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School Probs with being allowed to go to loo

(17 Posts)
imogengladheart Sat 03-Sep-11 20:40:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

coff33pot Sat 03-Sep-11 20:55:52

Oh boy your poor DS sad

My DD is NT however she has eczema and has to drink a lot due to dry skin. Also she goes properly a certain time of the day after dinner and this has always been the case. This year just gone she had the same problem as your ds she was 9 then though.

She was coming home after the first week of school bursting into tears with tummy ache, stressed that her teacher is horrid, lets everyone go to the loo but her. She cant concentrate on her lessons and then the teacher is moaning that she is going downhill in her work and isnt impressed. She was a shouty type too.

I plainly made an appointment and told the teacher straight that she needs to use the loo and should be entitled to go. Teacher said "but its the same time every day she asks" its a habbit and it has to be broken. I told her that half an hour after dinner is always the norm for my child to GO and she is being made to hold it for the rest of the afternoon and is in pain by the time she gets home furthermore asked if the teacher herself could hold in 3 bottles of water that she had drunk for the whole day? Teacher gave up and put it that she will allow it as it is a medical reason. (obviously decided that was the best route as she wouldnt back down otherwise)

Got and see her with a proper appointment. Tell her your DS medically has no timing on when he needs to go and unless she is prepared for a bigger outburst when he has wet himself it would be kinder to let him go. Suggest she gives him a coloured card or something that he can hold up so at least she knows his demand is urgent that should take the pressure off your poor ds a bit nasty woman.

WilsonFrickett Sun 04-Sep-11 00:27:50

Sorry OP, wasn't clear from your post if DS is P1 or P2? From wht I've gathered the general rule seems to be P1 -put your hand up but basically go whenever you want P2 - firm reminders to go at lunch/ break and potentially teacher will ask 'can you wait' but again, basically go whenever you want. So of course he should have been able to go if he wanted. But sounds more like the teacher just wasn't listening [anger].

I had to go in and explain to DS teacher (p2) that going to the toilets when they are busy at lunch and break is DS basic worst nightmare. He hasn't been coming home bursting so I think she has taken it on board. Sounds like a chat is needed?

auntevil Sun 04-Sep-11 09:09:56

I do remember at one point one of my DS was given a little laminated card with a toilet on it, so he put up his hand with the card in it and the teacher didn't ask - just nodded, so it didn't disrupt 'the flow' of the class.
There can also be a problem if it is not sorted of your DS getting too frightened of the teacher's response - and just not asking - then peeing - or in my DS's case - soiling.
How much does the teacher know about your DS and aspergers? Might be worth having a meeting with the teacher on her own and asking how she would like him to communicate his urgent needs when she is talking so these incidents don't happen in her classroom. Put the onus on her to come up with a solution - remind her if she is adamant that he should train himself to go at certain times that the 2 possible results of her not finding a solution and ignoring his request is a)tantrum or b) peeing - both which would cause more disruption than him being allowed to go to the toilet.

Triggles Sun 04-Sep-11 11:00:16

I simply do not understand why some teachers feel the need to be so iron-fisted when it comes to using the toilet. Most children are not going to abuse it - they will say when they need the toilet and simply use it. It's pretty obvious pretty quickly if a child is using the situation, and it's also fairly obvious that your son was simply needing the toilet.

Surely there can be a simple method in place where your son can use, as mentioned above, a card to signal that he has to go, and then just simply go, without waiting. To put him in a position that he risks having an accident is humiliating for him, and I would imagine if you point blank asked if that was their goal, you'd see quite a bit of backpedaling.

imogengladheart Sun 04-Sep-11 17:30:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Becaroooo Sun 04-Sep-11 17:36:54

Sod the letter.

Go in and see the HT - this is awful and they will ignore the letter....much harder to ignore you

If you really want to put something in writing then perhaps a letter to the BofG to point out your ds's issues and how this "rule" is ridiculous and potentially damaging to his self esteem?

WilsonFrickett Sun 04-Sep-11 19:31:50

I would do both - letter and 'I will call you this morning to arrange an appointment to discuss'. Then go and see HT. Can't believe the alopecia story, that's terrible! angry

imogengladheart Sun 04-Sep-11 22:20:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

imogengladheart Sun 04-Sep-11 22:22:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WilsonFrickett Mon 05-Sep-11 00:13:53

I think that's a very good letter. But as someone on here always says (sorry, can't remember who) read it again tomorrow. Imagine if someone who had never met you or your DC was reading it. Imagine if this third party had the power to grant your request. Imagine yournletter with no emotion - would it do its job better, etc etc.

Just basically sleep on it and read it again tomorrow and make sure it's balanced. Good luck.

madwomanintheattic Mon 05-Sep-11 04:05:25

it's fine.

but you also need to go in and discuss. sorry.

ds1 has long and enduring history of both wetting adn soiling at school. this stuff doesn't get fixed if you don't address it personally, head on. never mind what happened in the past - fine, it's recorded in the letter. you need to discuss face to face with the HT or senco and class teacher what will be the process In The Future when ds needs to use the toilet urgently. as others have said, it is not unreasonable for a code (flashcard left on desk/ pencil sharpener on front of desk, whatever) to be in use, and this is used in mny circumstances when kids with sn need to leave the classroom urgently, whether for toilet use, or to take a time out in older children.

my ds1 is 9 now. yr 5. his teachers are still entirely content for him to leave the classroom to toilet whenever he needs to. and each have devised a way of letting them know which does not cause tantrum/ delay. it isn't rocket science. but it needs to be agreed in person that this will happen. without further delay.

and then, e-mail them after the meeting and say thank you, and state what was agreed. and print it off for your file. grin

you may want to consider just popping in and apologising about the day before, and then explaining about ds's reason for the outburst (with the assumption that the teacher can't possibly have been so unkind that she meant to put a 6yo child in agony who needed the toilet into that position wink ) - you know, that you've got to the bottom of what made ds's behaviour so out of character, and apologise if you hadn't made it clear during the transition that he is unable to hold it if he needs the toilet due to his ongoing medical issues. and then discuss whether a system can be implemented which allows ds to use the classroom whenever he needs to, without disrupting her flow....

i just mean, focus on what needs to happen in the future, not the 'he said, she said' stuff which detracts from the essential point. let ds know it doesn't matter, and that you will discuss with the school what he needs to do to go to the toilet during a class.

Becaroooo Mon 05-Sep-11 09:55:14

the letter is good, but you need to go in too
good luck

coff33pot Mon 05-Sep-11 12:09:37

The letter is fine smile

But I agree with everyone else you need to go in and see the Head/senco/teach. There was a situation that day where the child was ignored then spoken to in a way that this was all his fault. Your son needs to know and feel relaxed it was sorted and the Teacher needs to know you mean "polite" business that he isnt going to be treated in the same way in the future.

imogengladheart Tue 06-Sep-11 14:24:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

auntevil Tue 06-Sep-11 14:48:33

Imogen - no space in diary 'apparently' - yet he can have a meeting with you at the drop of a hat on their terms. Sorry - its one of my rants that you are asking a civil question about how your DS will manage in school this week and ongoing - and he can't see you for a whole week?! angry

madwomanintheattic Tue 06-Sep-11 18:26:15

just go and speak to the teacher when you collect him.

it isn't really a school council issue as the policy is in place tbh. you just need to retierate that he is one of the ones that can't wait due to med issues, and sort out how he is to be allowed to leave the class inconspicuously.

the ht can wait, if he's got no time. the class teacher can't. what if he needs to wee today in the middle of maths?

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