I posted this in chat but was told the SN boards might be more useful.
Here is my original OP and a lonk to the thread.
"I may have to change some detail for this. We have just returned from a holiday with SIL and her kids. Youngest is 8. We knew his behaviour was challenging and we have looked after him many times and had lots of contact with him but this is the first time we have witnessed his behaviour over a longer period of time. Here are some examples of what we have been treated to:
Swearing: (Fuck, bitch etc.) Not aimed at us directly but used to strangers in the pool and randomly at other times.
Lying: blatant lies to get himself out of trouble and usually to try to get someone else into trouble (even when it clear he is the only culprit). So convincing that he seems to even believe himself.
Total lack of empathy: Quite happy when someone is hurt, makes a fool of themself, gets told off.
Very quick temper: angry a lot of the time unless totally getting his own way.
Inappropriate: (have to be careful not to out myself here) was physically inappropriate with another child on the holiday (unwanted on the other child's behalf).
I wish I could give more detail but I am frightened of outing myself. I have lots of experience with children and with this child and his siblings and for the first few days I stayed firm but fair with him which usually works (with him). I saw something in him this week which frightened me. He didn't seem to care about anything or anyone as long as he was ok. I have similar age children, as do lots of my friends and I don't think I've ever witnessed such extreme behaviour in any of them. DH and I are frightened for him. We feel he is going down an extremely dangerous path.
He has no friends at school or at home, he is in the nurture group at school for behaviour (he is an average/bright student academically). SIL is lovely but is at her wits end and asks for our input. When we give it she makes excuses or agrees but never carries things through. She never had these issues with the older two but she parented them differently.
We have always tried to support her and we love the kids but, at the moment none of us want to be around him and that is a terrible thing to say but, if she isn't willing to put boundaries in place and try to stop this behaviour, I don't want my children subjected to it.
Do you think this all sounds in the normal range or is it extreme (i know what I think but wonder if others think I'm wrong)
If you had a child like this in your family, how would you handle get-togethers?
Any advice/input gratefully received.
(I have left out huge chunks but there is only so much I can safely say)"
//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/1293611-8-year-old-normal-behaviour-or-serious-issues
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SN children
Worried about behavior of 8 year old.
7 replies
Demiwave · 05/09/2011 20:11
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