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faith and severe disability experiences

(7 Posts)
louandcupoftea Sat 27-Aug-11 19:36:24

I live with my partner and 2 children, one of whom has a severe disability. How have others in similar circumstances managed to explore their personal faith, found an accepting church, etc and balanced this with an older child who has challenging behaviour?

smugtandemfeeder Sat 27-Aug-11 20:24:58

Lou, we have tried many churches over the past 3 years. Some are more accommodating than others although they all say they are. It's probably me being anxious but its hard not to when your DC is running up the alter!

We have finally settled in our local c of e church. There happen to be lots of people there with special needs. We met with the vicar to discuss DSs problems so he didn't just think DS was being naughty.

As we get more involved in the church we get to know more people so there are more people who know DS isn't just naughty. They help us out a bit now they know and baby sit etc.

It's nice to feel included. They haven't done anything special just understand how hard it is for us. Lou, we have tried many churches over the past 3 years. Some are more accommodating than others although they all say they are. It's probably me being anxious but its hard not to when your DC is running up the alter!

We have finally settled in our local c of e church. There happen to be lots of people there with special needs. We met with the vicar to discuss DSs problems so he didn't just think DS was being naughty.

As we get more involved in the church we get to know more people so there are more people who know DS isn't just naughty. They help us out a bit now they know and baby sit etc.

It's nice to feel included. They haven't done anything special just understand how hard it is for us.

signandsmile Sun 28-Aug-11 18:42:34

I think I'd echo what smug said. We had found church before we had ds, my dh has phyiscal disabilites, and they were great about that, he can't drive anymore, so people give him lifts if he is going to a meeting and Im not. Also he falls lots and 'seizes up' so we sometimes need 2 or 3 burly blokes to move him back out to the car, grin people just think "oh that's just 'sign's dh'" (IYSWIM) It's normal for us.
it was a bit tougher when ds was born until we got dx he just seemed naughty/wild, and we did get a few 'cats bum faces', (but not by people who knew us), and people are now fine with ds. (I remember him dancing (with his shadow) at the front of the church, during the Carol Service; wearing his neon ear defenders and his little favourite Hi Vi Jacket, no one batted an eyelid) grin.

I think we have found 'free-er style churches' have coped with us being a bit different better, (as we are at one where people sit/stand/kneel/dance/ as they want to then doing things a bit differently seems to matter even less.) I have done quite a bit of work with the kids leaders about what ds needs and he has a one to one worker (from aiming high funding) for the 'kids church' sessions, altho friends and I had set up a rota to cover that initially.

Sorry this is turning into a mega post, blush, please do pm me if it would be useful. Or even if you would like someone to share experiences, prayer requests etc etc.

growlybear Sun 28-Aug-11 20:00:27

We go to a great church.DD can have her moments and can shout and make funny noices during the service.We have found that people have become more and more accepting over the years and are not frightnened of her any more.They are always asking questions about dd condition and are always asking how she is and are very keen to pray her.Realyy lovely to feel accepted when most of the world can be so horrid.

ihavenewsockson Sun 28-Aug-11 20:10:01

The local members of our religion are really supportive.Most of them understand DS1's condition, even the ones that don't are still lovely to him and us. I often have people offering to help with DS2 if DS1 is struggling and DH isn't there.

Last sunday I actually was crying afterwards as we had had a really bad week and it felt like DS1 was regressing. A friend whisked him away to play whilst two of the ministers came to give me a hug and pep talk.

mariamagdalena Sun 28-Aug-11 21:33:56

There's an old thread I'll try to find and bump for you.

I can't add much to what others have said about finding a church which will try to be welcoming, and trying to overcome your own fears about what people might or might not think. The personal faith one is hard to answer in a post like this, you're very welcome to pm me, or maybe share more details here of what aspects of your faith you're thinking about.

I find that knowing I can ask someone to pray for me when I'm struggling is very helpful.

StarlightMcKenzie Mon 29-Aug-11 12:35:04

I dunno. We started going to church which we thought was understanding, and they WERE very tolerant of ds. But the Vicar was a Governor of the school that we were appealing against at tribunal.

When we lost, there was an aura of belief that justice is always done and therefore we were wrong.

We started going less and less and eventually stopped.

I do believe in the church community and that God wants this for us. But I also believe that you don't need a church to have a relationship with God, and that is where we are at the moment.

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