aspergers

[sixkids]

Hi i have read bits about aspergers in children but would love more info from another parent of a child with aspergers,my son is 12yrs and after years of problems my new support worker has suggested aspergers,my son is on a waiting list for an assessment.

[Parietal]

Look on the national autistic society website for an overview.

[ProfessionallyOffendedGoblin]

This is a good website, Tony Attwood has written a couple of very useful books too.
www.tonyattwood.com.au/

[drivemecrazy63]

good luck with the asssesment so sorry its taken so long for you to get help i had the same problems for years and so ds3 was 10 before we got his dx i found they only listened as was convenient for them he was having so many problems in school had been on IEP since pre school and he just got worse but just to put your mind at rest hes now a year on a lot different and much happier the tests will be easier with an older child (as ds3 had gone through years of appointments with CAMHS, paeds,salt,hearing, eyes) only to be ignored and told we were being stupid , now hes got a dx and statement hes accessing all the help he needs, i hope for as good an outcome for your dc , for any dc that has special needs.

[Ineedalife]

Hi again, I don't talk much on the other forums [it's safer on here]. My Dd3 who is 8 has been in the assessment process for 2+ years. We believe she has Aspergers. She is finally being seen by a consultant pyschaitrist on thursday.

We are hoping she will get a Diagnosis[dx] We tried for ages to get her sister Dx'ed but were always told it was our fault she was difficult, she is 22 now.

Our main difficulties are lack of empathy, poor theory of mind and needing to do things to their set routine. I could go on and on but I am sure if you have lived with your Ds this long you know what I am talking about.

Oh and welcome to the forum.

[sixkids]

Thanks for all your responses,ineedalife,thanks for pointing me in the right direction,my ds was meant to be assessed 3yrs ago but got forgotten somehow,its been and still is hard work but ive been blaming myself for 8yrs because i had been in a bad relationship for a year and ive lived with guilt thinking i made him like this,i feel relieved that i now have a great support worker whose own son has aspergers and she recognised everything i was saying and that feels wonderful after all this time,there may be light at the end of the tunnel after all! :)

[sixkids]

oh and the best of luck on thursday ineedalife!

[Ineedalife]

Thanx six, I am glad someone s helping you and your Ds now, remember though loads of people with Aspergers aren't Dxed until they are older, don't blame yourself and keep looking towards that light.

Am off to bed now am still recovering from guide camp. Will pop back tomorrow and see whos around..

[georgetta]

Hi six. My ds is 11 now and was only dx 6 months ago with AS. It came as quite a shock to us as he is mild but we still never saw it coming until school suggested it. His issues are anxieties about his fixations with computer games, literal meanings of everything,not interested in friends, no interest in sport or anything, lack of concentration, appalling handwriting,very articulate adult way of speaking using huge words,rocking to and fro when absorbed in a movie,music etc,flapping his arms when excited. We are still coming to terms with it really- hard when child is so much older isnt it? Our ds also took the dx rather badly! But I do think its better to have it dx and then he can get the support he needs. Good luck with your ds and yes, there is light at the end of the bloody long tunnel.

[cavolonero]

thousands of people are aspergers - is an indicator of high intelligence - so please see it as a positive.
My ds was diagnosed recently (jsy turned 11)- I always knew he was different but thought it was my fault(only child/single parent etc.)
Its a relief now that i can objectivelysee his difficulties and help him - they have problems with peers/ocd stuff etc anger management.
Adolescence brings it out so its important the secondary school are aware of it -they don't get any extra money for aspergers kids but they will help/keep an eye out especially in the playground/organisng themselves.-

Tony Attwoods book is great -i read it 2 years ago when a friend suggested ds was aspergers - I didnt like labels then and i gave it back. - now its a manual for me - i can work out ds difficulties- what seems simple for me is a muddle for him.They are not doing it on purpose.

[sixkids]

Thank you all so much for your positive posts,sadly my ds school have been trying to put him in a centre for bad kids and their plan is to permanantly exclude him when he returns in september but now i have a much longed for support worker who is not going to allow thet to happen,my ds has problems with his feelings,lack of empathy and anger so he gets seen in a very negative way but i just knew he wasnt bad. I dont know for sure that he has aspergers yet,he seems to have some of the symptoms but not so much the bodily movements.

[bedheadz]

@ cavolonero the Ed Pych told me that school do get extra funding for dc with AS dx. Would this just be juniors?

[Trixiebix]

Cavolonero is right- my ds has mild AS also and I find Tony Attwoods book invaluable.

[SuburbanDream]

Another vote for Tony Atwood's books here! Also the National Autistic Society's website is brilliant, the books section has loads of free leaflets and booklets you can get (IIRC you only pay postage for quite a few of them).

