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6yo still in pull ups. help

(21 Posts)
Calally Wed 31-Aug-11 10:20:40

ds has just turned 6, and he's still in pull ups. hes getting better at using the toilet, but still a long way to go. when were at home, ds will run about with just his pull up on, sometimes he'll hae trousers on aswell, and will randomly go and use the toilet, but not always. when he's at school, he will also randomly ask to go, but not always. when were out its a completely different story, he never asks, i have to ask him, then we get the going to the toilet every 5 mins. have tried him without pull up, and he always has an accident. as for being dry at night, no chance. even if he doesnt have anything to drink from 6pm onwards, his pull up is full in the morning. i feel like im the only 1 who still has a child so old whose not toilet trained, and i get so much flack from his dad and my parents. sad

magso Wed 31-Aug-11 11:30:33

I feel for you - I really struggled - it feels such a failure in parenting and other peoples adverse comments compound all those feelings. You are not alone - but I know how alone I felt when ds was younger - he is older now and at sn school where many children have similar difficulties.

coff33pot Wed 31-Aug-11 15:04:10

Dont take it all to heart smile You are definately not alone. My DS is out of pullups now but not at night. Good that he is dry by day but bad because he holds himself all day and waits till night time to poo in his pullup.

AlysWho Wed 31-Aug-11 15:59:02

Yep, just to reiterate whats already been said really. DD was in nappies full time until 5, night time another couple of years after that.
NAS do a help! programme for toiletting issues here, depending on where you live!
Worst of all its was DD's school that got her out of nappies in the end GRRRR. of course I was plaesed aswell, but after all the work i could've done with some of the glory!! x

auntevil Wed 31-Aug-11 17:54:59

Calally - my 6.6 DS2 (NT) is in pullups at night and soils during the day. We use el cheapo pants during the day as he was regularly soiling at school. I have a rule at home that he only gets to go through one pair of pants - then it's pullups!
He is lactose intolerant and has IBS - but has basically been told that unless someone suddenly identifies what causes him to have sudden diarrhoea outbursts, he will hopefully grow out of it when he matures.
DS3 (NT) - has the same. He starts school on tuesday. He's not even made it to pants sad .

AllieZ Wed 31-Aug-11 19:14:00

Kids get drier sooner if you put them in traditional (cloth) nappies because a cloth nappy gets wet and unpleasant, which is an incentive to use the toilet instead. Children used to get toilet trained by about 2-2.5 years up until the 1960s.

unpa1dcar3r Wed 31-Aug-11 19:54:31

i feel like im the only 1 who still has a child so old whose not toilet trained, and i get so much flack from his dad and my parents

No you're not Callally don't worry. My youngest is now 13 almost and still wets the bed most nights plus poo's and pee's himself in the day too.
It is a nightmare when you're out having to keep taking him to loo's and him refusing only to go and soil 5 mins later!
Think with mine it is something to do with his low muscle tone perhaps. Does your son have lax joints etc too?
Also certain drinks act as a diuretic, tea is one of the worst funnily enough. With mine it doesn't seem to matter if he has a drink before bed or at 4pm, it just depends if we get him up in the night quick enough (usually at least twice and he still wets)
I don't have any suggestions but wanted to say you're not alone.
As for the father and rellies, tell 'em to try it for a few days and nights! Cheeky sods.

Calally Wed 31-Aug-11 22:23:59

Thanks everyone, you've made me feel slightly better. Had a good day today. Altho took ds out, and he soiled his clean pull up 5 mins after we left ( and didn't have a spare ) but he stayed clean and dry for a good few hours, and used the toilet twice ( didn't ask to tho ) ds Is at sn, was also at sn nursery, and there fine about it. As far lax joints, no diagnosis, but I have heard it mentioned

graciousenid Wed 31-Aug-11 22:32:59

ds, like all my children, has been in cloth nappies. He still isn't toilet trained at almost 5 years old.

it's really hard Calally, you're not the only one though (I have MIL giving us a hard time about it & my mum helpfully saying ... well you don't see many 18yos in nappies ... but of course you do, when your child is disabled).

ouryve Wed 31-Aug-11 23:13:47

I really wouldn't sweat it. He will be clean and dry when he is ready.

DS1 is 8 in December and we have only just got him out of pull ups over the summer. He was very much like your DS and the impetus to become clean and dry had to come form him. There was no "just trying him in pants" because an accident would set him back a long way in confidence.

At the beginning of the holidays, we picked up that he was ripping off nappies in bed and having no accidents, so sussed that his nervous system was finally up to the task. We broke down the matter of staying clean and dry into small components relevant to him (eg going to the toilet without arguing or messing about, doing a poo in the toilet, staying dry all day) and bribed the hell out of him. Because he was ready, he responded really well, so we chose some pants with him. (He already had a drawer full, but they were too small). After a few days, he started to wear them for short periods, then he learnt that he had more control with pants on than with a pull up. And so he progressed and as he progressed, we changed the targets to suit.

This morning, I phoned the continence service to cancel his nappies.

I still have 5 year old DS2 in nappies, mind. He can tell me when he's wet or dirty, but can't perform on the loo. An entirely different kettle of fish (as always!)

ouryve Wed 31-Aug-11 23:17:03

AllieZ - Know your audience. Many of us here have incontinent kids and it is nothing to do with what nappies they wear. I'm sure you have advice on how I can get DS2 talking, too.

