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Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on SN.

Advice please, trying to get help for DD.

(14 Posts)
Vallhala Thu 08-Sep-11 12:39:00

Not sure where I should have posted my questions so please can you have a look here -

Thank you.

StarlightMcKenzie Thu 08-Sep-11 12:41:05

Hi Vallhala,

Generally, even though it isn't called that here, you'll get more help on this board simply because it is more active.

IndigoBell Thu 08-Sep-11 13:03:27

I would def tell the school that you are doing it - not ask. Maybe say

"Just letting you know that I'm applying for a statement as I have been advised to by XYZ at (her prev school?)."

When you send the first letter, the LEA then contact the school and you and ask you to submit everything relevant. And you have a few more weeks to do that in.

I think you need to submit something from the GP, but you can either do it initially, or with the second lot of things.

But what will carry the real weight is an EP requesting it - not a GP.

Also look at the SEN COP and be clear under what criteria you are requesting a statement.

Good luck!

Vallhala Thu 08-Sep-11 13:28:16

Thank you, that's very helpful. smile

A bit of background:

I tried like buggery to get an EP assessment in DDs first senior school. They promised one for months, then refused to give it, following a catalogue of severe bullying upon DD. I fought for help with that, all they did was deny and tell me that DD was happy in the school (this being a vomiting in fear, crying school refuser who was having nightmares and sleepwalking IF she could sleep at all and who had asked the GP for sleeping pills because she felt that bad).

So, I put in an official complaint, was met with more denials, a subsequent secret meeting between head and SS at Head's request, which I found out about when I asked for school records a few months back and in which the head told several, provable lies about me, and still no EP assessment or meeting.

Moved school, DD bullied and scared shitless, DD either reacted to this OR was genuinely and accidentally put in a position which caused her to be expelled, I don't know which.

DD was subsequently off school for 6 months whilst LA broke several laws on providing her with another, finally I got the place in the school for bullied children - she was there for 2 terms before starting at a new mainstream a couple of days ago. She has done wonderfully BUT there's still a LONG way to go, something is still "not quite right" with her IYSWIM, the issues are still there and she will regress if not helped. She certainly regresses whenever she is under pressure or stress and I see aggressive, destructive behaviour and almost toddler-like meltdowns.

Hope this makes sense... essentially I've tried to get an EP assessment in the past but to no avail.

IndigoBell Thu 08-Sep-11 13:34:35

Well you can pay for one privately if you can afford it.

But for now, just apply. What bit of the SEN COP do you think applies?

I think you will need support from Red Balloon to get this through.

IndigoBell Thu 08-Sep-11 13:45:09

Here's the SEN COP

dolfrog Thu 08-Sep-11 14:07:36


"the issues are still there and she will regress if not helped. She certainly regresses whenever she is under pressure or stress and I see aggressive, destructive behaviour and almost toddler-like meltdowns."

If the issues are still there at the age of 14, then there will be one or more clinically diagnosable underlying causes, of the symptoms you have described. At this age you need to be also considering Life after School and the structured environment the education system provides, say two or three years from now.

So you should be consulting your GP to find ways to identify the underlying causes of the issues you have describe which could continue into adulthood or may be a life long condition.

So you should really persue all line of investigation to get an understanding of the real problems, and to find the correct types of support for both life in the education system, and life in the world outside of the education system or the adult world.

Vallhala Thu 08-Sep-11 14:22:48

I had that open on my laptop already, blimey I'm getting good. grin (Miracle alert!).

My browser is playing silly fools and the pages of that document keep flying up and down and getting lost but, going on what I can see before I lose it again, essentially DD needs almost all of that, if not all, described in 7:60 (emotional/behavioural) as well as assistance with spelling and with an extremely slow writing speed. That latter I want addressed and not just with a suggestion from school that she has extra time in exams or uses a laptop rather than a pen... if that was the ONLY way to do it, sure I'd go for it, but she's an intellectually capable child and can do without those things but instead learn the writing skills which most of us take for granted so I feel that it would be wrong for the school to fob her off with anything less. Unless, of course, she has some form of literacy disorder, in which case all the more reason for assessment and help.

