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Oppositional Defiancy Disorder

(10 Posts)
LizinFrance Tue 09-Aug-11 12:41:18

Hi everyone,

Been browsing your thread for a while now, and could really do with some advice. We've lived in France for 7 years, and have 4 children - DDs 12 and 1, and DSs 10 and 4. Oldest son has always been 'difficult' and after researching on the internet, I am certain he has mild ODD. I say mild as it only happens with us at home, or when he is is with very close family (ie on holiday with us and MIL)! We can tick all but one of the boxes (doesnt swear at us), and it has been going on for as long as I can remember. We do have quite good days sometimes, but very often have bad days which affect all the family. Is there anyone on here that I can chat too? I know I need to expand on behaviour, but dont want to waffle too much! I know best solution is to see Doctor or child specialist??? but with the language barrier its not so easy. Thanks in advance for any advice.

Liz

LizinFrance Tue 09-Aug-11 20:23:41

Sorry, meant to post this in special needs. Ooops.

Maryz Tue 09-Aug-11 20:29:11

Liz, if you report your own post, mumsnet will move it to SN smile.

My son has a diagnosis of Asperger's but shows a lot of the symptoms of ODD and is difficult to manage (that's the understatement of the year) and a friend's son has been diagnosed with ODD and ADHD. It might be worth looking at Asperger's as well, if you are trying to find an explanation for "defiant" behaviour, as many children with AS are rigid in their attitude and come across as very defiant.

I'm afraid I am no help to you in how to approach this in France sad. The route here (Ireland) would be to an educational psychologist via a school referral. I'm happy to chat smile, but you would find a lot more people over in SN if you got the thread moved (I don't want to presume and do it for you smile).

NickNacks Tue 09-Aug-11 20:34:23

Surely if it only happens with close family then he has some control over it?

Usually a child has no control over their SN's and so will hapen in all settings, no? Are you sure he isn't just 'defiant'?

Maryz Tue 09-Aug-11 20:46:02

That isn't necessarily so, NickNacks, though it can seem so on the outside, iyswim. What happens with a lot of high-functioning children with SN (Asperger's, ODD, ADHD etc) is that they put huuuuuuge efforts in to managing at school (and can often manage much better in formal, organised surroundings where things follow rules), and then when they come home they relax and their behaviour becomes unmanageable. Coupled with the fact that all children reserve their worst behaviour for where they are most confident, this can be a huge problem for parents.

It is easy to look from the outside and think "oh, he behaves for me", as my sil does [grr]. She only ever had ds for an hour at a time, about three times a year, so how could she know?

NickNacks Tue 09-Aug-11 21:08:10

I appreciate that.

I am just going by my own experience (am a CM) and have some children come to me and the parents are sure they have some sort of behavioural issues, when I have no such experience/probem with them. And these aren't just children with whom i spend the odd hour with but sometimes 40-50 hours a week with.

On the other hand, children with diagnosed Sn's i have cared for have been fairly similar across all settings. Admittedly some things are worse in some settings but this is usually down to a variable such as you mention- structure, routine, peers but never non-existant.

LizinFrance Wed 10-Aug-11 21:47:30

Hi NickNacks and Maryz,

Thanks for your replies. I have reported my message to get it moved to SN. Thanks for that.

We too, for a good number of years, felt sure that it couldnt be an 'official problem' (for want of a better word) as he can control himself at school, clubs etc. However, he does show signs of his behaviour to other family members (my parents, mil etc) when he lets his guard down. The crunch really came on holiday a few weeks ago. His behavious always gets worse in new situations (not sure if this is typical of ODD) but this year MIL came along too and his behaviour was really really awful. We were gobsmacked that he could behave like that in front of her and started researching it all. Really not sure if weve come to the right conclusion, but the more I read, the more i think perhaps we have. I know it is very common for kids to be little sods at home, and angels outside the home, but I really do think there is more to it here. Anyway, will keep looking into it, and find out what the route is here.

Many thanks for your help,

IndigoBell Thu 11-Aug-11 06:21:11

I don't know anything about ODD. But if he has ASD there is some quite simple stuff you can do to start with:

1. Make some kind of a routine and timetable for the holidays and each day. He is probably worse because its the holidays and he's got no routine.

2. Tell him whats happening next. Prepare him for each change.

2. Make sure he gets plenty of sleep and exercise.

3. Noisy places are often painful for kids with ASD.

None of this is going to help much, but its a place to start while you're on holiday and while you continue to research ODD, ASD and PDA (which is a kind of a cross between ODD and ASD).

I would ask for a referral to a child development paed. By language barrier, do you mean you and your child don't speak brilliant French and you're in France? Surely all doctors and peads speak English? Just tell your GP that you need a referral to a pead who speaks English. Or I guess you could take a translator with you. But I can't imagine that a paed can't speak English.....

LizinFrance Thu 11-Aug-11 08:05:42

Hi IndigoBell. thanks for that. Some very helpful suggestions. Re the language barrier - son speaks fluent french, better than english so no problem for him. Its more me. Speak fairly well but just scared i wont be able to get my message across properlyu iykwim! Any, lots to think about and thanks everyone again.

Liz

XxAlisonxX Thu 11-Aug-11 10:34:09

sorry to drop in but im convinced my son has some form of ODD or behaviour disorder for 10yrs now we have battled with his behaviour at home and in school, to the point where the school now dont know what to do with him, but the Edu Psy, SEN, CHAMS, wont listen to me, we even have YISP, YPS involved now, and im still none the wiser or further to getting any help, and the bigger and older he gets the harder it is

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