Advanced search

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on SN.

Apparently I shouldnt call myself a carer.

(37 Posts)
thefirstMrsDeVere Thu 04-Aug-11 22:52:52

Because I am a parent. And you cant be both.

And you shouldnt call yourself a carer because you should see your child and not their disabilities.

And the stuff we do is covered by the normal parenting stuff.

so thats me told then hmm

EllenJaneisnotmyname Thu 04-Aug-11 22:55:37

Right. hmm So what idiot told you that, then? grin

thefirstMrsDeVere Thu 04-Aug-11 23:03:18

Ooops norty me. Started a thread about a thread.

A retired social worker. Questioned why on earth I would refer to myself as a carer.

I am less than amused.

EllenJaneisnotmyname Thu 04-Aug-11 23:06:29

Ooh, is it a juicy thread? Retired many years ago, (I hope,) and full of compassion and understanding, too?

I'm a carer, I used to get Carer's Allowance, so I must be. Oh yes, and I care for my disabled son.

DeWe Thu 04-Aug-11 23:12:18

Rubbish. If SS are willing to come and pay for a carer then maybe you could think about not calling yourself it, but you probably still would be.
It specifically mentions parents on the carers form doesn't it?

thefirstMrsDeVere Thu 04-Aug-11 23:15:26

I just hid it.

It had nothing to do with SN. It was about something else that I am involved in. The care of children by relatives who are not their birth parents. We were disagreeing about the appropriate use of another term. I used the title carer because DS is disabled (as well as being my son of course) to illustrate how parents can have many titles and I suspect it was an attempt to put me in my place.


EllenJaneisnotmyname Thu 04-Aug-11 23:18:20

Sorry, MrsDeV, I just went on it and stirred a bit. Won't go back.

thefirstMrsDeVere Thu 04-Aug-11 23:19:57

What did you say? <nosey>

EllenJaneisnotmyname Thu 04-Aug-11 23:28:31

NanaNina, strange nickname for someone with so little compassion. My DS2, my birth DS2, is disabled, and funnily enough I am both his loving mother and his carer. Yes, I get Carer's Allowance, just like anyone who cares for someone with at least MR care component. I am registered at my GP as a carer, I carry a Carer's Card with me in case of accident, I am a member of the local Carers Association. None of these people discriminate agaist my carer status because I happen to be related to my child. Only you seem to do that.

thefirstMrsDeVere Thu 04-Aug-11 23:37:34

Not stirring at all. Stating the truth.
Good for you.

EllenJaneisnotmyname Thu 04-Aug-11 23:39:09

Good, was a bit worried when you had hidden it. No-one's come back though.

insanityscatching Thu 04-Aug-11 23:40:12

Ooh Ellen I like that grin. I would give anything just to be a parent tbh rather than carer and warrior I seem to have become in fact I would gladly give up my carer status if the powers that be would provide enough care 24/7 to enable me to be just a parent. Somehow don't think they'll manage it on the fifty odd quid that they deem my care is worth.

thefirstMrsDeVere Thu 04-Aug-11 23:40:37

SHe will.

I only hid it because there is little point in carrying on the conversation. It will not go anywhere.

EllenJaneisnotmyname Thu 04-Aug-11 23:41:21

I prefer warrior status, that seems more accurate, somehow. grin

unpa1dcar3r Fri 05-Aug-11 07:07:46

Definition of a carer

A carer is someone of any age who provides unpaid support to family or friends who could not manage without this help. This could be caring for a relative, partner or friend who is ill, frail, disabled or has mental health or substance misuse problems.

Anyone can become a carer; carers come from all walks of life, all cultures and can be of any age. Many feel they are doing what anyone else would in the same situation; looking after their mother, son, or best friend and just getting on with it.

Carers don’t choose to become carers: it just happens and they have to get on with it; if they did not do it, who would and what would happen to the person they care for?

As defined by the PRTC, so Princess Anne, the patron must be wrong too then!!!!

