OMG, its absolutely FASCINATING this adhd/add etc etc..

[justhe1]

So, my gorgeous lively, funny loud, boystrous, cuddly yummy God son who is 9 has recently been diagnosed with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder.

They are also exploring the possibility that he has autistic traits due to his obsessions and anxieties.

We have always known that there was something...that is , his family.
He has unfortunately suffered what i would describe as "torture" at school up until he changed schools a year ago.

We spend allot of time with them as a family and im not going to lie to you, i struggle with his behaviour...SO i decided its because i need to understand better.
Ive trundled off to the library and got a couple of books written by folk who have it. Its fascinating. It has also made me cry and feel very guilty, however having said that, we have continued seeing them reglarly because actually, we love them loads.
Each author has said that lots of friends have been lost due to behaviours.

We are off on holiday with them soon, i have been losing sleep over this and worrying allot.
What i want to know is, what books would you recommend i read to help us to NOT worry and to learn how to cope when in close quarters?
Also, what is the cause of this? Does any one know?

I can actually relate a bit more than is comfortable with my own childs behaviours with what is described in these books. I have a sneeking suspicion that he too may have a degree of adhd.

Thanks for all advice x

[MangoMonster]

I'd take my cues from his parents, he may have a specific diagnosis but truth is you are not going to learn about him from a text book. Just be open minded and understanding, the good friend that you are being and everything else will fall into place.

[sickofsocalledexperts]

There is some research to suggest ADHD is genetic, and there has also been research linking it with autism. My boy is hyperactive and autistic and I would agree with Justa - offer them a good chunk of time off, completely off, and do something that wears the boy out (swim?) so he is tiredish when you give him back~! But make sure they know that you will really keep an eye on him - I have found in the past that pals and even family members think that looking after my boy = just sitting reading their book, or doing whatever they would normally be doing in their free life, while occasionally glancing up to check on him. It's not like that with my boy, it is exhausting because looking after him means watching his every single move (for possible dangers, which he won't understand) for every single minute of the time you are with him (in my case, that's always). You get no freedom, hence the reason why someone who offers PROPERLY to look after him for a good chunk of time (hour and a half?) is a very good friend indeed. I have lost count of the people who offer to look after my "normal" daughter, who is a doddle, but who go rather quiet on the subject of my exhausting son! You are a good pal to your friend.

[StarlightMcKenzie]

You sound great justhe1.

There is no consolation. Not ever. Not the idea of a potential 'gift' that can set themselves and their parents up for life, not the possibility of DLA, and most certainly not the potential for exist passes at theme parks.

Many of us parents of SN children have to shoulder the burden of the feelings of our well-meaning friends who insist on pointing out the 'bright side' when it makes us feel even more isolated and misunderstood.

BUT, that doesn't mean that the future isn't bright. The more you can discover about the strengths and weaknesses of the child, the more you can put together a programme of learning that will help and give coping strategies, the more you can introduce experiences slowly and in a controlled way that make it manageable for the child to learn the appropriate behaviours, and the more informed you are to make decisions about potential therapies or medication.

hth

[Ineedalife]

You sound like a good friend, I agree with what has already been said especially about taking him out to give his folks a break.

A large field with a ball or a beach when the tide is out where he can run and shout would be perfect.

I have only a couple of friends who will look after Dd3 for me and I try not to use up their goodwill in case of emergencies.

If you are concerned about your own Ds, maybe you and your friend could chat about strategies which help or don't help. Or maybe even try some out while you are away together as a united front.

Above all try to remember that your friends Ds does not behave inappropriatly on purpose. He will be driven and impulsive and that is due to his ADHD.

Good luck and enjoy your holiday