Academically she is above average, her writing speed and spelling a reflection of the problems and absences from school I suspect and me HE-ing on occasion where I concentrated on learning by conversation and experience rather than writing it all down.

Emotionally she is exceptionally immature. That's a big hurdle for a start - people think, upon meeting her, that she's fine because she's articulate, well versed in lots of areas but they don't always immediately see the emotional immaturity, the lack of awareness of others' feelings, the dislike of change, the meltdowns and aggressive destruction which I see and deal with.

A couple of examples - friend speaking of her grandfather, "He drank rather a lot". DD, at 14.8 years old and with all the innocence of a 5 year old, "I bet he was a really nasty person". shock blush

No social empathy or tact!

Recent family problems and a change in our lives have resulted in her playing like a small child in the bathroom, mixing shampoo and bubble bath and leaving a god awful mess like a much younger child (a common response to stress, that one or behaviour very similar to it). She doesn't sleep until 12, 1, 2am, wakes in the night, comes downstairs constantly. She's taken to stealing money/possessions from me again.

Greets other kids by jumping on their backs, despite being told not to so many times I've lost count and despite being told to sod off by annoyed other kids. She has no conception of "personal space" and can't read many non-verbal signals. Most of her friends are far younger than her as a result, her own age just don't "get" her.

Her understanding of others, her ability to see things through their eyes, her tact...... it's just not there.

IndigoBell Thu 08-Sep-11 14:26:50

Is there any way she might have Aspergers or something like that?

I totally agree with you wanting them to teach your child rather than fob it off with extra time......

Vallhala Thu 08-Sep-11 14:39:27

dolfrog. there is apparently little the GP can do. He raised it all with the LA children's team when she had just left her last mainstream school and prior to going to Red Balloon, in one of their monthly general catch ups but as she was no longer at that state school there was nothing they could do and of course besides, that's just referring it back to a non medical/non psychological person in the LA.

The other suggestion is CAHMS which DD flatly refuses to attend. "I'm not mad!"

Yes, I know, I know...

I've tried all sorts, bribery, threats, straight talking, you name it, CAHMS is a non-starter.

dolfrog Thu 08-Sep-11 14:43:22


From the list of issues you have mentioned there could be one or more underlying sensory information processing problems, which could be causing her language processing issues.
"but she's an intellectually capable child and can do without those things but instead learn the writing skills which most of us take for granted"
IQ and being able to read, write, and spell are directly linked, but are separate issues. I can type as you can see, but my writing and spelling are terrible, and a spell checker does help.
There are three cognitive subtypes of the dyslexic symptom Auditory Visual and Attentional. So if your DD has a dyslexic symptom, then it could be causes by an auditory processing disorder (listening disability) a visual processing disorder, an attention disorder, or any combination of the three.

dolfrog Thu 08-Sep-11 14:46:02

Correction my own APD getting in the way.

"IQ and being able to read, write, and spell are directly linked, but are separate issues"

should be

IQ and being able to read, write, and spell are NOT directly linked, but are separate issues

dolfrog Thu 08-Sep-11 14:59:22


"The other suggestion is CAHMS which DD flatly refuses to attend. "I'm not mad!""

This typical teenager, the felling that she needs not to be treated as a child more and adult, and requires a more detailed explanation of the possible underlying causes, which take the issues out of what she and some of her peers may presume to understanding to "being mad"

The issues you describe indicate that your DD may be in need of some level of life time care, which is an issue the GP is responsible for, so may be your GP is passing his responsibilities on to the school, which is not able to provide the clinical referrals your DD may need for say auditory processing, or visual processing or attention disorder assessments, which are medical issues which can cause communication and learning difficulties in the school, home, working and social environments.

The School and education system is the short term problem, but the long term, or life long problems remain with your GP.

Vallhala Thu 08-Sep-11 15:41:27

Thank you dolfrog, I'll make another appointment with my GP.

Whether, when it comes to it, DD will cooperate is a different matter. sad

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