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Have just realised that DH is still having difficulty accepting DS2's SNs

(12 Posts)
Triggles Tue 16-Aug-11 12:58:39

DH has depression, and is on meds. Recently, the GP switched him to a new med, while weaning him off the old. What we're getting now is a unbelievably difficult DH who has not got enough of the old meds in his system to keep him stable and not long enough on the new meds for it to be effective yet. Consequence ? All this baggage spilling out...

He seems to having a huge problem dealing with DS2's SNs. And so he's been shouty and intractable for days. Which, of course, sends DS2 right up as well. Big massive power struggles. DH shouting. DS2 shouting, crying. DH doesn't listen to anyone, but seems to think that DS2 is being "defiant." sigh... DH's word, not mine. I truly detest that word. DS2 can obviously see that things are tense right now, and reacts accordingly - acting up more, needing more reassurance, more sensory-seeking, etc etc. DH reacts by getting angry, which just escalates everything.

I am at my wits end. I literally told DH to pack his bags and get out yesterday, as I cannot tolerate all the upheaval anymore. MIL came over and helped smooth things over. DH calmed down. But today, he's being stupid again. God, it's so annoying. I KNOW a lot of it is the depression and not enough meds in his system - this is just not like DH used to be at all. But it's like a double standard and it's making me nuts. I'm lacking in sleep all the time, but the kids need something and I need to get it done. I cope, not because I can, but because I HAVE to, as I'm sure most people on here well understand. But there are days where I'm barely coping. DH can't cope, and he gets a break. I don't, as there's no one, not even DH, that I can leave the kids with safely. He gets tired, he can go sleep, and everything gets dumped on me. I'm tired, and there's no relief for it - I can't leave DH alone with the kids as he just doesn't cope. So I struggle through....

Some days I am so tired of carrying ALL the responsibility. I'll continue to do it, of course, as it needs to be done. But it's so wearing......

Sorry... just needed a rant.....

coff33pot Tue 16-Aug-11 13:08:46

Awww bless you [hugs]

What a rollercoaster you are on at the moment! Just take one day at a time and tell yourself it will get better as the meds kick in. How long has it been? most meds take 10 to 14 days to kick in. If its been longer then I would take DH back to the docs as I had some last year and they sent me off my trolley literally!

Is there anyway your MIL could take DH back with her for the time being. He may calm down in a different surrounding till the meds kick in. I know it leaves you with the DCs but at least they wont be so stressed either so it might lower things a bit smile

You have my utmost sympathy here x

sc13 Tue 16-Aug-11 13:46:51

I am sorry to hear this Triggles. Depression is an ugly beast but at the end of the day it is you left with everything on your shoulders, as usual women have to stay strong otherwise everything else comes to pieces. Hopefully the meds will kick in but you need some kind of break, even a couple of hours maybe getting out of the house? Your MIL as coff suggests seems capable and willing to help

Triggles Tue 16-Aug-11 14:36:24

MIL is willing to help, but can really only help with DH. She is not physically capable of keeping up with DS2 & DS3.

DH went to see a psychologist today, and he at least seems a bit more positive and level this afternoon. He says that he is willing to work harder to make it so everything is not on my shoulders. (I'd like to believe this, I'm reserving judgement as he has said he'll try harder for the last 6 months, and really hasn't much, so I'm a bit skeptical, although I recognise part of the reason I am skeptical is that I'm teetering on depression myself and am simply not feeling too hopeful at the moment)

it's been a hellish day. Boys running all over the place, DS2 kicking off regularly, and the wretched puppy pooped in the entryway (and then stepped in it and spread it everywhere, so I had to catch him, clean him off, keep the boys out of it, clean the floor.... argggghhhhh! - this all while DH is at his appointment, so no help at all!)

DGS is coming over tonight as we agreed over a week ago to babysit while DD goes out tonight - can't cancel on her as we rarely babysit (as she rarely goes out, to be fair!). So I don't see things calming much today. I have some paperwork that NEEDS to be done today, but I'll have to do it tonight after the boys are in bed, as I can't focus on it with constant interruptions.

Off to find chocolate.... thank you for the support... I sometimes feel like I'm screaming into the wind and nobody hears me here....

Triggles Tue 16-Aug-11 14:36:41

(oh, and I mean "here" as in here at home.... not MN

EllenJaneisnotmyname Tue 16-Aug-11 14:51:10

Hi Triggles. Sorry it's so tricky at the moment. I used to really struggle during the summer holidays and that was with a DH who would actually help once he got home from work. It seemed to be so sad wishing the holidays away, especially when all my friends seemed to love them. hmm

Sorry I can't offer more than virtual brew at the mo, but my three at 13, 11 and 9 wouldn't mix well with a 5yo and a (nearly?) 2yo. They'd love the puppy, though. I hope your DH's meds get to work soon, but I suppose it'd be a miracle if they changed his personality to that of a domestic god? grin

Over half way there, less than 3 weeks to go til Sept and at least you'll be back in a routine then. I'm sure your DS2 will thrive in Y1 with structure and stimulation. smile

Triggles Tue 16-Aug-11 17:08:00

Ellen - thanks. Yes, I'm sure the mix would be a bit scary. grin Our puppy is in the nipping stage as well as being trained, so things are rather chaotic at best here. And then I was told yesterday morning that the OT wants to do a home visit as well. sigh... Could be interesting... hmm

We have to keep the boys separated, the boys and the puppy separated, and the boys puppy and DH separated... hmm So guess who deals with it all....

And DS2 has managed to break my calculator. So what does he do? Throws it repeatedly on the floor... because apparently throwing it on the floor caused it "not to work" so throwing it on the floor should fix it... in his head, anyway. hmm Thank goodness it was from poundland, but still annoying....needed it to work on the budget tonight.

There's a bottle of taboo in the kitchen with my name on it. grin

EllenJaneisnotmyname Tue 16-Aug-11 17:45:20

Taboo? shock

smugtandemfeeder Tue 16-Aug-11 20:12:04

Hi Triggles. Sorry you are having a hard time. My DH is depressed too and its very hard as you spend a lot of time supporting them whilst also supporting your DC. Its really hard not to feel depressed yourself then as well isnt it. I have been to a psych who is helping me think about how I can help myself but its so hard when you really feel like you cant find space for yourself as you are the only one who can fight for your DC and there isnt anyone to give you a break to do things.

Can you go out in the evenings when your DC are asleep and leave your DH to look after things? I find just going to the local shopping centre to try on clothes I cant afford and have a coffee on my own without DH rambling away helps. [Ive only done this once but it helped emoticon]

I find DHs mind is all over the place and I remind him about things and he says he cant remember agreeing to them. He has been angry at home at times (much much less now he is getting a bit better) but recently I have just picked up the kids, wrestled them in the car and said I'll be back when you calm down and apologise.

Hopefully this will be a very temporary situation for you and you will be able to get back to normal - whatever that is.

Triggles Wed 17-Aug-11 00:12:13

taboo...(citrus vodka)....with lemonade...yummy

although I really only drink them very weak. lol...I'm a wimp

EllenJaneisnotmyname Wed 17-Aug-11 01:33:35

Actually that sounds quite nice...

What are you still doing up? Same as me?

Triggles Thu 18-Aug-11 12:37:33

I always seem to be up all hours. Stress makes me have difficulty sleeping, which means the more tired and stressed I get, the less sleep I get. Rather a vicious circle. Life, eh?

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