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Coping levels and going to Defcon 4

(21 Posts)
Triggles Sun 11-Sep-11 18:20:32

I am fast becoming tired of having to say to DH "please stop going over the top at every little thing and making it a confrontation." hmm Is it a guy thing? Honestly? He looks at every meltdown, every shout, every reaction from DS2 as a direct act of defiance.

This afternoon he started shouting because DS2 was disassembling markers at the table, when they were colouring with them. (Yes, the colouring was my idea - some days I feel like I have to tie the proverbial pork chop around the boys' necks to get DH to spend time with them) So I pointed out calmly to DS2 that if he took the marker apart, he couldn't use it anymore. Problem solved. How hard is that, really?

I truly hate having these ongoing pissing matches in the house.....

sazale Sun 11-Sep-11 18:45:43

That sounds like my house!! It's driving me insane!!

Triggles Sun 11-Sep-11 19:30:33

Doesn't it just make you think "why does he need to make it such a battle?" DH, I mean. He was getting all aggravated because the boys would have coloured marker marks on their fingers. So what? Don't most children?! grin

BabeRuthless Sun 11-Sep-11 19:36:20

God, I could have started this thread myself tonight. Big problem in our house is dp making totally unrealistic threats. This afternoon when I was trying to get ds to do his homework it was "Do it, or you're going up to bed" which I had to put the mockers on straight away. He also tells ds if he doesn't behave his toys are going back to the shop. Another problem is they rough and tumble all the time then dp complains when ds takes it too far. And another one is walking away when ds plays up, leaving me to deal with it.

Sorry for the hijack <takes deep breath> Rant over.

Triggles Sun 11-Sep-11 19:42:35

BabeRuthless - we have identical households then. The exact same stuff happens here. And then I have to deal with the fallout - DH in a rotten mood, and DS2 upset and going into meltdown.

BabeRuthless Sun 11-Sep-11 19:56:49

I think this is proof enough - it is a man thing.

Triggles Sun 11-Sep-11 20:04:52

I rather suspected it was. It's right up there with farting, scratching their bum, and not asking for directions. grin

sazale Sun 11-Sep-11 22:09:35

It's as if he's got to win at all costs!!! I think he's having difficulty understanding that it's not always defiance or naughtiness but that there's generally a reason for what she's doing! The fact that we don't have a diagnosis so have had no support or advice doesn't help with the change of mindset either as well as her being defiant to whoever she perceives as being in charge so he gets the nasty comments and defiant behaviour more than I do and I think he takes it personally confused

WilsonFrickett Sun 11-Sep-11 22:12:37

What are you all doing with my DH??? Neither wonder he's tired and grumpy, he's got about 8 double lives going on grin

sazale Sun 11-Sep-11 22:24:51

Ha ha that made me chuckle grin

BabeRuthless Sun 11-Sep-11 22:30:09

The mad thing is that he's the one who went on the parenting course cos I had to work! Think I might get the folder out & leave it lying round as a hint.

Best bit was tonight when I was giving ds his bath & he kept dropping his toys over the side. Said to him "you do that again & I'm not getting it back". The inevitable happens & I'm thinking 'ok, I'm following through on this' then in saunters dp & gives the toy back to ds with a "there you go mate". And he wonders why ds takes turns asking us for stuff when he gets a 'no'

raspberryroop Mon 12-Sep-11 00:43:42

So identify with this thread. I hate the'' if you do that again I'll ground you till your 35 threats ''

Triggles Mon 12-Sep-11 01:34:07

I personally do this hmm at DH saying "I'm not going to tell you again!!" repeatedly. grin Effective? um... nope. For fairly obvious reasons.

BabeRuthless Mon 12-Sep-11 07:45:49

Triggles we'd be a really bad episode of Wife Swap because both houses would be exactly the same grin

WilsonFrickett Mon 12-Sep-11 09:32:02

And of course, the minute you say 'em, DH, not sure if grounding him till he's 40 and putting the ipad in the bin is really the answer' then you're not backing DH up. GAH! grin

Triggles Mon 12-Sep-11 11:58:12

hahahahahahaha Oh God yes WilsonFrickett! That's usually his follow up when I say "um, that's not going to work"... It's one of these:

"Why can't you ever back me up?"
"Fine, then YOU discipline him..."
"I'm not going to have him defying me all the time..."


auntyfash Mon 12-Sep-11 14:29:45

It's the same in this house too! Must deffo be a man thing.

WilsonFrickett Mon 12-Sep-11 14:38:59

Oh yes Triggles. Oh yes indeed. <shakes head in a wise, yet weary fashion>

Triggles Mon 12-Sep-11 19:17:08

Some days I can hear the whole "thunderdome" thing going on ... two enter, only one can leave... sigh...

I'm buying a black/white ref shirt and getting a whistle to carry...

WilsonFrickett Mon 12-Sep-11 21:16:26

Love it triggles, do you have a Tina Turner wig for such occasions grin

Triggles Mon 12-Sep-11 21:21:42

grin I can see DH's face now if I did. shock

At least he'd be speechless for a few moments! grin

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