Brave or foolish? Should I? Could I?

[insanityscatching]

We haven't as yet booked a holiday for the bank holiday week, the last one put me off a bit and I'm fed up of Filey tbh.

So browsing round holiday lettings I found a possibility on the Isle of Wight.

We haven't been there since ds was seven when we had the most awful time on record. I came back black and blue because ds was the most violent he had ever been and was totally unmanageable for a whole fortnight.

We came home early and we were all shell shocked tbh because we couldn't see a way forward.

But times have changed, I can handle ds far better now, I don't believe he'd ever hit me again and so have broached the subject.

Ds unbelievably can remember minute details of last time and is considering it (means most likely a yes tbh) I can prepare him in two weeks and dd (18) knows that we will need to be very flexible to keep ds calm. Dd's (8) anxious but I can help her with that.

It's just me really, that last holiday there nearly killed me, we considered shared care for ds and the others were traumatised not only because of ds attacking them but them seeing him attacking me (I always got the worst of it )

So what do you think? Could I do it? It won't be as bad as last time will it? Would you?

Opinions please

[Vinniesbisqwits]

go for it but tbh not much to do in Iof W try weymouth its fab for kids there good luck

[coff33pot]

No I wouldnt go for the IOWhite for a second time. If DS can remember what happend then it could trigger upset with memories. Also to be honest I would think if you went back there you to would be thinking of "what happened last time" rather than enjoying yourself and so would your DCs. I would choose a different holiday personally, something new and fresh start. Somewhere where there are plenty of activities to occupy your DCs. Give him a reward plan for each half day he makes it through and praise him for it.

[Vinniesbisqwits]

yes i agree coff33pot weymouth i mentioned as ive been there many times and there is so much to do for families and esp dcs even punch and judy , donkey rides, helter skelter and trampolines on the beach and lots of places with rides and country walks big country houses and gardens sometimes there is a circus this time of year, zoo, sealife centre ive traveled to seaside resorts all over uk as dh is ex royal navy and weymouths the kids favorite insanityscatching and the sands fantastic and white they have sand sculptures on the beach its a clean award winning one.

[Marne]

I would also try somewhere different as he still remembers the IOW, we are not far from Weymouth, i took the dd's (both ASD) down there last week, the beach wasn't too busy and they really enjoyed it, the sealife centre is fab (we may go there in a week or so), Poole is also lovely or Swangage (both have great beaches and lots to do).

[StarlightMcKenzie]

If you can do it I would tbh. To rewrite the record. I think it is a bit scary and can see why the others are saying no, but you seem to need to prove that things are better for you all and it could be very healing to make a success of it.

[insanityscatching]

That's what I'm thinking Star, I want to prove to myself I suppose that 9 years down the line we've not only survived we've made more progress than I ever believed possible.
Ds remembers things like certain roads and signs (he's on google street maps) not the behaviour or the cause of it (I don't think he knows why tbh) We wouldn't re run any of the last time. We'll stay in a house not a caravan (one thing I learnt) I know what makes ds tick, I can spot the signs of when he's had enough and I'll take enough of his stuff so that I can calm him down if he's stressed.
I'm actually less anxious about taking him back there than I would be taking him somewhere he has never been before IYSWIM.
We're going to think about it, if ds isn't keen then we'll go back to Filey if he's interested we'll make plans before we book I suppose and see if we can pull it off.

[coff33pot]

AH! apologies insanity I read your post as if he remembers evey minute of the stressed bits! Sorry....

[insanityscatching]

No he doesn't remember that he remembers his favourite road the bent roadsign where there were two lamposts together, a pebble beach things like that. The things that interested him at the time I suppose.
He knows he used to hit because he couldn't talk and he knows he doesn't hit now because he knows how to calm down and we know what makes him cross but we don't remind him of specific instances. It was so frequent many times every day so it would be hard to pick out specifics tbh only that holiday was ten times worse than usual.
Maybe I just need to put it to bed once and for all who knows?

[coff33pot]

Bite the bullet and go

Break the mould as they say Like you have said you are so more aware of how to help your DS and he is so much older it could be a good experience for all of you and clear any doubts