My MIL has the same attitude towards me; I'm not a carer I'm just a parent.
FFS how many 'parent's get woken at 5am most mornings with a soaking wet bed and child at aged nearly 13 for starters! How many cannot even think of sending their 14 yr old to the shop 100 yds away for a pint of milk? Why do they go to a school for SLD children?
I could go on but can't be here all day- too busy just being a 'parent' wink

signandsmile Fri 05-Aug-11 08:03:38

As a social worker, and assoc lecturer in Social work, and a parent carer, angry angry angry (steam coming out sign's ears) what a load of rubbish! I would give the person a piece of my mind (altho I don't have much to spare grin wink) but I think I would probably be very unprofessional, so maybe best not wink

thefirstMrsDeVere Fri 05-Aug-11 08:23:50

sign unprofessional? No way. I think it would be a public service.
I dont suppose you know anything about Kinship Care as well do you? Cos I is wrong about that one as well apparently hmm

colditz Fri 05-Aug-11 10:33:43

I receive carer's allowence - how am I not a carer??

borderslass Fri 05-Aug-11 11:30:38

I don't receive any carers allowance but I'm still a carer for my DS. [17] Does she live in the real world most 'parents' look forward to time on their own once their children leave home we don't the only way DS will leave home is to go to either residential care or extremely well supported accommodation.

EllenJaneisnotmyname Fri 05-Aug-11 11:43:55

I have to admit I don't get CA anymore. My pay went just over £100/week. Grr.

silverfrog Fri 05-Aug-11 11:52:43

I don't receive carers allowance, but am most definitely a carer for dd1. I plan my life around her (and not in a helicopter parent kind of way!), and cannot go out to work easily due to attending to her needs and ensuring her needs are met.

My whole life has changed, and it centres on: dressing, feeding and cleaning up my 7 year old (not feature of many parents' lives). It revolves around keeping her safe and well, and being at her side at all times as she cannot function alone. It focusses on many battles - legal, educational etc - which are all being waged to ensure her needs are met.

How is this not being a carer? without dd1's disability I woudl now be back at work (or having child number 4 or something grin), or pursuing my own interests during term time. I cannot do this, and my life is on hold to a large extent while I address dd1's needs. This will, hopefully change over time as dd1's gain more independence, but it will never fully disappear. There are quite a few things I had on an ambition list that I cannot now even contemplate doing, as I cannot risk dd1 being left without me - a fulltime carer whose main raison d'etre is to fight her battles (dh does this as well, but of course is at work funding me being a fulltime carer!)

I am primarily dd1's parent, of course, but I am most definitely her carer

ouryve Fri 05-Aug-11 12:07:47

OK, so working out the wants and needs of a non-verbal 5 year old, changing pooey nappies on a 5 year old and 7 year old and diffusing endless tantrums is all normal parenting stuff, is it? So how come I'm entitled to Carer's allowance?

BrigadeOfLannisters Fri 05-Aug-11 12:44:34

Is this the poster who had "training" for two years in the seventies? Glad you've hidden it MrsDeVere, you are right about where the conversation will go. Stay here and allow yourself to be hugged to our collective bosoms smile

thefirstMrsDeVere Fri 05-Aug-11 14:30:32


I dont get CA for DS because he is on low rate. He got DLA before all his dx and there was no way I was going to reapply because he was awarded for five years. I couldnt risk reapplying to be told he was no longer eligable for it at all.

I would get it for OH because he gets mid rate care but I have a part time job which is paid just over the limit. Only by about 20 pound but I love my work and I wouldnt risk dropping hours because who knows when/if they will decide OH is suddenly cured from MS and wont need DLA anymore hmm

Anyway - I suspect all that waffle about carers was just a passive agressive device. How sad.

<snuggles into various bosoms>

Ha ha grin

EllenJaneisnotmyname Fri 05-Aug-11 16:13:33

She's certainly an OAP, she says so, so well out of the loop these days.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now