AllieZ Thu 01-Sep-11 11:53:09

ouryve, I just stated 2 facts: 1. being wet in cloth nappies is unpleasant, as opposed to nappies that keep you dry even after a wee; and 2.) children used to become toilet trained much earlier when everyone was in cloth nappies. If you check teaching forums you'll find that these days kids go to school without being toilet trained and they are perfectly nt and have no medical reason for incontinence, it's just that disposable nappies took away the reason to be toilet trained. In any case I don't remember saying anything specifically about anyone's dc here and no, I am not a SALT and don't know how to get your dc talking.

ouryve Thu 01-Sep-11 12:24:33

Well, AllieZ, the children we are talking about are not NT. This is a SN board and we are talking about our children with SN. It's pretty tactless to even slightly suggest that our kids wouldn't have these problems if we had done something different.

And for the record, I have a drawer full of cloth pull ups/training pants. They don't contain anything so our attempt at using them invoked an awful lot of furniture scrubbing and they set DS1 back a bit because having to be cleaned up in the shower after soiling one was distressing for him, while the quick cleanup involved with soiling a disposable was much less unpleasant for everyone.

graciousenid Thu 01-Sep-11 13:28:37

Allie why are you posting here? You haven't contributed anything useful, talking about continence issues in nt children is irrelevant. I recall another poster coming in to the SN board berating parents for 'failing' their incontinent disabled children. Have you posted about this before?

As I previously said I have used (& still do with 2mo ds2) cloth with all my children. dds 1 & 2 both clean & dry, day & night before 2.5 years. ds1 has a lifelong neuro-disability & an additional medical issue affecting his bowel - I'm hopeful he will be toilet trained, but cloth or not it will take far longer than in a non-disabled child.

When he was three and a half I swapped from cloth to disposables - he was distressed by his incontinence & large cloth nappies made it difficult to find decent clothes that fit & stand out like a sore thumb in an older child. I will not punish & stigmatise my child for his disability.

SALTs don't 'get children talking' btw.

Calally Thu 01-Sep-11 15:20:28

yes the may have been toilet trained quicker, but wasnt that back in the day when the disabled were shunned and locked in asylums, and there was a bad stigma towards the disabled. so im guessing the child prob would have been forced out of nappies. personally i choose not to use cloth nappies, would cost to much to be washing & drying all the time. ds is making progress, and i no one day he will amaze me and be dry, until that time comes, ill just perservere, and at least i no im not a lot. thank you to all other posters

coff33pot Thu 01-Sep-11 15:45:26

alliez useless and pointless info on an SN board

A lot of SN children dont actually twig that they are sitting in a wet/soiled nappy and that it is not a good idea. A lot of SN children actually have a fear of the toilet itself (mine is included in that) It isnt just a case of using cloth nappies sometimes there are far more other issues that are causing the problem from fear to dietry allergies causing more constant soiling.

Why I am wasting breath trying to educate you I dont know really.

who are you exactly?? you hardly ever post here unless its for a wind up.

Calally........your DS will get there in the end under his own steam when he is ready whether you stick him in cloth nappies, bought pull ups or a bin bag grin

unpa1dcar3r Thu 01-Sep-11 20:01:08

My boy (13) sleeps in his wet bed so doubt cloth nappies would make an iota of difference!

shazian Thu 01-Sep-11 20:49:01

My 10.6 yo DS is in nappies all the time, saw neurosurgeon couple weeks ago and he said probably wont change much from now into adulthood, prob never be out of nappies etc. grin He never mentioned that i should try cloth nappies, think i'll give it a bash!! He has pica and faecal smears (among other things) so he even eats the poo, do you think this will stop grin. On account of the fact he is severley disabled, much as it would be fantastic and sooo much easier NO ONE (including specialists) ever see the day my DS will be out of nappies.

magso Tue 06-Sep-11 18:55:52

My ds is happy to stay asleep in a wet bed dispite wet cotton sheets and PJs. Feeing a bit blue about continance issues. Ds started senior school yesturday. I have been told so often that ' you dont see children in nappies in senior school' so it hit me it is probably for life. The specialst said it was probably as good as it will get and the significance of that has only just hit me - ie he may not 'grow out of it'! He is out of nappies by day but still has regular accidents because he has no real interest in being dry and little awareness till he is cold. We started the day with a wet bed as we so often do ( he wets the pull up - rips it off and wets again later) and because he is in senior school ( SN) there is no class teacher to send them all to the loo as in junior school. Today every chair cushion in the house is wet or drying - and it has only been 2 days at senior!

leesax Tue 06-Sep-11 20:12:49

My DD is 10 - almost 11 and whilst we had a brief period where she seemed to be 'getting' toilet training, we are back to total incontinence day and night ... our consultant thinks it is due to her spinal/pelvis issues and low sensation and so we are not sure when/if she will be dry.

Don't give up though smile

wraith Wed 07-Sep-11 01:47:25

you may not see many asds who remained in nappies or soiling wetting at higher ages but there are a few, good luck andc remember just cause they dont wave flags theres people who will have the same problem

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