-11 22:21:28

Do you think they are going to record it as him spontaneously telling them his worries? ie leaving out the fact they prompted him to do it?

Claw3 Fri 16-Sep-11 00:08:13

That could make sense Agnes, i have caught them out telling lies at Tribunal about ds meeting his IEP targets, when his targets remained unevulated and are repeated on the next IEP. Telling a teacher his worries is one of the targets.

They have also failed to write 3 IEP's, so ds is 3 IEP's behind, he hasnt had an IEP since October 2010, im guessing because he still hasnt met his targets.

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