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new baby on way and child with gdd any tips?

(20 Posts)
gemcorey Sun 04-Sep-11 21:16:36

hi my ds is 4 n has gdd i just found out im havn r second and am realy woried on how he will cope n how we will ne 1 else has 2nd or more n have a child with special needs?

pigletmania Sun 04-Sep-11 21:20:45

I am not sure, but will watch this thread with interest as I am 20 weeks pg and my dd 4.5 has developmental delay and autistic traits.

gemcorey Sun 04-Sep-11 21:26:59

r u realy nervous. we wanted another eventualy just werent planin rite now as ds starts school this week n statement still in process. he has autistic traits to bin told o.t will come to see him - mouths things, hand flaps n shakes head though report says has significant gdd with no reason to suspect autism atm but then goes on to say he may have 'sensory issue'

1980Sport Sun 04-Sep-11 21:51:29

I have DS1 2.8 with severe GDD and sensory issues but no autistic traits (suspected cause genetic) I also have DS2 1, last week!

I spent my whole pregnacy with DS2 running to apts with DS1 and in a constant state of worry/panic that DS2 would also be affected. Spent first months watching DS2 like a hawk

All I can say is having DS2 has been the best thing that has happened to our whole family. I think he's been a massive help to DS1, he's helped us all as a family cope emotionally, he enables us to do things which we probably wouldn't attempt if it was just DS1. He's allowed me to have something in common with friends who I was finding myself drifting away from. This of course all has a positive impact on DS1, I am more upbeat and positive, doing his therapies is much more fun because DS2 gets involved too, DS1 gets to socialise much more than I'd probably have done if it was just him (before DS2 I was starting to become a reclusive because I was scared people would ask and I'd cry) I also have a comparison now, the OT/Physio/SLT stuff is making much more sense as I see DS2 developing appropriately!

Congratulations on your pregnancies and good luck! Xx

pigletmania Sun 04-Sep-11 22:03:40

gemcorey I am really nervous, this was planned I always wanted a brother/sister for dd as I feel it will help her a lot and never wanted to be an only child like myself. DD loves babies and gets really happy and tries to interact with them so thats a good sign. When i asked her whether she wanted a brother or sister she told me that she wanted a sister, nevermind she is getting a brother smile but I bet she will love him just the same. The one thing I am worried is that how dd sleep will be affected when ds comes along, she starts school in September and worry that if she does nto get enough sleep she will be bad at school.

pigletmania Sun 04-Sep-11 22:05:37

Thanks very much 1980sport smile

chocjunkie Sun 04-Sep-11 22:23:15

congratulations on your pregnancies smile

DD1 (3.5) has severe s&l delay + autistic traits. DD2 (so far she appears NT) is 10 month old.

we were very worried how DD1 would react to a sibling but she really amazed us. she loved her sister from day one and DD2 is just "teaching" so many things to DD1. it is through DD2 that DD1 learns how to share, how to care, to show compassion: DD1 isn't usually very social and caring but for some strange reason, she makes sure that DD2 has a blanket on her, she conforts her when she cries, she brings DD2 her water, loves to feed her, gives her hugs and kisses (DD1 otherwise never ever kisses or hugs people without being asked to), etc, etc. as DD2 is still only a baby, I am sure we are on a wonderful journey together.

piglet, the sleep issue will probably boil down to DC2's sleeping habits. DD1 was a terrible sleeper as a baby, sometimes screeching throughout the entire night. but we were very lucky with DD2. excellent sleeper from day one. she sleeps in a cot beside our bed (well, most nights we end up co-sleeping) and only whines a bit if she wants a BF. in that sense, having DD2 didn't make any difference to DD1's sleep. if anybody is getting less sleep, then it is me grin

pigletmania Sun 04-Sep-11 22:44:32

thanks chockjunkie smile, yes dd sleeping has never been great from the word go. even now at 4.5 she wakes in the night and chatters and talks to herself, this last for a couple of hours then she falls back to sleep. When she was younger it used to be screeching and crying in the night. Things have gotten a lot easier as she has got older. Hopefully dd will learn from her new ds when he comes a long in Jan, and they will have a lovely relationship

pigletmania Sun 04-Sep-11 22:45:34

I know it sounds horrid, I love my dd to bits, but i really wish this dc does not have SN like dd and is a lot calmer and easier than dd was.

