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my 11 year old ds started hitting me 2 months ago - how can I break the habit?

(4 Posts)
cavolonero Wed 03-Aug-11 01:51:41

I posted on the main site end of June when my ds hit me repeatedly.Since found out he was getting picked on at school and also eventually got a diagnosis of aspergers syndrome from CAHMS.Primary school were dubious and say I should get a second opinion but its obvious to me.
Main problem is - and more obvious in school holidays is that ds now knows he can say no to me - whatever I request - eg.bath/shower - bedtime (10pm) go to cricket/tennis etc=try and socialise.
I get a kick in the stomach etc and more.
I feel like I should stand up to him but he's as strong/bigger than me and it escalates.
I was getting help from my neighbour as I leave the house and he barracades me out.
He now rings his dad who is threatening to call social services/police - but he isnt really interested.
I try and diffuse it - he will break down and cry - but it worries me that he will threaten me with a knife and seems to get off on it - wants me to retaliate - he says he likes pain.Is this acting/attention seeking or should i get him to a psychologist ?I was offered an appt through CAHMS.
3 weeks ago I didnt feel we needed it - I don't want to medicalise/criminalise adolescent behavior but I don't want to continue being on the receiving end of punches ,its happening weekly,and I fear that someone will get hurt in the heat of the moment.

coff33pot Wed 03-Aug-11 02:09:21

If he is hitting and kicking you all the time and gets what he wants it will only escalate and get worse as he has the upper hand.

I feel awful for you as it must be a stressful and frightening time.

I would contact CAMHS and take them up on the offer of referral to a psychologist for your sake and your DS. They may have some suggestions to help curb his behaviour x

cavolonero Wed 03-Aug-11 02:36:18

Thanks - it has crept up on me - all escalated since the CAHMS diagnosis/leaving primary school/found out about bullying.
I couldn't really identify what was causing what - but feared a pattern would set in.
I don't want to pathologise his behaviour - but obviously can't accept it.

In reality CAHMS offered me nothing - said look on the NAS website - and he can see a psycholgist if you want - at the time was trying to take it all in..

Feel I need a strategy - Is the bad behaviour a cry for help? when I broke down and cried he did too and we hugged - I think that kids with aspergers who like routine might respond to a signal - like boxers in the ring when the bell goes - he gets set on a train of behaviour that he can't snap out of.Thats why i leave the house - but its very inconvenient and draining and I have 2 jobs -

Its a leap for me to start parenting my son in a different way - I'm feeling more like a carer - is that how adolescents are or do i have a child whose different? It makes me a bit sad

tallwivglasses Wed 03-Aug-11 02:52:11

Hi OP, I have a severely autistic son who's getting bigger and strionger by the day it seems...Our situations are different but I empathise (and have the bruises and teeth marks to prove it)

I'm not sure I can help (late) just wanted to say it sounds like you have a lot of insight into your ds and I'm sure you'll find ways to reduce the negative behaviour.

I hope you get some good advice because I sure could use it
<week two, already on knees and wailing emoticon>

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