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Is this usually how it goes??

(9 Posts)
baboos Thu 25-Aug-11 14:19:18

I received the summary letter of my sons (3.6) first appointment with paed. All was pretty much as discussed with regards to his issues, and listed proposals for going forward.

I was however shocked to see wriiten, personal details which were discussed relating to my marriage issues (very briefly I might add, when asked how were things at home) had been copied to school senco, HV, GP, etc. I am by nature a very private person, and I am mortified.

Is this usually the case, or have I been incredibly naive to be so open, I wasn't expecting this to be written down, as it surely has no bearing on my sons issues.

bialystockandbloom Thu 25-Aug-11 14:23:40

shock I can't see why the paed would include this, unless it's relevant/connected to ds's issues?

Presuming not, I would write to the paed asking him to remove this info from his report, and reissue an amended version to all parties.

coff33pot Thu 25-Aug-11 14:31:52

I agree with bialy. Contact the Pead and get it altered.

Camhs tried to do that with me. Fortunately they have the sense to forward a draft report to us so that we either agree it or amend it. They omitted the private details on the schools copy before forwarding on.

baboos Thu 25-Aug-11 15:50:46

Thanks for the reassurance, and no it's not relevant at all, our marriage issues are present as a result of many years of fertility treatment and the ineviatble fallout surrounding this.

I am going to write to her today, I certainly don't want this information to cloud issues relating to our son with anyone. We may not be united on much at present, but where our twin sons are concerned we most definately are.

madwomanintheattic Thu 25-Aug-11 16:51:47

all the letters we have had (and we've had a fair few lol) have definitely included a brief family background summary. so it would be entirely normal to mention content of family and any pertinent issues, but if you feel that the line has been overstepped, then ask them to revise. so if the twins were a result of the lengthy (and stressful) fertility treatment, then it would be pertinent to put something like 'long awaited ivf babies' or whatever, but not to go into detail.

some of ours have some corkers that i've never bothered to correct though, talking about mine or dh's line of work. completely and utterly wrong. but tbh it isn't relevant at all, so i assume most of the professionals don't care what that bit says.

in hindsight, i didn't even bother to correct my med docs for my six week check after ds1, which i later found out said that i had tried to bf but failed and so he was ff. i have no idea who the doc was talking to, but it wasn't me. the child hung continually off my boob for an entire year and i saw about 6 professionals with weaning problems as he was a nightmare.

so depending on what it actually said, i'm not sure i would bother to make too much of a fuss - i suspect most professionals won't bother to read that bit anyway, and so by getting everyone to amend their records, you might actually be drawing more attention to it? do you think that they found it pertinent information? do you get the impression that they were highlighting it as a potential source/ complicating factor for ds's issues? it might be better to let them ponder it and rule it out?

coff33pot Thu 25-Aug-11 17:05:30

It depends on how private you feel it is. Personally the school knowing that I had PND and was asked the question that it must have been hard for me to get attached to my son asside from the fact it was a load of crap rubbish and the PND I had was with my first two and he wasnt even born, I didnt feel it was needed in a school report who already were under the dreamland impression that his issues at school were because of things happening at home. It would have just given them more food for thought and less action from them. So I didnt see the relevance of them having to know and to be honest it was the child the school was interested in not me so none of their businiess smile

Just go with how you feel.

baboos Thu 25-Aug-11 22:37:07

Letter written, although on reading views, I think I will sleep on this, and hopefully all will be clearer in the morning.

madwoman It reads as though my sons issues are the cause of our marriage problems (which couldn't be further from the truth), and I believe that gives a false impression of my abilty to cope under pressure, when in reality this is not the case. I certainly wouldn't have got through 10 years of fertility treatment failures if that were the case. However you do make some valid points, which I appreciate.

madwomanintheattic Fri 26-Aug-11 14:37:37

yy - you have to follow your instincts.

GossipWitch Sat 27-Aug-11 00:29:03

When the peod asked me about my marital status and I said single, his instant diagnoses was "oh so he has no father, therefore he is lacking father figure." i said no he has a father, we were married before ds1 was conceived, however he was violent and we decided that the environment wasn't good for ds1, so we split, ds1 sees his father with out fail every weekend, goes on holiday with him, and spends time in the school holidays with him, his diagnoses was then "he's immature he'll grow out of it." gggrrrrrrrr!!! I havent seen said peod for 3 years!.

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