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Is it too selfish? A sort of AIBU>

(28 Posts)
AtYourCervix Wed 14-Sep-11 08:10:49

I'm going away tomorrow for a week (A WHOLE WEEK!!!) without DH or the DDs. I do this every year (or have done for past 4 years).

DD is not dealing with it well this year. She is already stressed about going back to school and although she hasn't said as much I think me going away is upsetting her.

She has refused to go to school this morning (so far - she may give in and I'll drive her).

I need this week away for my sanity. However - is it completely selfish to do it?

MangoMonster Wed 14-Sep-11 08:14:05

Not at all, you need it for your sanity and your family need your sanity. Enjoy smile

silverfrog Wed 14-Sep-11 08:16:04

It's a tough one.

But I think I would go.

what would concern me, is that if you are right, and you going is bothering her, and so you stay - the message this sends is that she can get you to do what she wants; and that, instead of deeloping coping mechanisms herself, she is relying on you "making it all better" - which you cannot do, all the time, forever.

is there a compromise that you can come to? ie go away, but call her every day at a set time to go through her day/talk about anything that has bothered her? is skype a possibility?

if you did stay, hypothetically, what woudl you be doing for her that her dad, or her sister cannot do? why would she be happier if it was you, rather than them?

has she been upset over it in previous years? how did she/you/your dh and other dd cope with that?

sorry, lots of questions, but the anwer to how to deal with this may lie in the answers to those questions.

AtYourCervix Wed 14-Sep-11 08:22:49

I could compromise - Don't have to stay the whole week and won't if she is being difficult. I will ring everyday. She has been absolutely fine the past few years once I've gone.

There is nothing I'd be doing that DH, DD1 or Grannies won't be.

It's like going to the dentist - the thought of it is always worse than the actual doing.

It's just bad timing because it coincides with the back to school crap. And yes - I don't want to give her the connection between her being difficult and me cancelling my plans.

silverfrog Wed 14-Sep-11 08:26:18

equally, thoguh, you need to consider - if you go, and come back early because she is not coping, same message is given. so any compromise needs to be agreed before you go, rather than "in the moment" once you are away, iyswim?

AtYourCervix Wed 14-Sep-11 08:27:42


unpa1dcar3r Wed 14-Sep-11 08:34:55

Go Cervix. Enjoy and forget about home for a few days...I'm quite sure you're in laws etc will manage quite well and so will your DD once you've gone.
Lucky u! Embrace it.

intothewest Wed 14-Sep-11 08:37:02

I went away this summer for 3 nights(with older DD,but she had her friends and I had mine) It was 3 days of no stress,no caring duties and a lot of laughing- It made me realise there is still a 'me'

Your DD WILL be o.k- She will have people around who love and care for her-
and when you come back you will be less stressed.

I know it will be hard to leave her,but I would go-(I am doing the same again next year)Good luck

....Oh and if you do go,don't spend the whole time worrying or there will be no point smile

justaboutstillhere Wed 14-Sep-11 08:40:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IndigoBell Wed 14-Sep-11 09:46:38


Your DD will cope far better than you imagine.

Like all those kids who cry when being dropped off at nursery, cry when their parents pick them up - and are absolutely fine in between.

And if she isn't fine - it's a good growth experience for her. She is old enough now to start taking some responsibility for herself (She's 13 isn't she?). She needs to gain some independence. You can't be there for her forever - because it's not good for her.

Plus of course if you don't have enough charge in your batteries, you can' be there for here the rest of the year......

AtYourCervix Wed 14-Sep-11 10:07:14

I am packing. She is in bed with the dog. Oh the guilt!

Have managed to wangle out of her an issue with her science teacher. She has decided she won't be going to school the days the have science hmm

chocjunkie Wed 14-Sep-11 10:22:04

enjoy your week off grin

Davros Wed 14-Sep-11 10:24:57

GO! If its a problem then maybe rethink next year

MrsDanverclone Wed 14-Sep-11 10:36:00

Have a great time away. This break away will help recharge your batteries, so that you can deal with all the day to day stuff in a positive manner. Enjoy!smile

signandsmile Wed 14-Sep-11 12:29:23

I would say go... (I am off in Oct, for 4 nights) I did it last 2 years and it was amazing, just to be alone, it was lovely...

(had to do all the arranging of care, support and transport for ds and dh, preparing of meals, ringing home each day, and did come back early first time as ds was ill and dh was concerned) but def def worth it...

cornsylk Wed 14-Sep-11 12:51:28

go - have a lovely time smile

StarlightMcKenzie Wed 14-Sep-11 12:56:26

Oh go go go.........

Can I come with?

Chundle Wed 14-Sep-11 13:52:57

Oh goodness go I wish I could have a week away... Hmm now that's a thought...

Becaroooo Wed 14-Sep-11 14:12:33

For the love of god, woman, GO!!!!

<<not at all jealous!!>>

Seriously, if she has been ok before she will be ok now. Its not great timing wrt going back to school etc but with dc there is always something!

Have a good time

effiegrey2 Wed 14-Sep-11 14:40:50

Go, and go quickly before you have to take the whole of mumsnet with you.

LeninGrad Wed 14-Sep-11 14:43:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AtYourCervix Thu 15-Sep-11 08:12:23

I am wibbling. DD is wibbling (and ranting). So torn between wanting to stay home and hide from the wold with DD and wanting to run away as fast as I can.

Ben10WasTheSpawnNowWeLoveLego Thu 15-Sep-11 08:19:03


silverfrog Thu 15-Sep-11 08:22:49

Run! Quick, while you still can wink

Seriously. Go, and switch off as much as you can. This is what this break is for. As a PP said - if you don't get this break, you will not be as much use to her anyway over the next few months, as you will not have had a chance to recharge.

It is hard. But it is worth it - both for you to have a break, and to prove to your dd she can manage without you.

I have only done it once for any length of time - 3 nights away at a conference last year. dh was also away for 2 of those nights, and the girls (then 6 and 3) were looked after by a new nanny - she had only been with us for 3 weeks! Unsettled was not the word (me, not them!).

BUt they lived, and enjoyed themselves, and it was all ok (dd1 usually has to be surgically removed from me, such is her dependence). And despite the worry I had (and the constant obsessive phone checking), it was a good break for me too. Just being away makes all the difference, even if you do take a proportion of the stress with you!

StarlightMcKenzie Thu 15-Sep-11 08:30:20

Get your bottom out of the door.

What is the worse that can happen? Do you trust your DP?
What does your DP say?

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