1980Sport Mon 05-Sep-11 03:46:45

I don't think it sounds horrid at all Piglet, of course you don't want your new baby to have difficulties. I certainly didn't want mine to have but that doesnt mean I love DS1 any less. DS2 developing appropriately has made me realise how much easier everything is and I also appreciate each stage more I think. I hear other mums complain about running after their newly walking DC, I'm just relieved DS2 is up on his feet smile
Only thing is he's not as good a sleeper hence why I'm up at this time but you can't have everything!!

chocjunkie Mon 05-Sep-11 08:56:16

this doesn't sound horrid. I think it is completely normal. and TBH, having an NT DD2 (fingers crossed, DD2 is still very young) has made thinks a lot easier.

re sleeping - when DD1 is not sleeping well (and this was the case very much after DD2 was born), then her dad is sleeping in DD1's room. this definately helped (DD1 gets very anxious, crying etc when she wakes up).

gemcorey Mon 05-Sep-11 16:03:31

thank you everyone for the reassurance feeln mor relaxed bout it all now. x

pigletmania Mon 05-Sep-11 19:11:30

I always wondered before dd was diagnosed with SN why parents were finding their babies so easy and mine was so difficult. I thought why do people have lots of children when its this bad, must be me and my bad parenting sad. No I know it was probably mainly to do with her SN which makes it so much easier to digest. DD wasen't just your average crying baby, no it was a nightmare I would rather not relive.

anon1110 Mon 05-Sep-11 20:45:11

Hi, Congratulations on your pregnancy!

I am i same position, although different ages, DS had GDD and will be 3 next month when new baby arrives, so am watching this thread too with interest. (Am hoping someone will come up with how to restain child when you dont have a buggy anymore!!)

piglet - I asked my DS what he wanted a boy or girl, he said he wanted a car! hmmm, now that would be painful! grin I also often wondered why other people found their babies so easy, was it my inability as a parent? it makes you doubt yourself so much doesnt it?

People constantly ask me if I want a boy or girl and I genuinely tell them I want a normal healthy baby thats all thats important to me.

1980sport happy belated birthday to DS2!

chocjunkie Mon 05-Sep-11 21:06:26

anon, DD1 is very difficult to control when taking a walk. I simply put the baby (well, above 20lbs now) into a sling and DD1 is in the buggy. i must have a strong back... grin but I won't be able to do this for very much longer. no idea how to handle it then... I also have a buggy board and DD1 will stay on the buggy board for very short walks. if your DS still fits into the buggy, maybe worth looking into the babysling option??

anon1110 Mon 05-Sep-11 21:35:12

we are gonna try the babysling option, but would be so much nicer if I didnt have a screaming toddler all the time, getting fed up of the dirty looks now, but I dont hold my tounge!

1980Sport Mon 05-Sep-11 21:35:51

Thanks Anon - we made it through year 1 pretty much unscathed! Things are so much easier now DS2 can feed himself and drink from
a beaker etc - DS1 still can't do any of these things, he's also not mobile which in some ways can be helpful but he's also so heavy now to move about, he also won't absolutely won't sit in a buggy so I push DS2 in the pram and carry 35lb DS1 in a scootababy sling - we get a few double takes. I think you really just find ways and means of making things work, what keeps me sane is getting out every day, during last winter when the weather was really bad I put them into the car and when to McDs drive thru and got a coffee!!

anon1110 Mon 05-Sep-11 21:59:35

my DS is the complete opposite, wont sit still for 5 seconds. Had a scan the other week and the person who babysat for him was exhausted when we got back, and her kids too, she was like doesnt he ever sit down?!

I think a lot of internet shopping is in order!

I couldnt imagine carrying DS in any kind of sling, he is 17.5kg now, and I aint a strong person!

1980Sport Mon 05-Sep-11 22:26:59

I got my sling at the start of the year hoping it would be a short term measure until he settled back into the pram but no such luck 7 months later I'm still carrying him about - I've muscles where I didn't even know you could get muscles smile he's been assessed for a wheelchair now but it'll be months before we get it. That'll be interesting pushing the chair and controlling a toddler (is DS2 a toddler now, I don't even know smile ) but again you always find a way, maybe just not conventional!

pigletmania Mon 05-Sep-11 22:50:24

lol anon a car wow yes you would need a c section for that smile

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