[sixkids]

Thank you all,i did look in my local whsmith for tony attwood book but they didnt have it so i will go to some bigger shops for it,you have all been wonderfully positive and supportive and im so very grateful for all of your replies especially as you all have your own problems to deal with,my ds assessment may be months away but i will post back here to let you know the outcome but will also be here in the meantime,idont have family so your support is greatly appreciated :)

[MrsShrekTheThird]

definitely Tony Attwood stuff. Have been to conferences where he's been speaking and he is absolutely awesome. Ironically I've been an ASD specialist teacher for 16 years and ds1 only dx earlier this year at 10yo. Very different on this side of the fence, as it were. But the dx has solved a lot of his frustrations as he now understands why / how he does stuff, and will ask me if he doesn't 'get' why he thinks in a certain way. All good, as the previous year was absolutely awful!

[sixkids]

well im now very confused,i looked up aspergers and my son has some of the symptoms but not all,he is a bit of a recluse but he does understand peoples body language,hes not sociable but he does "get" people,now ive read the symptoms of oppositional defiant disorder and wow that is my son totally and completely,sad now because i always blamed myself and looks like i could be right although i know i shouldnt jump the gun and should wait for the assessment and not self diagnose,hard to just wait though :(

[SuburbanDream]

Please don't let all these different "possibles" confuse or frighten you! The spectrum is very wide and not everyone with Aspergers has all the symptoms or at least they can vary enormously in their intensity. I've also wondered at times if DS2 has ODD or PDA or one of the many other issues that seem to be related to ASD. It's good to be well informed but sometimes too much information can be overwhelming. Just remember that whether he gets a definite diagnosis or not for whatever syndrome, he will still be the same DS and having a label will not change who he is. It just might mean he gets a bit more help and understanding though

[sixkids]

Thanks suburbandream,i think i need to stop looking things up and try to be patient,ive coped with ds for the 12yrs hes been born so your right,a label isnt going to change much,cup of tea and relax :)

[IndigoBell]

A label should help school to understand and help him.

A label should help school to get help from the ASD team rather than the behaviour support team.

[sixkids]

yes i hope a label will get my son the support he needs at school,so far they have been awful so im likely to change schools anyway.

[Jodianna]

Tony Attwood: Asperger Syndrome, A guide for Parents and Professionals. Worth a look, and also points out that a person does not need to have everything listed, just most of it!
I have four Aspies in this house, Hubby was diagnosed at 33! We teach them that's it's a positive thing to have different wiring, that it's their AS that makes them who they are and that's why they are in gifted and talented.
As for the anger element, has anyone checked to see whether it's fear rather than anger? In my experience, Aspies portray signs of anger when they're frightened, if for example they're not given enough time to answer questions, or their routine has been changed.

[Ineedalife]

I would agree with what jodianna says about anger. Dd3 goes into a panic when things upset her and can come across as being angry. We try to calm her by explainging things but sometimmes that can make her worse.

She is sometimes aggressive to, especially towards me and next eldest sister[to be fair she does wind her up!!].

Try not to blame yourself, do any of your others have behaviour probs and have you bought them up in similar ways??

My Dd2 is so different to Dd's 1 and 3, she is very caring and understands when she has upset me and will apologise. The other 2 ha, dont' hold your breath for apologies or even acknowledgment that they have done wrong..

Don't beat yourself up, chill and eat chocolate..

[sixkids]

you ladies have no idea how much better you make me feel,ive had 6kids and only the last 2 display problems,all brought up the same so in reality i know its not my fault but doesnt stop me blaming myself,my dc anger is so out of control but yes i can see it happens a lot in situations where he may feel fear,i just accepted that he was a naughty child and i had messed up as a parent,never even thought of any disorders until support worker mentioned it,just thought id lost it as a mum when previously i was seen as a brilliant mum,i love him so much but hate him at the same time,8yrs of giult and depression and yet hes the love of my life,so many emotions,he seems to hate me and it hurts so bad.

[thornrose]

Oh sixkids, my dd is diagnosed with Aspergers and her anger is off the scale. I am the sole target of ALL her rage, she says she hates me every day and even says she wants me to be dead I totally feel that all consuming love for her, and at other times despairing hate. I've never seen anyone admit that before, I'm so glad you did. Isn't it so so hard?
I see you mention support worker, what is that and how did you get one?

[sixkids]

Hi thornrose, because my ds behaviour was having an impact on my youngest child i was allocated a social worker,she then decided we needed support as a family so we now have a family support worker,and yes its so hard,my ds also wishes me dead and calls me nasty names everyday,im a sensitive person but ive had to grow a thicker skin to cope with the things he says to me!