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banned from emailing another dept of shitface county council

(13 Posts)
hannahsmummsy Thu 25-Aug-11 00:12:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lougle Thu 25-Aug-11 07:54:46

hannahsmummsy, I think you need to look at how you are approaching this. I understand that you are worried for your daughter, and want the best for her, but your approach is alienating all the people who have the power to help her.

Sorry, but if your posts here are anything to go by, you sound like a nightmare to deal with sad

hannahsmummsy Thu 25-Aug-11 08:04:26

the local goverment ombardsman , my longterm mental health worker , parent partnership are all on our side and in total support of us xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Lougle Thu 25-Aug-11 08:09:02

Well, the only thing I can say, is that when you are looking back on your life, it is you that will have to live with your decisions. Whenever I take any action on DD's behalf, I always think 'when I am old and grey, looking back, will I think 'I did the right thing' or will I have regrets?'. As long as you will look back without regret, then you must do what you do.

I personally think, from your posts on here, that your approach is aggressive and unhelpful to your daughter.

hannahsmummsy Thu 25-Aug-11 08:12:07

the reosen they have multiple online forms is that A) my daughter is nearly 16 and wanted to make her own seperate complaint , they have not acnoledged her complaint is seperate , i have emailed them this in reply to the above b) one of the complaint is about sencan and they have directcted it to childrens social care managers c) the space on the online form they told me to use is tiny and you cannot fit all info in the space it allows D) significant new issuse have come up since the acknowledgement which are relvent in resolving the complaint , i have a lgo on the case an have forwarded the emails to her for scrutiny

smugtandemfeeder Thu 25-Aug-11 08:16:30

Hannahsmum do you have an advocate who can do the communication for you and handle the complaints? that way there is a bit of space between you and it would also take the pressure off you a bit

<goes off to try and take own advice>

hannahsmummsy Thu 25-Aug-11 08:18:36

i suppose on here , i only rant about negative things, in reality i am a polite gently soul and always thank socal workers for the time and effort they are taking even if they piss me off , i brought the corrupt senco flowers at the end of term . i suppose i seem agressive on here and maby i should no longer use this site as a rant forum xx

hannahsmummsy Thu 25-Aug-11 08:22:55

parent partnership have a jobshare one lady is shit ,but now the other is on the case she is wonderfull and you are right i should allow her to take some heat of as she is ready and willing . lougle thanx for advice ,my asd makes me seem snappy when in reality im a patient reosonable person always willing to compromise , even the lgo can see they are clearly extracting the urine

hannahsmummsy Thu 25-Aug-11 08:25:25

and my dry literal sarcasic humor can come across as anger

cansu Thu 25-Aug-11 08:41:37

I can understand that you are angry with them ; I have often felt the same way. However, it really is worth handling it carefully. If they can pass you off as being unreasonable then they get to ignore your complaints. I always give them plenty of time to respond and am always sweetness itself in my tone even if I am saying that I am very unhappy with what they are doing. I have also found it useful to stick to facts. Before I send anything I wait a day and read it again so I can take anything remotely personal, slightly sarcastic out! I am sure they think I am a pain in the arse but they also play the game in being scrupulously polite with me. If you think the process is getting to you then do take a step back and see if anyone can take the strain for you a bit. Good Luck.

Claw3 Thu 25-Aug-11 10:26:43

Ds's old school 'banned' me from contacting them. I had been writing to the SENCO requesting help for ds, as she refused to speak with me on the phone. Ds had started to self harm and didnt even have an IEP in place, despite being on Action + for over a year.

The way i looked at it, was who would be seen to be the unreasonable one and this a question i always ask myself being complaining about anything.

In my experience people refuse to communicate with you when

a) you are asking awkward questions and making them look incompetent.

b) you really are being the unreasonable one.

There is a very fine line between starting of as a and turning into b when anger takes over. I try to distance myself emotionally and treat it as a business arrangement.

Only you will know whether a or b applies.

StarlightMcKenzie Thu 25-Aug-11 10:42:37

Hannah, I understand like many your MN face is your angry, bitter face, which can help you to be reasonable in real life.

There has been some excellent advice on this thread. The one I would add is to always, ALWAYS write as if an independent person will also get to read it. Better still if you imagine that they are an independent reasonable person with a slight bias against you. You have to convince THAT person that what you are saying is sensible and rational.

coff33pot Thu 25-Aug-11 13:52:23

Hannah I fully understand your frustrations. I would also like things done yesterday and not wait. I quite often sit here on my own in the evenings and think this is taking too long and I get mad. Putting pen to paper makes you feel you have done something to voice your concerns and oppinion after all you only want to help your daughter. smile

But we have to bite the bullet sometimes and give authorities breathing space. To answer us and deal with what is at hand. I know LA is a pain in the ass and so frustrating for you and your DD but the trouble is if you bombard them with complaint after complaint on a daily basis, the real issue of your DD will get smothered under it all because they will stop thinking of her and just remember you and all the complaints they have to respond to iyswim

I sometimes use my word on here and dam well have a right moan and tell them what I think of them and then hit the delete! grin

You have one good person in parent partnership you said and that is good but remember if she is your go between to help your DD you just may make her life hard to get the info she needs to help.

And yes I have no doubt you are a lovely person. Everyone is a tiger when it comes to protecting their children xx

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