Dd3 being kissed at school !!

[differentnametwo]

Sorry ladies but I have name changed for this but those on SN do know me.

What can I say, Dd3 is nearly 9 and being assessed for ASD. She has made really good friends with another SN child [a boy].

She is very fond of him. Today she told me that he has been kissing her.

I know its not crime of the century but she doesn't know anything about personal space and what is acceptable and what isn't.

I don't know if I should just leave it and see if it happens again or if I should go in and mention it to the SENCO.

Any thoughts anyone. .

[purplepidjin]

I would mention it to the senco so that they can start working on personal boundaries. I've worked with older children who struggled with this and would say it's best to have clear rules in place - as with everything with asd!

If it helps:
Hugs are ok as long as it's to say hello, goodbye or because the person is upset. Always ask first. Count 3 from the start to the end.

Personal space is roughly the length of your outstretched arm. If your elbow is bent, you're too close.

How is your dd at role play? It's a fantastic game to play at home if she understands the concept - she plays the part of her and, if she can, pretends you're the friend. Or a shopkeeper, another girl she wants to play with in the park, etc

[differentnametwo]

Thanx for the fast response purple... I agree that someone needs to do some work with her!!.

Its strange because she never normally likes to be touched by other children so I know she must really like him.

I like the arms length idea for personal space, I will try to encourage that.

I don't think she would go for the role play idea but I will give it some thought.

Thanx again.

[purplepidjin]

Don't forget, he'll need to learn the "rules" too. And some structured work in school either with both or the whole class would be good for everyone I'd think

Although that depends on how supportive the school is...

[differentnametwo]

Great school, very inclusive and the SENCO runs little groups, so I am sure she could set something up based around personal space and inappropriate touching too!!

[differentnametwo]

I suppose what I wanted to know was , if anyone one thought I was being OTT to go in to school about this?

[purplepidjin]

I don't, if that helps. I've worked with teens with ASD and it's a huge issue. Once they get to secondary/puberty, it becomes a fine line into sexual harrassment allegations. A quiet explanation age 9 would go a long way to preventing that kind of hassle ime

[differentnametwo]

Thanx purple.. its good to have someone who knows what could happen if we don't teach Dd3 about this.

I will pop into school tomorrow I think.

[Chundle]

I would def deal with this now my dd has ADHD and is suspect AS as well. We didn't mention kissing to the school when it happened and it escalated to inappropriate touching and I got read the riot act by the school all about safeguarding children etc etc like it was my fault so yes I would get it dealt with x

[purplepidjin]

She does need to know where the boundaries are. People with ASD's, particularly teens desperate to fit in with their peers, can be extremely easily led by so-called friends who lead them into trouble.

NOT that she's going to get into trouble, just that it's worth the effort now iyswim...

[differentnametwo]

Just a quick update..

I decided to have a chat with Dd3 about the kissing today.

I said "Did xxxx try to kiss you again at school today?"
She said "No"

I said "Oh thats good becasue I don't think you should be kissing each other at school"
She said "Oh Ok, but he only kisses my hand"

LOL, I am soo glad I didn't go in to school before I had spoken to her properly, it is sooo her, we are only allowed to kiss her on the cheek or head so I should have known that she would only let a school friend kiss her hand!!

I am sure she thinks she is royalty.

[purplepidjinawoollytangle]

Aw bless! That's fantastic that she's able to set boundaries - I know many many NT folk who struggle with that

[Chundle]

Haha that's funny bless her but glad you got it sorted with her